JJ-marquel-nick-bachelorette-ABC.jpgOn the latest “Bachelorette,” viva la France! There are romantic dates, scary mimes and racism claims, so what more could you want in a reality TV episode, really?

Josh’s Date

Big hulking Josh gets the first date, but the first part of the segment consists of a conversation between Andi and turtleneck-clad Chris Harrison. O.M.G. Chris Harrison should NEVER WEAR ANYTHING ELSE.

Some week, instead of a clip show that recaps the season, there should just be an hour of turtlenecked Chris Harrison reading poetry. I would die. DIE. Oh, and Andi says she’s falling in love with more than one guy. But who cares, because CHRIS HARRISON IN A TURTLENECK SWEATER.

When the date finally starts, after the ridiculous Suave commercial featuring Andi, Catherine and Desiree, Josh and Andi … do something. I don’t know what, there was a severe weather alert that cut into my broadcast.

At dinner, Josh opens up about his trust issues with one girl because she kissed someone else, and how serious he is about saying “I love you” to someone he wants to marry, not just to every girl who looks at him sideways. But he’s starting to feel it for Andi, gang. And they smooch on it and then dance in their own private concert. But by “dance,” I mean they sway and make out more. You know that if there were a fantasy suite card, they’d be turning off the lights as we go to commercial, if you get my drift.

Group Date Nightmare Fuel

The group date, which is for every guy except Brian and Josh, is miming out on the streets of Marseille, so, short of dressing up as Pennywise, that’s like the scariest date ever. But the guys are good sports and try really hard, which is good of them. They have fun with it … except for Nick. Nick is a major sour puss about it and like, I understand feeling weird about it, but they’ve made “Bachelor” contestants do stand-up comedy in Los Angeles. You can do some miming in France, dude.

Later that night, J.J. kidnaps Andi off to a big Ferris wheel that provides an absolutely breathtaking view of Marseille. While they are off, the guys talk about who thinks they are more deserving to be there and Cody takes issue with Nick acting like he’s all better than everybody else, which is interesting. Nick seems like a really good guy, but there have also been flashes of him maybe being a jerk. It’s like he keeps it on the DL way better than most guys, but you can maybe see that under the surface, he’s maybe not a great guy. Hmmm.

Interestingly, Chris (who Andi herself calls the nicest guy in the world) tells Andi that Nick might not be the most upstanding guy. Cody then reiterates much the same to Andi and it’s all giving her pause about this guy she thinks is so great. Andi talks to Nick about it, because she didn’t love his attitude during the miming thing.

nick v bachelorette abc 'The Bachelorette': Nick rouses suspicions, Marquel and Andrew have it outAndi’s big issue here is that she has such an emotional/intellectual connection with Nick, but it makes her nervous that two of the nicest guys are saying that Nick isn’t maybe the nicest guy. That might actually be a red flag. I have some experience with a great intellectual connection with a guy who actually treated me … kind of crappy. And it was hard to look past the great intellectual connection because you want that so much with someone.

I’m not saying Nick treats Andi like crap, but there are red flags here. Of course, all might be forgiven after he reads her a poem that praises her strength and then kisses her. At least Andi has the self-awareness to say that “it got complicated” with Nick tonight. Sure did, lady.

J.J. ends up getting the rose and that’s OK — he was relatively drama-free on the date, plus he gave his all during the mime thing. Nick sulks because he thinks this is a sign that Andi took another step with J.J. and not himself. Nick’s a little bit of a whiner, huh?

The Drama

So, this is on-going during the episode, but it doesn’t come to a head until the group date. Marquel hears from J.J. that Andrew
referred to Marquel as “blackie.” Wow, dude. I mean, sure, it’s not the N-word, but it’s still like — really? Really, Andrew? Though he has pinged my d-bag radar since this show started, so I’m also not surprised.

Marquel finally confronts Andrew about it, saying that he heard that Andrew said after the first rose ceremony that Andi “picked the two blackies.” Yikes. Andrew laughs at this notion and says that it’s completely false. You know what I wonder, honestly? Did Andrew say that Andi “picked the two black guys” and someone heard “blackies” and now it’s getting blown out of proportion? Like, he didn’t mean “black guys” as a pejorative, but simply as an identifier because after the first rose ceremony, I barely know anybody’s name and I write about the show, you know? So probably the guys don’t know each other’s names either. I mean, I’m not defending Andrew because he is the guy who got the hostess’ phone number, but I do wonder if it happened that way.

Brian’s Date

The date card has the word “recipe” on it and Cody laments that it’s not his date because he’s a “foodie” and loves to cook. Awww. Perhaps I have misjudged Cody. He seems better and better as the show goes on.

But anyway, it’s time to focus on Brian. They go see a movie in a really cute little theater and the movie is about a cook, then afterwards they go shopping in a market. It sounds lame when I talk about it here, but it’s a really cute date — as Andi says, it’s very normal. It’s a very this-could-be-our-life date. They sample some French delicacies, like sea urchin and frog legs, and Brian is a good sport.

However, they get back to Andi’s place to cook the food and he’s acting really weird. I mean, if you don’t cook, why not just give it your all and hope for the best? To borrow Andi’s word, why is he being so standoffish? Cooking is very romantic, I love to cook with my husband. But these two are really struggling. This date is so cold that I’m worried he’s not going to get the rose.

They end up ditching the food they prepared because the frog legs have no taste and head to a restaurant. Brian still seems pretty awkward, though. It turns out he’s just totally over-thinking it, but at least he confesses this all to Andi and makes with the smoochies. He just redeemed himself and he gets the rose, though the rest of the date was super weird.

Rose Ceremony

Andi has decided that there’s no need for a cocktail party and that there are three guys that she’s sure should go home. Chris Harrison tells her straight-out that there are some guys who will be upset about that, but she’s sure. When Harrison tells the guys, there are a few who are nervous.

Did you catch the sneak peek of “Bachelor in Paradise” during the commercial? I can hardly wait, y’all. It’s like “Bachelor Pad” times 1000.

Anyway, Josh, J.J. and Brian already have roses (and Andi has some big hair, compared to how she normally looks). The rest of the roses go to Marcus, Nick, Chris, Dylan (that one surprises me) and Cody, which means Andrew, Patrick and Marquel are going home. Bummer on Marquel — I really thought for sure he and Dylan would be reversed in this scenario.

No tears over Andrew and Patrick. We hardly knew ye. Also, on his way out, Andrew says he was “bullied” in the house. Um, let’s not get carried away, dude. Just because something doesn’t go your way doesn’t mean you were “bullied.”

So, you know how there’s been talk about how there’s never been a gay or black “Bachelor” or “Bachelorette”? ABC has the chance right here with Marquel. He made it far enough on the show to be liked by the fans and he seems charismatic enough to carry his own series.

Next week: Venice! And a lie detector test, what?! That is awesome.

Posted by:Andrea Reiher

TV critic by way of law school, Andrea Reiher enjoys everything from highbrow drama to clever comedy to the best reality TV has to offer. Her TV heroes include CJ Cregg, Spencer Hastings, Diane Lockhart, Juliet O'Hara and Buffy Summers. TV words to live by: "I'm a slayer, ask me how."