It’s rock and roll night on “Dancing With the Stars”! Well, let’s be honest. How rock and roll can this show really be? It’s got to be the cheesiest show on television. Maybe “The Bachelor” is cheesier, but only because of the most dramatic rose ceremony ever. This show is like when Donny Osmond does a cover version of “Magic Carpet Ride.” Not all that rocking. They really went all out, though, with a rock version of the theme song and a new logo on the judges’ table.
First, they are counting down the top ten dances of all time. I know that a lot of people were upset because it was a closed competition; not every dance ever done on the show was offered as an option on the vote. Anyway, the dance at number ten is Mark and Shawn’s freestyle. It doesn’t seem as impressive to me this time around; I don’t know if the dancing is better in recent seasons, or if I was blinded by the excitement of the finale. I still think it was a really unflattering outfit for Shawn though. That moves right into number nine, Donny and Kym’s tango. Really, America? I guess a lot of people really like Donny Osmond. Number eight is Helio and Julianne’s quickstep, the one that’s like “The Mask” with the yellow banana suit. I can’t believe Helio won that season. But I will say this; that routine had a ton of content. He might not have been the best dancer, but if you compare how much actual dancing he did to, say, Donny’s tango, he put it all out there. Number seven is Apolo and Julianne’s freestyle. I really didn’t love this at the time, but in retrospect, it was pretty awesome. Again, Apolo just had a ton of natural dancing ability and they did a lot of moves.
So are they just going to reveal the entire top ten before any dancing starts? I guess this is the filler for the week. Number six is Derek and Joanna’s futuristic paso doble. Oh, this routine makes me laugh. It’s FROM THE FUTURE! They are doing little pop-up factoids during the routines, and it makes me think that I would love a dancer’s commentary on some of these routines. That could be a whole show — relive the best dances and have the dancers talking over them, pointing things out or giving background info. I smell a network special!
Number five is another paso doble, this one from Mel B. and Maks. This might be my favorite of the top ten, even though I liked their waltz better. They certainly have gotten a lot of use out of Mel’s costume for this routine; I know Melissa wore it once and I think Lacey did too. I can’t believe they didn’t win. This was the season that I started to like Maks; I hated him before. But I loved them together. You guys, she got beat by Helio. Booo!
Number four is yet another paso doble, this one Nicole and Derek’s fifties style dance from last season. While I wasn’t a huge Nicole fan as a person (it all just seemed kind of unfair), she was an amazing dancer, and this was an amazing routine. As they throw to commercial, Tom makes a crack about one of Brooke’s routines being in the top three perhaps. Girl, please. There’s no way. If it is, the fix is in.
The dance at number three is Apolo and Julianne’s samba. I don’t even remember this. It all blurs together after a while. It’s funny how much more sophisticated the audiences have gotten since then. People are cheering for moves that would only get a smattering of applause these days. Ooh, the dance at number two is probably my all-time favorite: Gilles and Cheryl’s Argentine tango. Although Jennifer and Derek’s tango this season was close.
To the surprise of no one, the number one dance is Drew and Cheryl’s “Save a Horse, Ride a Cowboy” freestyle (no link because it’s before we started covering the show). And I am glad we are seeing this again, because I never thought it was all that awesome. Prove me wrong, Lachey. Eh, after watching it, I think I’m right. It was good at the time, but times have changed. Also, it was before the show was in HD so it looks awful. I liked Drew and Cheryl, but that was not the best dance the show has ever seen.
Finally, the show actually begins. I still don’t get the strategy of putting filler at the beginning of the show, but no one asked me. And I thought they were doing two dances each this week — why do they even need filler? Oh, I guess it’s one dance and then the marathon, which won’t take as long. Despite being called a marathon. The couples are introduced and Rick stumbles on the stairs. I’m waiting for someone to fully bite it on the stairs. When is that going to happen?
Brandy and Maks: 26 + 10 = 36
Audrina and Tony: 24 + 8 = 32
Rick and Cheryl: 24 + 6 = 30
Kyle and Lacey: 23 + 7 = 30
Bristol and Mark: 24 + 5 = 29
Jennifer and Derek: 20 + 9 = 29
Kurt and Anna: 18 + 4 = 22
Photo credit: ABC