In the hierarchy of the “Real Housewives” franchise, Bravo’s Miami iteration might never match the ratings highs of Atlanta or New Jersey, or be as obsessed over as Beverly Hills, but as it salsa-ed into its third season on Monday (Aug. 12) with all the Latin flair it’s come to be known for, it proved it’s determined not to go way of the D.C. debacle. (Heck, it survived Season 1, so it’s already a success by comparison.)
At the end of Season 2, bitter enemies Adriana De Moura and Joanna Krupa both found themselves engaged to be wed, setting the stage for an intense race to the altar between the feuding beauties. As tonight’s episode began (and the season’s advertising has teased), it’s clear that the nuptial ramp-up will be this season’s central focus. But that won’t be the only source of drama.
It appears that Adriana and bestie Lea Black are on the outs, as Lea feels slighted by Adriana not speaking up on her behalf at last season’s reunion when Marysol Patton and Ana Quincoces went on the attack. It doesn’t dawn on Lea to consider that maybe Adriana couldn’t find a defense for what were mostly accurate attacks on her character, but then, when has Lea ever been self-aware enough to clue in to that?
So, Lea has aligned herself with Joanna because that’s how things work on a show like this. You know, the whole “the enemy of my enemy is my friend” sort of thing. As these two are playing besties, Joanna reveals that a story showed up in the press revealing that Adriana and her fiance Frederic have been legally married for five years. Lea doesn’t seem too surprised. Hmm. I wonder who leaked that story?
Throughout the course of the hour, Adriana reveals to Marysol, Ana, Lisa Hochstein and returning full-time Housewive Alexia Echevarria that she and Frederic had decided to get married right after they began dating. At the time, her son Alex was nine and was freaked out by the idea, causing Frederic to call off the ceremony two weeks before the date. Apparently, by that time, the paperwork had been filed and the marriage license secured.
Adriana also alleges that Lea was to be her maid of honor and knew everything that had transpired, so her protestations otherwise to Joanna were some grade-A BS.
Adriana clearly thinks Lea leaked the story to the press (and I’m not so sure she’s wrong), but Lea will never own up to that, so this friendship and its mighty fractures are likely to own Season 3.
Whose side are you on: Adriana or Lea?
— So, Marysol and Ana are on supporting duty this season, while Season 2’s crazy dentist Karent Sierra is nowhere to be found and Alexia is back full-time. The revolving door of the “Miami” cast sure does promise to keep things fresh. Also, adios, Karent. You will not be missed.
— It’s great to see how much Alexia’s son Frankie has progressed since his terrible car accident. Not so great? How far older son Peter has fallen. One, he needs a haircut. Two, he need to stop beating up homeless people and uploading the video proof to YouTube. (Also, Alexia’s allegations that Lea’s been talking trash about her and Peter? SMH. Grow up, Lea.)
— Marysol reveals that Mama Elsa (this show’s MVP, IMHO) suffered a brain hemorrhage between seasons and had to have emergency brain surgery. As of tonight’s premiere, Elsa was still in the hospital, though the look ahead makes clear we’ll be seeing her again. Sweet relief. Be well, Mama Elsa.
— Joanna’s sister Marta is now living in Pennsylvania with boyfriend, race car driver Mario Andretti. Good on you, Marta! No more third-wheeling it with Joanna and Romain.
— Lisa’s still on the quest to get pregnant and inserting herself into other people’s drama. While I genuinely hope you find some happiness on the baby-making front, quit stirring the pot to get camera time. Throwing a get-together to get Lea and Adriana to talk and then not revealing to anyone until they’re all seated and drinking that Lea called an hour ago to flake reeks of “I want cameras on me now, please!”
— “I kind of feel like I’m Lea Black, 30 years ago.” – Joanna, who has trouble with math. This new BFF sitch should be long-lasting.
— “I live my life like everything matters because I think it does.” Deep, Lea. Deep.