archer-vice-season-5-premiere-FX.jpg“Archer” returned for its fifth season on FX Monday (Jan. 13) with a complete reboot of what we’ve known the show to be so far. This new direction, titled “Archer Vice,” sees ISIS raided by the FBI because, it turns out, Malory and her ragtag bunch of spies have been operating illegally all along.

“I lied,” Malory says with a shrug.

Archer’s steely-eyed mother keeps them out of prison, but it leaves everyone wondering what they’re going to do now for jobs. Fortunately (unfortunately?), they have a ton of cocaine (literally, not figuratively) and now we’ve got an “Archer” cartel, of sorts.

The episode ends with an absolutely amazing montage of the season to come while “Cherlene,” Cheryl’s new persona as America’s top country music star, sings “Baby Please Don’t Go.” And just in case you were curious, because we were, the cover of Muddy Waters’ famed hit was performed by Jessy Lynn Martens.

Here are the best lines and some GIFs from the episode. RIP Brett.

FBI Agent Holly: “Guys, we talked about this. You’re supposed to yell ‘FBI’ at the beginning, after the flashbangs, but before other fat Mike gets shot.”

Malory: “I can save you from life in prison! Sorry Ramona, I know to you it’s just one big sexy briar patch.”

: “I wanna say … Burt Reynolds?”

: “Is it murder if they were my own clones? I’m seriously asking.”

Pam: “Look at him! All tied up like a sexy little Christmas ham.”

Malory: “You’ll just have to put that on my … whatever, crime tab.”

Krieger: “I’ll be your doctor.”
Lana: “Well, if I want Hitler’s DNA spliced into him, I’ll give you a call.”
Krieger: “Yeah, I’m around.”

Lana: “What, we form a cartel?”
Malory: “Well, how hard can it be … “
Lana: “Don’t.”
Malory: “… if Mexicans can do it.”

archer-vice-premiere-GIF-roses.gifarcher-vice-premiere-GIF-brett.gifarcher-vice-premiere-GIF-taser.gifarcher-vice-premiere-GIF-amphetamines.gifarcher-vice-premiere-GIF-pam.gifarcher-vice-premiere-GIF-hitler.gifarcher-vice-premiere-GIF-tranquilizers.gifarcher-vice-premiere-GIF-coup.gifWhat did you think of the “Archer” Season 5 premiere? Are you on board with “Vice”?

Posted by:Andrea Reiher

TV critic by way of law school, Andrea Reiher enjoys everything from highbrow drama to clever comedy to the best reality TV has to offer. Her TV heroes include CJ Cregg, Spencer Hastings, Diane Lockhart, Juliet O'Hara and Buffy Summers. TV words to live by: "I'm a slayer, ask me how."