twisted bones 'Bones': Hannah and Parker, sitting in a treeForgive us for the less-than-creative headline, but let’s be honest. After seeing the teaser for next week’s “Bones,” this episode seems of little consequence. But we can’t ignore it completely, because it did have some moments to it.

Another baffling case — though, thankfully, not nearly as nasty as that chocolate bar incident a few back — finds Brennan (Emily Deschanel) and Booth (David Boreanaz) investigating around a high school, which is perfect, because we’re all about the kids this week.

Specifically, Parker. You know, Booth’s son, who told him to go off to war. Remind us why we don’t like him again…

Per usual, we’re breaking this down matters of professional and personal — all of which is best read aloud with dramatic flourish.

For the Squints:

  • Daisy (Carla Gallo) is gunning for, and ultimately getting, a permanent spot at the FBI, more or less solidifying her spot on the team and furthering our reader-planted theory that she’s probably in for a world of hurt when the sniper shows up.
  • Psychic much? Brennan is great with kids. Her sly interrogation of the delinquents was going swimmingly until her craptastic segue, “You work repairing motorcycles, don’t you?” Real slick.
  • After Daisy and Hodgins’ (T.J. Thyne) last experiment, hopes were high for this one, but instead of hilariously fake-throwing him over a banister, she accidentally shoots him. He pouts a bit, and that’s all we really see of him this week.
  • Speaking of Sweets (John Francis Daley) — did we even mention Sweets? — we’ve been seeing a lot of humorous interludes with his other patients lately. Split personalities! Transvestites! It really builds our confidence in this fictitious FBI… and sort of makes us feel like we’re breaching some sort of confidentiality thing. That wouldn’t bother Sweets though, because professional integrity apparently doesn’t stand in the way of him coaching Daisy to pass her psych examination.
  • So we weren’t exactly paying attention to the case this week, but it wasn’t lost on us that Brennan figured out the murderer based off of her skanky zipper-ripping techniques.

For the Shippers:

  • Hannah (Katheryn Winnick) doesn’t want to meet Parker. And Parker doesn’t want to meet Hannah. Naturally, they meet. And when they do, just for a second, we hope that some small explosive takes them both out. Sorry, but they’re our two least favorite characters ever.
  • In typical “Bones” fashion, our distaste momentarily melts away after their candid exchange.” Do you sleep with my dad?” “Yes.” Way to be kind of funny you two. We guess we’ll disarm this bomb.
  • Brennan’s forlorn love-looks are back, and we’d really resent them if they weren’t such a good example of Deschanel’s subtle and spectacular acting. She’s more and more realizing what a disaster this Hannah business is, and it’s breaking her little scientist heart.
  • Hannah and Parker are now BFFs, and in the last scene, they crash Booth and Brennan’s sacred Royal Diner time. Channeling his dirtbag father [Editor’s note: did we just write that?], Parker wipes chocolate ice cream from his mouth proclaiming “I have a new favorite flavor.” Yes, we get it. Everybody loves Raymond Hannah.

Brennanism of the week: “You’re certainly not kids. You’ve probably been menstruating for several years.”

Alright. Enough of that. Next week there’s going to bring some major, 100th episode-style declarations of unrequited love. And the outcome will probably kill us. So this could very well be our last “Bones” recap. (Preemptive wave goodbye!)

Posted by:Mikey O'Connell