Tearful self-pleasure, S&M ghosts, demonic basement gremlins…

And you probably thought we were exaggerating in detailing the bonkers-craziness of “American Horror Story.” The first outing of Ryan Murphy and Brad Falchuk‘s ode to the genre is officially out of the can, and it probably has viewers divided — but, we’re guessing, a little curious too.

There’s a lot in the pot on “Story,” and of the umpteen cliffhangers, none seems as relevant as the presumed evil ghost-baby growing inside Vivien Harmon (Connie Britton). After all, the pseudo-spoiler is the unsubtle subject of the series’ creeptastic ad campaign.

Does that make her, and the entire family, doomed? We hope not. Aside from the thus-far unappealing Ben (Dylan McDermott), they seem like a family worth rooting for. But the series’ seems to make it clear there’s no escaping this haunted house.

The other main characters seem safe, probably because they’re all supernaturally tied to the house themselves. How about when Constance (Jessica Lange) mentioned killing Moira (Frances Conroy/Alexandra Breckenridge) once before? There’s probably something there. And Tate (Evan Peters) has ghost written all over him.

“Story” maintains a pretty frenzied pace in the first episode, and it’s certainly weird (even by FX standards), but did it grab you enough to stick around for number two?

Posted by:Mikey O'Connell