big-brother-14-first-POV.jpgWe pick up as Jodi is unceremoniously drop-kicked from the “Big Brother 14” house. Total suckage. What a bummer for her. Remember, you can still sign up for the live feeds%name 'Big Brother 14': Willie's nominations target Team Boogie and Team Dan if you want to follow along with what the hamsters are up to ahead of the CBS broadcasts.

The Alliances

Boogie approaches Dan and Janelle and Britney buddy up in some alliances to keep each other’s players safe. Um, maybe you should check with your team first? You guys may be playing with teams, but the individual players aren’t required to play as a team. I’d be really annoyed if my “coach” came to me and said I have to protect not only my other two teammates, but also someone else’s three people.

The HOH Room

The HOH rooms reveals that there is a Coach’s Suite in place of Pandora’s Box, which is its own bedroom for the coach of the current HOH.

Ian Being Weird

As a superfan, Ian gets up at night and saunters around being super creepy, like crawling under furniture and spanking himself with a spatula. Dude, you need to be the sweet nerd, not the guy who scares everyone and makes them uncomfortable. Because they will toss your butt out of the house.

The BJ Alliance

The Britney-Janelle alliance gets together to target Dan and Boogie’s players. Joe explains it to us in a Diary Room session where he sounds like he’s challening Hulk Hogan at The Garden for next Saturday night. Stop shouting at us, dude. Also, “the big house”? You don’t win “Big Brother” and go to jail. Well, most winners don’t.

Ian Being Weird Part II

He just comes into rooms and lurks around, which drives everybody crazy — especially when he just sits in the bathroom like a giant creeper. Seriously, dude. That’s gross. Let the girls shower. Not having touched a boob before is not an excuse.

The Coaches’ Comp

We’ve been very curious about this since the live feeds turned on, because they talk about it, but we don’t know much. The four coaches compete for a chance to grant one of their players safety for the week, plus it will determine the Have-Nots for the week. Heh. Nice.

The actual competition dresses the coaches like jockeys with stuffed horses and makes them run races where they chase each other and try to yank off the tail of their competitor. Dan throws his first heat because he thinks if he saves one of his players, there will be an even bigger target on the other one because he’s a man down. Hmm.

Janelle vs. Boogie is the final match-up and Boogie wins. In typical Boogie fashion, he shouts out “Any questions?!” and throws Janelle’s horse tail. Because he’s a total d-bag. Anyway, Mike chooses to save Ian for the week, which is interesting. Mike says himself that Frank is probably the most popular guy in the house, which is who I would save, but OK.

Then each coach (even Boogie) has to pick a Have-Not, so Dan picks Danielle, Britney picks Shane, Boogie picks Ian and Janelle picks Ashley. 

The Nominations

The BJ alliance decides they need to target the strongest person on each of Dan and Boogie’s teams, which they think are Kara and Frank. And despite some Boogie machinations trying to convince Willie that Joe should go up, those are the two he nominates.

Who do you think the hamsters should evict? We have to say, if noms stay the same, we think they would be so foolish to keep Frank around over Kara.

Remember, you can still sign up for the live feeds%name 'Big Brother 14': Willie's nominations target Team Boogie and Team Dan if you want to follow along yourself with the hamsters.

Posted by:Andrea Reiher

TV critic by way of law school, Andrea Reiher enjoys everything from highbrow drama to clever comedy to the best reality TV has to offer. Her TV heroes include CJ Cregg, Spencer Hastings, Diane Lockhart, Juliet O'Hara and Buffy Summers. TV words to live by: "I'm a slayer, ask me how."