ben brandee love in the wild 'Love in the Wild': Ben is 'a wife beater with his words'   yepSo if you’re anything like us, last week’s lack of drama, tears and gnashing of teeth left us a little disappointed in “Love in the Wild.” But the latest episode restores our faith.

Ben keeps insisting it takes a “special kind of person” to like him long term and that some people think he’s “the biggest d*** they ever met.” Uh, yeah. ‘Cause you kinda are and can’t read a room. Meanwhile, Erica is not elated that Miles went with Heather instead of staying with her.

The Adventure Date

There are a series of bridges suspended in the air and there is no map, plus they’ll be tethered to each other and will have to collect a new tether at each bridge. Right off the bat, Ben/Brandee can’t figure anything out and Ben’s getting short with her. He says he’s interested in seeing how she reacts to his “competitive nature.” Uh, has it ever occurred to you, dude, that maybe people shouldn’t have to handle or react to you and you should just be a normal person?

One bridge crosses through a cave with bats and you’d honestly think they were rabid and vampiric or something. They’re just bats! Duck your head and move quickly. There is a tether in the bat cave (duh) and Ben/Brandee miss it. Ben yells at Brandee about it – of course he does, because he has a mommy complex and is probably impotent.

Derek has a decent scary moment where he falls on a precariously rope bridge and he’s pretty freaked out. Jessica is turned off because he’s acting like a girl. Hey, people are scared of stuff. Leave him alone, dude.

Heather/Miles miss the bat cave tether as well, but Miles does not yell at Heather, so that’s nice. He also is really sweet when they’re on the rickety rope bridge. Aww, love connection! Skip/Theresa seem to be getting along well, so not much time is spent on them ’cause that’s boring. Peter keeps jumping and swinging on one bridge and Jess is scared and asks him to stop and when he doesn’t, she’s really turned off and annoyed. Apparently Derek got the wrong Jess.

The teams finish Kym/Adam (who get the Oasis and a lunch at a volcano), Peter/Jess, Ben/Brandee, Skip/Theresa, Mike/Samantha. Way behind are the rest of the couples, who can’t find their last tethers. Steele and Vanessa are fighting –  bet Dawn is lookin’ pretty good right now, eh Steele?

Hilariously, Jason is annoying the crap out of Heather because he won’t stop talking. I hear ya, sister. And finally she just snaps out a “Shut up!,” which is also hilarious. Jason seems all offended, but like – dude. Put a sock in it.

Jason/Erica finish 6th, Miles/Heather take 7th, Steele/Vanessa take 8th and Derek/Jess take last. Oooh. That’s unfortunate.

The Oasis/Cabins

Adam and Kym love their reward, but there doesn’t seem to be much spark. Kym describe the chances as “slight.” And at dinner, turns out they have pretty much nothing in common or similar life goals. And Adam doesn’t seem daunted whatsoever, while Kym is looking for an escape hatch. Heh.

Jason and Erica just have to agree that they don’t get along, but that seems to annoy Jason even further. Has he never been rejected before?  Erica just straight up moves out of the cabin.

Miles takes Heather on a picnic, which is super sweet. Awww. They’re so low on the list, they should just agree to stay together. Meanwhile, Ben admits to Brandee that he’s the “equivalent of a wife beater with his words.” Couldn’t have put it better myself, fella.

Derek and Jess, who are not currently paired, are having some hammock time together, while Steele and Vanessa have to “talk” because she feels like she’s losing him. Um, it’s been a day. Stop being so needy and desperate! You’re being creepy. No wonder you’re single, lady. Being “vulnerable” is not the same as being needy or desperate or clingy or possessive. She cries as she say she doesn’t deserve to be alone. Well, if you act the way you do …

Morning Mingling

Peter approaches Vanessa because he’s done with Jess and she’s done with Steele. Ugh, noooo Peter! Save yourself. But Vanessa knows a life preserver when she sees one and she’s ready to kiss up to him so he’ll choose her and save her from going home. But in the morning, he’s flirting with Erica. Ooh, throw Vanessa under the bus! Ditch her. Doooo it.

Erica wakes up poolside with a bottle of wine next to her. Damn right, girlfriend. And Mike and Samantha wake up and are all schmoopy and cute.

Adam and Kym take a helicopter ride to their volcano-side picnic and more awkward non-connection happens. He broaches the switching subject and she basically says she wants to explore things with Steele. Adam kind of says he’d be willing to team up with her once she’s Steele’s sloppy seconds. Snerk.

Peter is now really wafflign about his agreement with Vanessa. Ooh, blindside!

Couples Choice Thunderdome

I forgot Adam and Kym get a guaranteed switch. Ooh, if I were in a couple that wanted to stay together and one of the first place finishers poached me or him, I’d be so pissed.

So the girls start first this time and Kym asks Steele to join her and he’s pumped about it. Adam them poaches Heather from Miles and she looks less than thrilled. She actually looks like she’s being shipped off as a mail-order bride to some creepy old man. Jess/Peter are next and Jess asks Derek, who says yes. Peter then asks Erica – and Vanessa pulls a face – and Erica TURNS HIM DOWN. Oooh, snap! Hilarious. Especially after she and Jason couldn’t make a connection. Will it come back to bite her?

Ben/Brandee are next. Brandee decides to “stick it out” with Ben and he agrees (’cause he knows no one else will have him). Theresa/Skip take their turn and Theresa chooses to stay and he agrees. Man, how plastic does Theresa look? Yikes.

Samantha/Mike of course choose to stay together – she reminds me of Sara Lancaster from “Chuck,” just btw. Anyway, moving on to Erica/Jason. Erica asks Miles, who she was with last week, and he agrees. Heather looks bummed. Jason now has to choose between Jessica and Vanessa and if whomever he picks says yes, that’s it. He picks Jessica, thank God, and she says yes. So Peter and Vanessa are going home. Haha on Vanessa, for being crazypants, and haha on Peter, for going back on his deal with Vanessa and having it come back to bite him. Awesome. Vanessa dimes him out on screwing her over and Erica makes a hilarious face. Yeah, whoops.

Next week: Snakes! And trouble in paradise for Samantha/Mike? Oh noes!

Posted by:Andrea Reiher

TV critic by way of law school, Andrea Reiher enjoys everything from highbrow drama to clever comedy to the best reality TV has to offer. Her TV heroes include CJ Cregg, Spencer Hastings, Diane Lockhart, Juliet O'Hara and Buffy Summers. TV words to live by: "I'm a slayer, ask me how."