best lines jan 26 31 downton abbey community 'Downton Abbey,' 'Community' and more best lines from the week of Jan. 26 31Zap2it has rounded up the best zingers from the past week of TV — everything from the Grammys to the “White Collar” finale. Be sure to check out our Best Lines of January gallery too.

‘Downton Abbey’

Violet: “I wonder your halo doesn’t grow heavy. It must be like wearing a tiara ’round the clock.”

Cousin Isobel: “You make me sound very fervent.”
Lady Violet: “Wars have been waged with less fervor.”

The Grammy Awards

LL Cool J: “It pains me to admit this, but there are people who don’t even know that I make music.”

‘How I Met Your Mother’

The Mother, St. Patrick’s Day 2008: “How is the bathroom line this long, yet the floor is covered in urine?”

Cindy: “You just met me — I could be a serial killer.”
The Mother: “I like to believe in people. Plus what are the chances that we’re both serial killers?”

‘The Blacklist’

Red: “Now be polite — you’re about to meet one of the nicest narcotics dealers this side of Cleveland.”


Christy: “How’s it going with the chemo?”
Marjorie: “It’s great fun. I can’t believe I waited this long to try it.”

Marjorie: “Holding on to anger is like drinking poison and expecting it to kill the other person.”


Malory: “Cyril, go lock up the product before Cokie Monster here gobbles it all up. …”
Cyril: “Where am I supposed to lock up 2,000 pounds of cocaine?”
Archer: “Cyril, look around. Somewhere in this mansion, I have to assume, is a gigantic Scrooge McDuck-ian vault.”

Cheryl: “Since I can’t write a genre-defining country song with you people screaming about a horde of Chinese daylight vampires, who are probably scuttling up the drain pipes even as we speak, go out there and kill them!”

‘American Horror Story: Coven’

Madison, on her own personal Hell: “I was stuck on a network musical, a live version of ‘The Sound of Music.’ I wasn’t even the lead, I was Liesl.”

Madison: “She lost, fair and square.
Not my fault. You can’t disqualify me. Either I’m Supreme or I’m not.
You know, I’m starting to think Fiona had the right idea, leaving this
s***show behind. I’m thinking very seriously about doing the same thing.
So either crown me, or kiss my a**.”

Madison: “Who knew the test came in braille?”

Fiona: “You took my power the minute I gave birth to you.”


Trout: “We all have things to do. Personally, I have to get home in time to watch ‘2 Broke Girls,’ see what kind of pickle they’re in this week, right?”

Woody: “I can’t die, I have 43 Twitter followers that depend on me. And a daughter.”

Gus: “Why do you always get to be the criminal? I wanna half be offensive too.”
Shawn: “What kind of criminal wears slacks and tucks his shirt into his underwear?”
Gus: “A black-collar criminal.”

‘White Collar’

Mozzie: “No death centers!”
Peter: “It’s a hospital.”
Mozzie: “They’ll have a bar-coded tramp stamp on me before the first IV drip.”

Mozzie: “Thanks for going all ‘Terms of Endearment’ on the doctor for me.”
Elle: “It was fun.”

‘The Big Bang Theory’

Sheldon: “Excuse me, I sat through ‘Iron Man 2.’ I believe [Robert Downey Jr.] owes me two hours of his time.”

‘Parks and Recreation’

Leslie: “Ain’t no party like a Leslie Knope party ‘cuz a Leslie Knope party is actually 30 parties!”


Hickey: “Welcome to the labyrinth, kid! Only there ain’t no puppets or bisexual rock stars down here.”

Annie: “You might want to start talking turkey, Waldron. The Macy’s parade is almost over and Grandma’s ready to get drunk.”

Dean Pelton: “Man, this got Sorkin-y.”

‘Teen Wolf’

Lydia: “Mr. Harris used to teach biology until his new occupation — human sacrifice.”

Stiles: “If anything happens, I will run and leave you both for dead.”

Lydia: “If I wanted to go to a rave, I’d get a time machine and go back to the ’90s.”

‘The Crazy Ones’

Lauren, to a cat: “There would be no cuter way to go! Do you want to rip my throat out? Yes, you do!”

Posted by:Andrea Reiher

TV critic by way of law school, Andrea Reiher enjoys everything from highbrow drama to clever comedy to the best reality TV has to offer. Her TV heroes include CJ Cregg, Spencer Hastings, Diane Lockhart, Juliet O'Hara and Buffy Summers. TV words to live by: "I'm a slayer, ask me how."