“Sleepy Hollow” is an hour-long show, but does it ever take you less than an hour and a half to watch? There’s so much information packed into each episode that if you don’t have to rewind at least three different scenes to find out what the hell is going on then you are probably way smarter than I am and you need to tell me your secrets.
We opened “The Golem” with Ichabod stress-chopping wood, which is a thing that I now imagine happens in the country all the time? Like, if you’re having a bad day you just take some wood and split the heck out of it. Or maybe I just want to imagine Tom Mison chopping wood. Maybe that is my new happy place. (I rewound this not necessarily because I didn’t understand it, but because I wanted to see it again.)
Anyway. After that, John Noble showed up not to eat anyone’s sins but to help Ichabod connect with Katrina to talk to her about their son. His name was Jeremy, after Ichabod’s grandfather, and gave him to Abbie’s ancestor, Grace, to keep him safe.
Ichabod came back to real life, but unfortunately a creepy monster (yes, another one) followed him. Through a series of events I didn’t completely follow (my cat has been sitting on the fuzzy part of my guitar case and it’s really really cute…which led to rewind No. 2) we found out that the monster was a golem, brought to life by Jeremy and bound to his will.
Abbie, Ichabod, and Henry Parrish (a.k.a. John Noble) went to a library to research where Jeremy wound up — that’s how they discovered that it was a golem in their midst — and met a skeptical librarian, who also turned out to be a witch. A witch who was killed by the golem approximately 30 seconds later.
They realized she was a descendant of Katrina’s coven, and since the golem was doing Jeremy’s will, it would go after the other witches, who were still alive and traveling to carnivals. The gang headed to the nearby carnival to confront the carnie witches, who happened to have disgusting brown fangs and they also talked like creepy babies for no reason. The creepy baby carnie witches said Ichabod’s return would seal their fate, but then Ichabod was like yo, you killed my son and this monster is coming for ya.
(I would’ve rewound this but it was too terrifying to relive.)
Jeremy’s blood was needed to stop the golem, since that’s what started it in the first place. Through sheer coincidence, they realized that Ichabod’s blood would do the trick in a pinch and they stabbed him and stopped it.
Back at the station after their adventure, a voice came to Ichabod and told him that Moloch is coming to kill Abbie. Just a fun little cap on their adventure! (Rewind No. 3) Oh, also, a demon possessed a poor hot chocolate salesman and threatened the life of Captain Irving’s daughter. (This is a side plot that will clearly turn into something bigger in the next few weeks.)
So, to recap this recap: Ichabod and Abbie outsmarted yet another monster, multiple lives are in danger, and there were also some excellent jokes. In other words: Monday.