“WWE Extreme Rules” has arrived and it’s a battle of generations as the future of WWE battles the past and present. Brat Wyatt and John Cena will meet in a rematch from “Wrestlemania,”
The Shield will fight a reunited Evolution and Daniel Bryan defends his WWE World Heavyweight Championship against Kane.
The full card is as follows:
- The Shield vs. Evolution
- Daniel Bryan vs. Kane for the WWE World Heavyweight Championship in an Extreme Rules match
- John Cena vs. Bray Wyatt in a steel cage match
- Big E. vs. Bad News Barrett for the Intercontinental Championship
- Paige vs. Tamina Snuka for the Diva’s Championship
- Alexander Rusev vs. R-Truth and Xavier Woods
- Cesaro vs. Rob Van Dam vs. Jack Swagger
- El Torito vs. Hornswoggle in a “WeeLC” match (pre-show)
“Extreme Rules” kicks off at 8 p.m. ET on pay per view and the WWE Network. Zap2i
t will be live blogging the event, starting with the pre-show at 7:30 p.m. ET. Before festivities get underway, check out our predictions
7:41 – Well, this should be interesting. The commentators, referee and ring announcer are all little people. Micro Cole, Jerry “The Mini-King” Smaller and Wee B.L. Really.
El Torito vs. Hornswoggle in a “WeeLC” match
The announcer screwed up the name of the match (WeeLCC) and Hornswoggle’s name (Hornwoggle).
The crowd is chanting for tables and somehow a step-ladder got involved. Hornswoggle missed a splash off the ladder, but hit a powerbomb for good measure. 3MB and Los Matadores drawl on the outside, while Hornswoggle hits a rolling thunder with a chair onto El Torito. Then they take it out to the miniature announce table. Hornswoggle dive off the ring apron, putting El Torito through the table. Shockingly, this isn’t terrible. This is actually a fun time to open the show.
7:50 – The crowd is chanting “This is awesome” and they’re not wrong. Back in the ring, 3MB helps Hornswoggle, until he accidentally knocks Heath Slater through a bunch of full-sized tabled. El Torito then, with the assistance of Los Matadores, put Jinder Mahal through a bunch of tables and ladders on the outside.
This is the most extreme things will be tonight. Next through a table is Drew McIntyre, taking care of 3MB. Hornswoggle takes a chair shot to the head, which is outlawed in WWE and El Torito jumps off the top rope, knocking him through a tiny table in the ring for the win.
Winner: El Torito
That was weird and fun. “Extreme Rules” is up next.
Jack Swagger vs. Rob Van Dam vs. Cesaro
8:06 – This should be a fun one of these guys are up to it and were given enough time.
Lots of signature move from everyone, including the crowd favorite Cesaro Swing. They’re keeping it mostly one-on-one with someone incapacitated most of the time. There’s not much coming from Zeb or Paul Heyman on the outside.
8:17 – Jack Swagger is the first to go in this elimination match. He’s superplexed by Cesaro before RVD hits the 5-Star Frog Splash.
That’s when Cesaro takes control with a German suplex on RVD and taking him out of the ring. Of course, that’s Van Dam’s domain and he gets the upper hand. He even gets to throw in his windmill kick, which ears an “ECW” chant, something you don’t hear too much anymore.
8:21 – Van Dam goes outside for a garbage can, but gets it kicked back into his face. Though this is “Extreme Rules,” there hasn’t really been any mention of weapons being allowed in this match. It sees anything goes, though.
RVD gets going again and puts the garbage can to use. He goes for the frog splash onto it, but Cesaro movies and Van Dam eats metal. A Neutralizer onto the can later and it’s all over.
Not a bad match by any means. Once Swagger was out and the two remaining got creative, the crowd got into it quite a bit.
8:24 – Backstage, Daniel Bryan is getting checked out by a doctor when Stephanie McMahon arrives. She says she can’t control Kane and she’s afraid. She keeps calling him The Demon Kane, which is a much sillier name. Steph says Bryan can surrender the WWE World Heavyweight Championship instead of fight The Demon Kane, which is just silly. He tells her to hit the bricks.
