ben coach wade survivor 'Survivor: Heroes vs. Villains': Benjamin 'Coach' Wade slain by villains“Survivor: Heroes vs. Villains” sees the Villains lose. Again. The Dragon Slayer is the casualty.

I love how Jeff’s voiceover during the previouslies makes it sound like the Villains will just die with out Rob and Russell made the wrong move. For Russell, that was the right move. Even Rob thinks so, he told us in his interview.

Parvati and Russell gloat about their big time move. Parvati and Danielle are terrifying in night-vision, right? Like things out of the “Thriller” video. Yikes. Coach is all self-righteous and indignant about voting off Rob, yet you’ll notice he didn’t cast his vote for Russell and force a tie. He laments Jerri’s mistake, but you could’ve at least given Rob a chance! “The villains arein the crapper, I don’t think we’ll win another challenge.” Oh really? Then why’d you vote for Courtney, you p*****.  I hate Coach.

J.T. goes looking for the Hidden Idol and finds it, though Amanda catches him because he’s a dumbass and doesn’t stuff it in his pants quickly enough. He then just decides to blab it to everyone so the tribe will “come together.” Oh, J.T. There is a reason I haven’t dubbed the Heroes the “brains” of this game. Amanda and Candice are totally on to J.T.’s deal, they know him having the Idol is dangerous.

They think a merge is coming and they are pumped (obviously) because A) they might NOT win anymore without Rob and B) they have the numbers advantage. So they take all their stuff to the challenge.

Reward Challenge
Interestingly, the Heroes think the Villains women have an alliance because there are only 2 men left. J.T. mouths to Russell to “hang in there.” Oh, that is rich. They think Russell needs a lifeline. That is hilarious.

After a Jeff fake-out on the merge (oh, Probst. You’re so wily.), it’s “Survivor” bowling for a pizza feast. The stupid villains sit out Sandra and Courtney instead of the two men. I’m sorry, but they need the men in case the challenge is purely physical. Bowling is something women can do just as well as men, it is absolutely asinine they didn’t sit Coach and Russell. Maybe I should stop calling the Villains “brains” too.

In the challenge, the Villains keep gutter-balling it. Coach and Russell put a few pins on the board, but the Heroes win 3-1. Honestly, a feast is nice, but it is so stupid that they now HAVE to play Courtney and Sandra in the Immunity challenge. Are you kidding? Olive Oyl and the old lady? Sigh.

During the pizza feast, the Heroes are pumped that it looks like Coach and Russell are on the outs at the Villains. Hee!

The Villains get back and Jerri si whining her butt off about “why did we pack up the camp” and “why did Courtney and Sandra sit out?” Geez, Jerri. You’re a person with a voice and a spine, speak up if different people need to sit out! Speak up! And don’t get all bitchy just because you’re mad you looked super desperate to merge. If you’re going to blame anyone, blame Coach. “I need pizza.” Is he insane? I hate Coach.

Sandra has a great bead on Russell and she and Courtney scheme to tell Russell that Coach wants him gone because they know Russell will then get Coach out. That Sandra, she’s a smart cookie. So Sandra lays the groundwork with Russell and he totally falls for it. That’s the interesting thing about Russell — he is simultaneously in charge and easy to manipulate.

Immunity Challenge
It’s a mud race where you are tied to a partner. You race another pair and whoever brings a flag back first, wins a pair. It’s going to go pair-pair, one-on-one and then a pair-pair. Whoever wins two out of three wins Immunity.

First is Russell-Sandra vs Amanda-Candice. Sandra is super slow (shocker) and the Heroes win. Sandra just totally gives up halfway through, it’s disgusting. How did no one speak up and make her bowl? This is infuriating.

Next is Coach vs Rupert. This better be a Coach win, I mean GOD. Rupert looks like he’ll win going into the final dash, which should embarrass the hell out of Coach. The last one JT-Colby vs Parvati-Courtney. The boys smoke them. Man, it should’ve been Russell-Jerri and Parvati-Danielle. The Villains lost their “brains” when Rob left.

“The dragon slayer is just coming into his own.” Uh, you almost lost to Rupert, dummy. Danielle approaches Russell about keeping Coach in order to make sure they win the next Immunity and they get into a big ol’ argument. She has a very valid point, but that doesn’t go with Russell’s strategy. For me, I’d rather keep my tribe strong so we had the numbers at the merge, but Russell looks out for No. 1 at all times, which is valid too. Only one person wins the money.

Russell approaches Danielle and Parvati about switching to Courtney. Nobody seems to have taken Jerri’s temperature, but you’d have to assume she’s voting for Courtney.

Jeff wonders if it was smart to get rid of Rob and Tyson, now that they are getting smoked. Jeff points out that Coach is the only one who has won a point in a physical challenge and Coach practically says, “Aw shucks, Jeff.” Gross.

Courtney is then slightly offended that Jeff thinks they would be better in physical challenges than she is. Uh, is she blind? She then totally says she’s weak when she calls out Coach for saying “I wanna eat” and sitting out Sandra and Courtney at the reward. Courtney then babbles about being a tough little bitch. I don’t even know, she gives me a headache.

During the vote, we only see Coach vote Courtney and Courtney vote Coach. My boyfriend goes, “Is that a chicken feather in his hair” right before Courtney then points it out also. Seriously, what is that about?

The votes go Coach, Coach, Courtney, Courtney, Courtney, Coach and… COACH. Wow. That surprises me. So Courtney, Sandra, Russell and … Parvati voted Coach? Danielle and Jerri stuck with Courtney?

Jeff’s parting words of wisdom are, “The problem with trust is you don’t know it’s gone until it’s too late.” Jeff Probst is so deep.

Turns out the Coach votes were from Sandra, Courtney, Danielle and Parvati. Interesting that Russell is the one who went with Courtney (along with Coach and Jerri). Wonder what that’s about?

Thoughts & Tidbits

  • Did I mention that I hate Coach? He sucks. If I was out there, I would want to make him cry on camera just for fun. How will I interview him without making fun of him? Or just giggling the entire time?
  • Rupert covered in mud is like the Swamp Thing. That’s gonna haunt my dreams.
  • Courtney barely had any mud on her face when she was done. Way to try your best there, Olive Oyl.
  • The tease for next week with J.T.? HOLY CRAP, J.T.

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Photo credit: CB

Posted by:Andrea Reiher

TV critic by way of law school, Andrea Reiher enjoys everything from highbrow drama to clever comedy to the best reality TV has to offer. Her TV heroes include CJ Cregg, Spencer Hastings, Diane Lockhart, Juliet O'Hara and Buffy Summers. TV words to live by: "I'm a slayer, ask me how."