Not cool, “American Idol.” Not cool.
If you are at all familiar with Zap2it’s “Idol” coverage, you know we were less than thrilled with Haley Reinhart’s exit from the show last week (Top 3). We felt the show needed her.
Our reasoning was pretty simple: The finale just looked so boring without her. Scotty McCreery and Lauren Alaina are talented, but they are both the definition of safe. No risk does not a fun finale make. We felt the finale needed a Haley or James Durbin, contestants who put on a show and took risks, performed songs we weren’t expecting them to choose at all. (Haley took on Led freakin’ Zeppelin in the Top 3! WHAT?!)
Cue one hour before the finale on Tuesday, May 24, when news broke that Lauren may be dropping out of the finale due to vocal problems. We were shocked and — dare we admit it? — excited. This was unprecedented and we had no idea how the show would handle something like this.
We decided to start taking notes as soon as news of Lauren’s troubles de vocal broke, which lead to this article: “Idol” continues to mess with Haley Reinhart fans, a timeline:
3:30 p.m.: We’re sitting outside the Nokia theatre, waiting to meet up with our “Idol” reporter friends (yes, we have friends!) when we receive an e-mail blast from TMZ: “Lauren Alaina May Drop Out of ‘American Idol’ Finale.”
As we read the headline aloud, several fans standing around us made like owls and echoed our “WHAT?!” Cue near hysteria from Lauren fans. At the bottom of the article it reads, “producers are trying to find Haley.” Breaking news: Zap2it just saw God… and he is beautiful!
4:25 p.m.: TVLine posts a story saying Haley is currently rehearsing in the event that Lauren can not perform. If Haley performs, we swear we will kiss Nigel Lythgoe’s dumb British feet and then we will laugh in his face. Come on, it’s kind of amazing that his little Lauren, who he has pimped SO hard all season, is bowing out of the fight at the last minute.
Basically, we are Cartman in this “South Park” clip. Yes, we are aware we are too invested in this television show. Everyone has their issues. Some people like to murder people, we like to gripe about the injustices on “Idol.”
4: 50 p.m.: As we are sitting in our seats, we notice how calm Debbie the stage manager seems. We try not to let this burst our Haley bubble. Our fingers and toes are crossed.
4:55 p.m.: Cory, the show’s emcee, is announcing all the Season 10 contestants currently sitting in the audience. Guess who’s not there? HALEY!
Our girl is performing, we just know it. It’s like we are high, except we haven’t taken any drugs (that we know of). For the first time, we understand the expression “high on life.” The world is a beautiful place! We swear we see rainbows and singing cartoon animals in the Nokia theatre!
4:58 p.m.: We see a tweet from Ryan Seacrest asking if people are Team Scotty or Team Lauren. SEACREST OUT… OF OUR HEARTS FOREVER!
5:01 p.m.: The show has started. They are showing clips of Lauren as a child. They are just trying to throw us off. No, we are not rocking back and forth repeating that to ourselves.
5:02 p.m.: Lauren and her doctor appear on stage to say even though she busted a vocal chord, she and her mounds of hair extensions will still compete for the title of American Idol. Please discuss amongst yourselves, readers, while we go outside and yell every profanity we’ve ever heard in our lives. (Sorry, mom!)
5:12 p.m.: OK, we’re back. Yes, we checked if they were selling booze at the concession stand. Unfortunately, no, but we did have a lovely chat with the cashier where we explained the entire situation. After venting and pouring our heart out to this woman, she says, “I don’t watch the show.”
THROW US A BONE, UNIVERSE.
The whole “Will Lauren perform or not?” drama was probably cooked up by the producers to garner the country girl some sympathy and pity votes. We don’t do pity or sympathy. The thing that gets us is that we actually fell for it. We actually believed our girl Haley would finally get what she deserved — a spot in the finale.
We just got played by “American Idol.”