bones bikini in the soup 'Bones': You're nobody till somebody lends you a Tommy gun

In TV-world, it’s Valentine’s Day all week long — especially if your show features two recently heartbroken and star-crossed partners.

And so we continue to celebrate this fabricated holiday on the Feb. 17 episode of “Bones,” the ominously-titled “The Bikini in the Soup,” where the Jeffersonian gang tries to solve a murder in time for Cam (Tamara Taylor) to have a night of passion with Gyno Boyfriend.

Overacting guest stars, all the romance you can handle and a new cautionary tale against fake tanning all lay ahead!

For the squints:

  • Praise, the “Bones” gods. It seems like it’s been forever since we last had a truly campy body-discoverer. The maid finding the muddy corpse in the tanning could easily be a scene the direct-to-Spanish-speaking-Lifetime “I Know What You Did Last Summer: Part 47.” “Se�ooooora, you haven’t been cooooking again, have you?” No, typecast Latina extra, she’s just dissolved after three days under ultraviolet light.
  • Dr. Clark Edison (Eugene Byrd) is back, as his new “open book” mantra. His skills end up being better applied to the gang’s various romantic queries than the actual case.
  • Bridezilla! The victim du jour was a wedding planner, and she surrounded herself with three equally obnoxious suspects: a flamboyant executive assistant, a nasty bride and an even nastier father of the bride. (Was Steve Martin busy or something?)
  • It’s not the presumed-gay assistant — he’s cuffed in one of the promotional stills, so you know that rules him out — it’s the estranged husband. He was bummed that she was leaving all of her assets to presumed-gay assistant. And sleeping with him, too. 
  • The confrontation in the interrogation room, with Brennan (Emily Deschanel) retelling “Wuthering Heights” in an attempt to get the carriage-driving ex-husband to confess, is easily one of the best examples of the enduring Brennan/Booth (David Boreanaz) chemistry all season. And, have we mentioned we want Emily Deschanel to win an Emmy?

For the shippers:

  • Because we’re all about stoicism on “Bones,” nobody’s really mentioning Booth’s major meltdown last week. But they’re all happy to dole out the humiliating sighs and acknowledgments of having to spend the day solo.
  • Brennan, also technically alone for V-Day, spends much of the episode fielding invites from would-be suitors. Each one receives a personalized and candid dismissal, like “I don’t have a mother. Can I call you back to say ‘no?'”
  • Sweets (John Francis Daley) is a nonentity this week. And we’re increasingly suspicious about absentee Daisy (Carla Gallo). Yes, Gallo signed on for a pilot, but she can’t possibly be too busy to even stop by — right?
  • There’s obviously a lot of shippiness going on here this week — Cam finally finding time with her boyfriend, Hodgins (T.J. Thyne) procuring the perfect gift for Angela (Michaela Conlin) and Clark dressing up like a cherub for some supremely creepy role-playing — but we’re all really here for Booth and Brennan. And they manage to spend the evening together, in their own uniquely romantic way.
  • Did we say that the interrogation scene was the best example of their enduring chemistry? We’d like to scratch that, and change our vote to the par firing Tommy guns and speaking in hokey gangster dialect. 

Brennanism of the week: “It’s a ridiculous holiday. The banks don’t even close” (It’s funny because it’s true.)

So there you have it, fans. We’re “Bones”-less for another three weeks. And if our spidey senses serve us well, we think we can expect a return to form for the show as our duo begin to heal from the wounds inflicted by Booth’s ill-fated relationship.

Posted by:Mikey O'Connell