badger Gordon Ramsay dwarf porn lookalike eaten by badgers

The headline pretty much covers it, but we will provide further details for all the newshounds out there.

According to reports, Percy Foster, a 35-year-old dwarf adult film star, was found partially eaten in a badger’s den in Wales. Workers from the Ministry of Agriculture were preparing to gas the den when they came across the 3’6″ Foster buried deep within the the tunnels of the sett (another name for a network of badger tunnels).

Foster was new to the world of porn but had impressed producers with his uncanny resemblance to celebrity chef Gordon Ramsay. According to as much Google research as we could feasibly do in the office without getting fired, celebrity-lookalike-dwarf-porn is the financial pinnacle of adult dwarf entertainment and Foster was set to strike it rich.

However, the stress may have been too much for Foster, as adult film producer Dexter Yamunkeh notes that “Percy was a little guy with big problems. He was doing well but he was under pressure 24/7, like everyone in this g**damned business.”

We will spare you the inevitable “Master Chef” porn titles that we are all obviously thinking and simply wonder this: in a world where everything has already been done at least once, could this be the first suicide by badger?

AUTHOR’S NOTE: The badger pictured with this story is NOT associated in any way with Percy Foster or his tragic end. It is, to our knowledge, innocent of any violence against humanity.

Posted by:janderson