allison pinks antm 'America's Next Top Model': Pink's hotdogs get messyPoor Brittany was the first casualty of the “America’s Next Top Model” all-star season. On the way home from judging, the girls go bonkers over the prizes for the winner of the season. There’s a quick montage of all the girls saying they deserve to win. I just wish one had been like, “Naw, I should get like fourth place.”

Branding (unfortunately, not with cattle prods)

At the Model Manse, Alexandria says she’s “a misunderstood star.” Snerk. Whatever you need to tell yourself to sleep at night. Um, what is with the talking-head interviews where everyone has on Chemo Patient Chic? Weird.

Anyway. Tyra shows up with Martin Lindstrom, a “brand strategist genius” (Tyra’s words). He is there to school them about their individual brands, which he says should boil down to one word that he assigns them. Lisa gets daring, Sheena gets unexpected and then Martin tells Kayla her LGBT platform is so five years ago and she should move on from being the “lesbian model,” which offends her. He has a point about not letting just that define her, but I see why it kind of upsets her.

Did they have that awesome opening credits last week, with the crowns and paint and food? I must have fast-forwarded through it if they did. It’s great, love it.

Back from commercial, Kayla gets free, Shannon gets trustworth. When Martin tells her the fans think she’s a bit boring, she says it’s because she’s a virgin, she doesn’t smoke and she doesn’t drink. Angelea snots, “You’re boring, b****.” I hate Angelea. She’s classless.

Dominique gets survivor, Allison gets unique, Angelea gets disgusting. No, she doesn’t. Hilariously, the fans said the product she should market is “cheap shoes.” A-hahaha. She gets persistence.

Bre gets girlfriend (huh), Camille gets proud, Isis gets inspiration, Laura gets loveable, Alexandria gets tough, Bianca gets candid, which she takes as a license to “not hold back anymore.” Um, you’ve been holding back so far?

That night, Bianca thinks somebody was talking smack about her, so she’s being “candid” by stirring up trouble. Ugh. That girl doesn’t have the common sense God gave a goose.

Makeover Time

Ashlee Simpson is there as a guest judge – another person who serves no real purpose. At makeovers, Lisa and Sheena are not pleased with getting their hair chopped, while Alexandria is pumped about it.

Oh, that explains Chemo Patient Chic talking-heads – they don’t want to reveal their hair. Got it.

Lisa is being quite the whiner about her haircut and it’s like – yeah, you can put in extensions for your wedding. Stop looking like an ingrate. And hwne it’s dry, she looks so much better. Meanwhile, they are taking Kayla back to red hair, which is also awesome.

Bre, who had total senior picture hair, is also upset about losing her hair. Hers I kinda get because it’s really, really short. But she goes into the bathroom and cries and calls the producer, asking to leave. Oh, please. Suck it up. What kind of all-star are you?

But she comes back and blahblahblah.

Lunchtime is hotdogs from Pink’s, mmmm. They are going to create their own Pink’s hotdog for their photoshoot. Awesome. And messy. And they have to incorporate their brand word. This show is clearly running out of ideas for photoshoot themes.

Pink’s Photoshoot

Laura gets so messy, she totaly rocks it. And her shaggy hair makeover is awesome. Camille looks … stiff and awkward and a little bit like she’s going to take a dump on the floor. Her makeover is not readily apparent – extensions, maybe?

Laura is brought into Camille’s shoot to show her what she did in hers and Camille rather snottily remarks that she hasn’t eaten a hotdog in like 15 years and Laura “lives and breathes it every day.” Um, what a ridiculous thing to say. Does Laura also not own shoes and not have the internet? There’s a reason your word isn’t “loveable,” Camille.

Camille takes another swing at it and she still sucks. I hope she goes home. Angelea is next and her hair looks so much better – way classier. Her word is persistence, though, and that doesn’t come across at all, though she does look amazing.

Bianca gets candid and instead goes with “porn.” Jay is blown away by her, but I was not impressed. Dominique kind of goes porn too. Allison is adorable, love her hair too. Sheena goes “unexpected” with roses in her hot dog. Jay says she just looks like she has to pee.

Alexandria gets a very sexy shaggy bob that she is very happy about and her photos are super hot. Not so much “tough,” more friendly, but that’s good for her.

Isis does OK, but Shannon does very well. Kayla’s dark red hair is beautiful, but she’s kind of struggling in her shoot. Lisa goes with a “skinny” dog – veggie dog with veggies, no bun. She throws her head back and looks very cute.

Bre is still upset about her hair (and then she gets a dress that is doing her no favors). She’s completely flat in front of the camera, but I still think Camille should hit the bricks.


The pics that really stand out for me are Shannon, Allison (though what is with her “Sunday at the Park with George” outfit at panel?), Alexandria (she’s not tough, but it’s a gorgeous picture) and Lisa.

Angelea’s would be great if she wasn’t slouching so much. It’s not a high fashion slouch, it’s just a slouch.

Camille’s is just as bad as I thought it would be – very pageanty, as Andre says and also just way too cutesy – not proud at all. Laura’s photo is not “loveable” at all – it’s Courtney Love goes to Pink’s. I can’t believe out of all her film that is the shot they chose. Isis, well, Isis has a hand loosely dangling down between her spread legs in a very mannish way. It actually made me choke a little bit on the drink I was taking when her picture flashed onscreen. She looks like she’s about to scratch herself.   

I think Camille is out. I think Lisa or Allison should get best photo.


Before the girls come back, Tyra shaves Nigel’s head, which – thank god. He is so much hotter that way.

The photos go Lisa, Bianca, Alexandria, Laura, Angelea, Dominique, Shannon, Allison, Isis, Bre, Camille (what?!) and that leaves Kayla and Sheena. Well, Sheena better be leaving.

And then she is. Well, that’s OK. I like Sheena, but she’s not that strong.

Next week: Albert Clifford Slater! And stilts. Excellent.

Posted by:Andrea Reiher

TV critic by way of law school, Andrea Reiher enjoys everything from highbrow drama to clever comedy to the best reality TV has to offer. Her TV heroes include CJ Cregg, Spencer Hastings, Diane Lockhart, Juliet O'Hara and Buffy Summers. TV words to live by: "I'm a slayer, ask me how."