It’s time to depart sunny Los Angeles, as “Bachelorette” Andi Dorfman heads up the coast to Santa Barbara and the men join her. Santa Barbara’s a pretty town, should provide plenty of scenic dates. Let’s dive right in …
Nick V. is the first solo date and you know what we like about him? He’s real. He’s not some shiny, waxed, six-pack-having, shiny guy named Chad. You can tell that he’s there for the experience and not to become famous, which is nice. Not that there’s anything wrong with going on the show to become famous, honestly, but he just seems very sincere. Also, Andi gets major points for seemingly seeing in Nick what we see in him.
However, the guys back at home think Nick is skeptical and not sincere, so perhaps there is a lot going on behind the scenes that we aren’t privy to regarding Nick. Hmmm. That would be a shame because he seems so sweet. He’s not pinging my d-bag radar at all.
And no sooner do I type that then he admits on the date that he’s skeptical about the process but he’s got a crush on Andi. See! He’s totally sincere and adorable. Pipe down, Andrew and Marcus. Why don’t you go compare wax jobs on your
penises sports cars and leave the rest of us alone?
That night at dinner, he has his collar popped, so that’s some points off, but I like him so much that I’m not even that offended. He also earns some points back by saying that this show lends itself to falling in love with the idea of someone versus actually falling in love with that person. He seems to have such a good head on his shoulders and he’s taking this seriously but also with a grain of salt, which is how you have to take this show.
Then they go up to the clock tower and make out, and Andi seems quite smitten with Nick, so expect to see him around for a while.
Brian, Marquel, Cody, Tasos, Brett, Ron, Bradley, Josh, Eric, Andrew, Patrick and Marcus are the group daters. They are both pumped and also terrified to learn that for the date, they are singing with Boyz II Men. How many do you think will make it to the end of the road?
I have to say, as an aside, BIIM has not sounded the same since the bass quit. He has health problems, it’s not just about him or the group being jerks or something (though there are rumors of a few problems), but anyway, I’ve always thought they should replace him because the harmonies aren’t the same without a bass.
Anyway, this date is as horrifying as you might expect. Most of the guys can’t sing at all, but then there’s Bradley, who has the opposite problem — there’s a reason he sings opera and not R&B. He sounds weird on R&B. Opera singers have very specific voice and vibrato and they oftentimes don’t sound very nice on other genres. The entire thing is kind of a trainwreck.
When it comes to the actual concert, I much prefer the team wearing the sweaters and hats. They look like real Boyz II Men guys. But those fly outfits are pretty much the best thing about the concert. It is … so, so bad.
That night, we learn the origin of the clip that implies Cody has a girlfriend back home — this is Andi’s funny little joke on Cody. She totall makes up a lie that the guys have ratted him out as to having a girlfriend. Sneaky, sneaky producers. What a great way to get dramatic footage that doesn’t actually mean anything. Wow.
Meanwhile, Eric is having the typical first-date-insecurity, where the first one-on-one person feels weird going on subsequent group dates and expects more out of the Bachelor/ette because of their connection from the one-on-one.
Marcus is angling for his first kiss with Andi and, at least according to the editing, he wastes no time going for that kiss. It seems like he brings it up pretty much as soon as they sit down together for some alone time, then after they kiss, he gets up and that’s that. In and out.
Josh has similar ideas as Marcus, but at least Josh offers a hello and a “How are you?” before he goes in to suck face. And apparently that greeting goes a long way because Josh gets the rose.
Ugh, the “pantsapreneur.” I will give J.J. some credit — he throws himself wholeheartedly into this really, really weird date. Andi says she “saved something special” for this date and that’s … one way of putting it.
J.J. gets points by pointing out how great Andi looks and how creepy he looks. For sure — she’s a “Golden Girl” and he’s “CSI’s” killer of the week. But then they both get a litlte creepy when they wander around a park and ask strangers to take their picture. Did they create some character choices off-screen of how they were both smokers for 50 years? Because, as my husband says, Andi sounds like she has emphysema.
Later, J.J. breaks out a Wether’s Original and I will begrudgingly admit that J.J. is really fun on this date, so maybe he’s not a d-bag.
At dinner, they talk about how quirky he is and how he was picked on as a kid for being weird and different. He of course gets the rose and they make out.
Back at the mansion, Ron gets a phone call and seems pretty upset. When we come back from commercial, he just starts packing his bags and then tells the guys he had a close friend pass away and he needs to go. Poor Ron, that stinks.
Josh eerily says, “It could happen to any one of us here, that’s what’s so weird about it,” as we all know that like a week or two after leaving the show, Eric died. It casts such a pall over certain things this season, you know?
And to pile on the sad stuff, poor Dylan starts talking to Chris about his life story and it turns out both his brother and sister died because they got too deep into drugs. Oof. That’s awful, how sad.
Andi starts off with a nice speech thanking the guys for being here and that she’s sad about Ron leaving and what happened to him in his personal life. It’s nice. Also, she looks killer in a fuchsia dress.
During her one-on-one time with Eric, Andi gets flowers and a note from Nick. Um, awkward. As Eric says, “I got c***-blocked by a bouquet of flowers.” Hee! That was kind of genius on the producers’ part, because I don’t think for one second A) That occurred to Nick to do on his own and B) that he found some late-night florist to make a delivery at like 11 pm at night or something.
But the flower delivery idea in general was totally Nick’s and that was a baller move.
Meanwhile, it’s time for some guy drama. J.J. is not feeling like Andrew has the best intentions, since he apparently got the hostess’ number at dinner while he was on a group date. Whoa. Dude! That is super duper slimy.
Not that I’m surprised
, however, since Andrew was one of two guys during the premiere episode who was talking about how they were a cut above the other guys because they’re into … Formula One racing or something ridiculous. Patrick and Andrew can both get bent. I’m not saying you have to come on this show to “find love,” but don’t be such an a-hole as to get the phone number of some girl you encounter while on the group date. That’s gross.
When Josh and J.J. confront Andrew, he storms off and says he isn’t engaging in this conversation. Josh and J.J. give chase and Andrew hides in his room. Heh. Yeah, he seems like a punk. Get rid of him, Andi!
Of course, Andrew chalks this up to the other guys thinking he’s a huge threat, so they’re trying to sabotage him. Uh huh. That’s the reason. He then claims he was “handed a phone number.” Hmmm. He also says he didn’t brag about it, though many of the guys say he did.
Honestly, Andrew seemed like a d-bag from night one, so he doesn’t get the benefit of the doubt from me. Blech.
But then, ughhhhh, Josh says to Andrew “I’m a grown-a** man.” Don’t say that. Nothing makes you sound less like a grown man than whipping out that unfortunate catch-phrase.
It’s weird that we aren’t shown anyone telling Andi. How would she send him home for this if she doesn’t know about it? Hmm.
Nick, Josh and J.J. have roses, the rest go to Marcus, Brian, Marquel, Tasos, Cody, Patrick, Chris, Eric, Dylan and … Andrew. Dun dun dun! Obviously somebody told her to pick him last, right? For the maximum drama. But do they tell her what’s going on with him? I’d have to say no, so that must be weird for Andi — “put Andrew last, but we can’t tell you why.”
This means Bradley the opera singer and Brett the hairstylist (who kind of has a mullet) are going home. No big loss there, sorry guys.
Tomorrow night, however, looks promising in the drama department!
Outtakes: The guys sing Boyz II Men songs and it’s amazing.