alisons kidnapper pretty little liars march of crimes 'Pretty Little Liars': Alison's 'kidnapper' comes forward in 'March of Crimes'On the latest “Pretty Little Liars,” Aria pulls her head out of her butt and everyone gets more and more sick of Alison’s crap.

Aria’s Lament

  • Last week, Aria got real ugly about what Hanna “claimed” Zach did to her — I say “claimed” because we all knew it was true, but Aria acted like it was Hanna telling lies. Thankfully, while her friend may have victim-blaming and slut-shaming, the show never did that to Hanna, so we knew it was only a matter of time until Aria realized her mistake.

That time is now. What’s nice is that Aria clearly knew in her heart that Hanna wouldn’t lie about that, because Aria immediately felt suspicious of Zach and eventually brought it up to her mom. Turns out Ella had an “incident” with this happening with Zach before, so the wedding is dunzo. Don’t let the door hit ya, pastry-school loser. Hope you enjoyed your meeting with Caleb’s fist.

It takes all episode, but Aria finally apologizes to Hanna. It’s a nice touch that even when Hanna says that “A” had a hand in Zach’s interest in her, Aria says that doesn’t matter and then asks for Hanna’s forgiveness. Yay, friends again!

Emily’s Wrath

It turns out Sydney is friends with Jenna from working at the school for the visually impaired in Philadelphia. We don’t know if that’s actually true, but that’s the story she spins for Spencer and Emily when she gets caught taking Jenna to the eye doctor. Emily doesn’t really care, though, because she is spitting mad at Sydney for getting close to her under false pretenses. She basically tells Sydney to watch herself or she’s gonna “bring down the hoe” on Sydney’s butt — remember when Emily was ready to stab “A” to death with a hoe in that pickup truck? That was amazing. And Sydney better watch out.

Spencer’s Mission

Spencer discovers that Noel Kahn has evidence that Alison was never kidnapped. He got it from Jenna’s house before it was blown to smithereens (Jenna got it from Shana) because he needs insurance against Alison ruining his life. Spencer gets it back and tells him she’ll keep it safer than he ever could. Hmm.

Alison’s “Kidnapper”

Speaking of Noel Kahn, the police “catch” the person who broke into the Marin house. It’s a strange man claiming that he kidnapped Alison and that she never saw what he looked like. Whoa. 

Thoughts & Tidbits

  • The kidnapper twist was awesome. That is “A’s” best play yet, y’all. I cannot wait to see what Alison does with this.
  • Spencer and Noel in the cabin was suitably scary and intense, particularly when that sheet over the chair moved. That reminded me of back in … Season 1 (?) when the body sat up in the morgue. Chills, really great.
  • The scene with Byron and Ella was so nice. He’s such a creep, but you know there is the part of him that loves Ella, so he hates to see her in so much pain. Plus, he knows what a colossal mistake it is to cheat on her.

What did you think of “March of Crimes”?

Posted by:Andrea Reiher

TV critic by way of law school, Andrea Reiher enjoys everything from highbrow drama to clever comedy to the best reality TV has to offer. Her TV heroes include CJ Cregg, Spencer Hastings, Diane Lockhart, Juliet O'Hara and Buffy Summers. TV words to live by: "I'm a slayer, ask me how."