You’re in luck, it’s time for the Alexander Rusev squash match.
Alexander Rusev vs. R-Truth and Xavier Woods
The “Ravishing Russian” Lana dedicates the match to Vladimir Putin. That is bizarre. They even show a picture of Putin on the tron. Wow. That’s definitely one way to get heat from the crowd.
8:31 – Before the match has even started, Rusev has more or less destroyed both men. It looks like Woods is passed out in the floor, leaving Truth to deal with the opponent by himself. He gets in a bit of offense with his usual moves, even nailing the scissor kick for a two-count.
8:35 – I doesn’t take long for Rusev to turn it around, lock in the Camel Clutch, or whatever Russian name he’s given it, and end things.
Winner: Alexander Rusev
Putin must be smiling wide for getting one over on those pesky Americans. After the match, Rusev goes after Woods again, hitting a fallaway slam.
Backstage, Evolution is gathered as Triple H states the obvious; They all have giant egos. Batista really needs to shave. His “beard” is creepy.
Big E. vs. Bad News Barrett for the Intercontinental Championship
When the bad guy, Barrett, gets far more applause than the good guy, Big E., it’s going to be an interesting match. Tonight’s “Bad News” is that everyone will die from a debilitating sickness. So enjoy your night, fans.
8:46 – Big E. has the early advantage, using his side to throw Barrett around. The crowd was chanting for Barrett though and he turned things around. E. gets control again though, practically spearing Barrett out of the ring. It’s only god for a two-count.
8:49 – Barrett comes back with the Winds of Change and Wasteland, only getting a two-count for each. He’s going to need that Bullhammer Elbow to finish this, but Big E. reverses it and is ready to end the math. He hits the splash and pulls the straps down for the Big Ending, but Barrett comes back with a flying Bullhammer to win the match and the Intercontinental Championship.
Winner: Bad News Barrett
That was a short, but fun match.
Well, it looks like Daniel Bryan and Kane may be the main event after all.
The Shield vs. Evolution
8:58 – That Motorhead song that mispronounces the word “Evolution” plays as Triple H, Randy Orton and Batista make their way to the ring.
It doesn’t look like there’s going to be much in the way of tagging for this match, as the six men immediately go after each other and the referee seems fine with it. There was no bell and Shield clears the ring of the bad guys.
Oh, so now they have to tag and there’s the bell. Since when does the referee allow a pre-match brawl. Hopefully they bring this up at his annual review. Rollins starts things out against Triple H and does well, until he gets clotheslines and Batista is tagged in. In addition to his “beard,” he might be the most-tattooed man in wrestling. At least until whenever CM Punk comes back.
9:06 – He tags in Orton before long, and Triple H is back in shortly thereafter. For guys who haven’t teamed in so long, they’re functioning together really well. You could learn a thing or two, Shield.
9:09 – Rollins finally tags out to Dean Ambrose after being put through the wringer. Ambrose starts punching at anything and everything before locking the figure four on Orton. Evolution breaks it up and the brawl is on. Reigns throws Batista into the barricade, then tries to spear Triple H, instead getting a face full of steel steps.
The “Bootista” chants are back as Evolution puts Ambrose through their bad guy paces, lots of choking and kicking when the ref isn’t looking. They’ve so evil. Orton tags back in for his customary rest hold, so he can catch his breathe. Ambrose fights out of it though, but gets dropkicked anyway.
9:14 – Evolution continues their quick tags to wear Ambrose down and Batista is met with a “You can’t wrestle” chant, which isn’t very nice.
Finally, at long last, Reigns tags in and takes everyone out. Jumping clotheslines left and right, with Orton getting sent out of the ring. Reigns hits the Superman punch on Batista, and it’s Triple Powerbomb time. Down goes Batista, but Triple H and Orton pull Reigns out of the ring before the pin.
