Whew! Jason Stackhouse (Ryan Kwanten) is not dead or a vampire.
Well, “True Blood’s” hottest human isn’t a vampire, anyway.
Jessica (Deborah Ann Woll) defied her maker by only pretending to sire one of Bon Temps’ Finest, but Jason took a pretty hard hit from the Fairy Elder — before Russell Edgington (Denis O’Hare) did us a solid and ate her. (With just one more episode remaining this season, we don’t have time for such fairy foolishness.)
Our fingers are crossed for Jason, but elsewhere, the bodies and vampire goop piled up in Season 5’s penultimate episode, “Sunset”:
Bill (Stephen Moyer) isn’t the only one who believes he is Lilith’s Chosen One. Both Salom� and Kibwe have been hearing the same thing from the bloody nudist. Salom�’s fate remains unknown, but Bill true-deathed Kibwe for daring to suggest he was a rival for the bloody nudist’s affections.
Rosalyn might be hearing the same thing, except she’s been busy arresting Pam for killing her progeny, Sheriff Elijah, and Jessica, for saving Jason and hiding out from her maker.
It’s hard to keep track of who’s coming or going — literally and mortality-wise — at Authority HQ! Nora has finally come to her senses and Eric engineers their escape by “recklessly” killing the military general who threatens to expose the Authority with evidence that Russell Edgington is alive. (Someone filmed him and Steve “eviscerating 22 frat boys” — hope they got their romantic slowdance to “Teenage Dream” afterward too!)
It’s especially chaotic and at the Authority jail cells. After Sam and Luna find Emma imprisoned, they shift from mice and are promptly arrested — while Pam, in handcuffs, passes them. Actually, only the two women are locked up; Sam volunteers to be Bill’s breakfast.
Meanwhile, Russell, is about to enjoy a fairy feast, with Sookie )Anna Paquin)
as his main course. If Jason, Eric or the other supes can’t save her, maybe Harlowe will? We can’t imagine that he’d take too kindly to another vamp taking his halfling after 300 years of waiting and a signed contract.
Something happened with Alcide too, but since Joe Manganiello was shirtless and flexing his muscles the entire time, we couldn’t really pay attention to much else. Sorry.
“There’s a reason you slut your heart out to any cute guy with fangs.” –The Fairy Elder, on Sookie’s contractual affinity for vampires
“Since when did I become a halfway house for wayward baby vamps?”– Pam, when Jess begged to let her hide at Fangtasia
“I’m a bitch, not a snitch. Love it.” Lafayette on Lafayette
“I’ve got a good thing starting with Holly and I just feel more comfortable with somebody’s who the same species.”–Andy to fairy baby mama Maurella, who’d best back off before we sic K$sha on her.
“I actually met him. He was a boring hippie who stank of patchouli” — Russell Edgington on Jesus