When two of our favorite TV shows – Half Pint Brawlers and Pit Bulls and Parolees – failed to return this season, we thought there was no point in going on. But then a miracle happened – Pit Boss, airing Saturdays on Animal Planet. The series combines the best of the aforementioned shows – little people and vicious but misunderstood canines – but in a compact and efficient manner that makes us want to write a sequel to The Wizard of Oz called Munchkin Land and the Cowardly Pit Bull. Actually, it doesn’t. But if you like to see stereotypes overcome, call your friends and neighbors; we’re throwing a Pit Boss party!
Setting the scene:
Shorty Rossi is that rare breed of man who is as tough as nails but also has a heart of gold. And when you’re a little person living in a place as superficial as Hollywood, you need to be both tenacious and willing to scoop dog poop on a daily basis. So this week, let’s focus on the dog rescue side of the equation when it comes to decorating. That means making it look as though you are opening a mini-PetSmart in your living room. Grab a bunch of collars, leashes, Wee-Wee Pads, kennels, Milk-Bones, squeaky toys, muzzles, food and water bowls, dog beds, and any other dog-related items you want to throw in the mix. You might also scatter a few mannequin limbs around – an arm here, a leg there – to show the kind of stereotypes these poor dogs have had to put up with. Pit bulls are victims of poor PR. Lord knows the liberal press keeps all those Chihuahua attacks out of the newspapers to advance its Taco Bell agenda. But we digress. You might also add some furnishings that are proportional to Ashley, Ronald and Sebastian. Party favors can include DVDs of some of the best little people ensembles ever on film: Time Bandits, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, and The Wizard of Oz.
Shorty loves the Hollywood bowler look, but we’re just as likely to suggest guests wear protective scratch suits.
On the menu:
Anything that looks like dog food: canned corned beef hash, Dinty Moore beef stew, Reese’s Puffs cereal or Swedish meatballs. And for dessert, bake sugar cookies in the shape of dog biscuits.
On the hi-fi:
Short People by Randy Newman, anything by Pitbull.
Nothing says dedication to man’s best friend like committing your entire backyard to a kennel. So why not order a top-of-the-line multidog kennel from ClassyPetShop.com then have a local pit bull rescue organization bring over some prospective adoptees for guests to consider?