Hilariously, when they get to Melissa – the audience barely makes a sound. Probably ’cause they’re all afraid she’ll stab them to death. One of the first things that comes up is Ames running after Jackie’s limo.
They talk about how they are not together – apparently Ames just decided they weren’t right for each other and Jackie spent the summer wondering what she did wrong. Aww. I can see how he maybe didn’t handle the break-up super well, he’s kind of socially awkward. Ames is trying not to cry when he talks about how much he wanted it to work. Aww.
Talk turns to the Vienna/Kasey power couple alliance thing and William hilariously points out they didn’t win anything and they aren’t sitting at the end. He also calls them out for stabbing everybody in the back. Hee.
Jake smarms about closure and his olive branch with Vienna. She chimes in that the past is the past and all is forgiven, which Chris Harrison delightfully points out is not how she was on the show at all. Everybody kind of piles on Vienna, asking her to own up a bit to the relationship failing and maybe she could’ve been better to Jake in the house. Nice. Get ‘er!
Hot Seat – Jake
Jake is first, complete with useless video montage filler segment, during which Jake looks smug and Vienna looks like she sucked on a lemon. After the segment, Jake keeps trying to rehab his image. Vienna tries to share a moment about their charades game that nobody laughs about and Gia says she’s never seen one person treat another so horribly.
Jake insists she kept the animosity alive to profit and wouldn’t respond to his messages asking to talk, so he had to “make a bold move” and go on “Bachelor Pad.” Oh for Pete’s sake – who cares anymore? Really? Who does?
Kasey gets taken to task for his “punch you for America” crack, then he formally apologizes to Jake and they hug. Oh, that just warms your heart, huh? *dripping sarcasm*
Hot Seat – Kasey
Kingpin Kasey gets his turn on the Hot Seat. There is a montage of him and Vienna being horrible in the house, which is just as awful to relive as it was the first time around. He gets choked up, it’s kinda dumb. Sorry. I only have so many slots in my heart for things I care about and Kasey/Vienna are not even close to getting a slot.
Vienna is sporting her patented bored-and-vaguely-cross-eyed look.
The other contestants weigh in on whether or not Vienna/Kasey are a healthy relationship, which – like these people would know a healthy relationship if it danced naked in front of them wearing Dobby’s tea cozy. (That’s a little “Harry Potter” joke, for those of you keeping score at home. Who’s on Pottermore? This girl – HazelSky 45, friend me.)
Hot Seat – Blake
Blake the Snake gets a turn. Every time they cut to Melissa, she blinks her eyes in an irritated manner. Hee. Chris Harrison calls him out on using Melissa and doing and saying the right things to get farther in the game. Melissa talks about being confused when he keeps kissing her and saying things like “serendipitous.” Her fluttering eye movement is weirding me out, y’all. Stop that, Melissa. She admits to being a little crazy on the show, but blames Blake’s actions for her behavior coming out. Hmm. He’s kinda shady, she’s kinda crazy. That is the way you can describe a lot of male/female relationships, honestly.
Back from commercial, he admits he’s madly in love with Holly and they haven’t gone a day without talking since the show wrapped – well, we already heard they’re engaged, which is kind of gross but maybe they deserve each other. I found Holly kind of gross on the show for being so overt with a new guy in front of her ex-fiance. I don’t care if Michael broke it off – it’s just called tact.
Blake then says Holly is moving to South Carolina to live with Blake. Huh. And now they have the proposal footage. Gag me. There’s a shot of the Neil Lane diamond, of course. There have been rumors they staged this and were paid by Neil Lane to do it, so just take everything with a grain of salt.
The Final Four
The two couples finally join the mix and Chris Harrison drops the engagement bomb like a big ol’ d-bag. He’s particularly smarmy about it and Blake is sitting there with a smirk on his face that just makes me want to punch him in his perfect teeth. So Holly tells Michael on the spot that she’s engaged to Blake and Michael kinda freaks out. Poor guy. Blake tries to talk about it – “the last thing I wanted was to rub this in anyone’s face.” – oh, really? Then why is this happening as a blindside on TV?
He is choking back tears, this is uncomfortable. Man, if they wanted a new Bachelor that America is in love with, Michael is their guy. After Ben, obviously.
Moving on to Graham/Michelle. Michelle cries as she talks about her dad’s passing and how Graham was there for her. They seem to be together, but they conspicuously don’t say they are actually together. Hmm.
Now the contestants (who are the voters) get to ask questions. Rated-R has a good one – Michael did his part by winning stuff, but how did Holly get to the finals, what did she do? Michael defends her and says she stepped up hugely in the final challenge and also that she was always allied with him. He never had to doubt how she would vote.
Michelle says she doesn’t want any pity votes, but she defends her and Graham’s strategy of avoiding the drama, which is why they got to the end. The four also say they don’t “deserve” the money because they are just humbled and grateful to be sitting there, which is a great answer.
Jake votes H/M, Vienna votes M/G, Kasey votes M/G, Blake votes H/M, Erica votes H/M, Melissa votes M/G, William votes M/G, Jackie votes H/M, Ames votes H/M, Rated-R votes H/M, Ella votes H/M and with Gia’s vote Holly and Michael advance to the finals.
So now it’s up to their vote. Will it work the same way as last year? Turns out yes. If they both vote share, they share. If one votes keep and one votes share, the keeper gets it. If they both vote keep, no one wins and the other contestants split the money.
Is there any doubt they’ll split it? I cannot see either of them choosing keep. It’s too big of a risk.
They come back from deliberation and Holly votes share. Michael draws it out a bit, but he votes share too. Duh. Natalie’s fake out last year was way better – I actually thought she picked “keep” until she revealed her answer.
Ben the Bachelor
Chris Harrison introduces Ben as the next Bachelor like ABC didn’t announce this last week. And not just rumors, like a press release. This is weird. Anyway, he says some nice things about being ready. “The Bachelor” comes back Jan. 2, 2012. Woo and hoo.