Back in the ring, Hunter hits the pedigree and drags Batista on top of him but only gets a two-count. Ambrose attacks Triple H outside of the ring, while Orton hits the RKO on Reigns. Batista goes for the pin again and Seth Rollins saves it before Orton drags him out.
Outside the ring, Ambrose takes out both Orton and Triple H as the fight goes into the crowd.
9:21 – Who knows what’s going on in the ring as all cameras are on Orton and Triple H fighting Ambrose and Rollins outside. Rollins falls down a flight of stairs and Evolution has fun tearing him apart. However, out of nowhere, Rollins flew into frame, taking them all out.
Back in the ring, Batista wakes up and hits the spinebuster on Reigns. He’s ready for the Batista Bomb. Instead he eats another Superman punch, though. Reigns lands a huge sear for the win.
Winners: The Shield
That was a great math. It had everything you could want, the right guys won, and everyone put in a huge effort. So far, that’s the match of the night.
John Cena vs. Bray Wyatt in a steel cage match
9:31 – The awesome “John Cena sucks” chants timed with his music are back and Cena is playing to them. That’s pretty awesome.
If Bray Wyatt tapes a unique intro for every city with an actual burning lantern, why does he walk to the ring with the battery-operated one? Dopes the actual flame just not give off enough light? These are the questions the world needs answered.
The crowd is nice and rowdy now. Cena doesn’t trust Wyatt’s family on the outside, but he and Bray get down to business. Wyatt takes control early on, which doesn’t happen much in Cena matches. The face of WWE quickly turns it around with a suplex though and tries to climb out of the ring. Wyatt’s men are waiting for him though, so that’s a no go.
9:40 – With Wyatt back in control, he used the cage walls as weapons. Then, with Cena wedged between the cage and the ropes, he has his men ram him to cause more damage.
When Cena gets the upper=hand and tries to leave the cage again, he’s stopped by the family once again and knocked down by Wyatt for a two-count. If Cena tried to climb out of the cage a third time, he’s truly unable to learn anything.
9:44 – Cena hits a dropkick out of desperation and is again trying to climb the cage. He’s even more beat up now, what makes him think this is a god idea? Meanwhile, Wyat crabwalks to the door but doesn’t make it out. Cena stops him, but gets beaten up again.
Cena starts turning things around and is unable to give Wyatt the AA, but he does powerbomb him for two. Cena then goes to the cage door. Rowan hods it closed, but Cena forces it open. Luke Harper joins in but Cena still overpowers them because he’s Superman.
Wyatt stops him, though, pulling him back into the ring. However, Cena finally scales the cage and makes it to the climb down on the outside, but Rowan forces him back in. Cena tries again, and is met on top by Harper, who punches him back in. Cena pulls Harper into the ring with him and knocks him down before trying to escape again.
Cena’s almost out again, but the threat of Rowan and a chair forces him back in where Bray hits the craziest-looking suplex you’ll ever see and a splash for two. Cena then reverses Sister Abigail into an STF. Wyatt crawls to the door and becomes the rope in a game of tug of war between Cena and Rowan. Cena wins but gets thrown into the cage wall.
9:54 – Somehow, Cena has the energy for an AA from the top rope. “Cena found a way t win another big one,” says JBL. Story of his career. Harper breaks up the pin, though.
Cena then takes out Rowan and Harper. He’s dispatched the entire Wyatt Family. “Finally, advantage Cena,” screams Michael Cole. Really?
Before Cena can get out of the ring, the lights go out and … There’s a terrifying child with a scary voice singing to him next to the ring. Cena backs up terrified, as he should be, and Wyatt hits Sister Abigail. He could go for the pin, but instead walks out the cage door as the crowd sings “He’s Got the Whole World in His Hands.”
Winner: Bray Wyatt
9:58 – That’s one spooky-looking child. He should be a permanent addition to the Wyatt Family. Wyatt got the win but it literally took three adults and a child to beat Cena, so how good does he actually look in victory?
Paige vs. Tamina Snuka for the Divas Championship
10:04 – Legitimately no reaction at all for Tamina, so this should be good. The crowd still love them some Paige, though.
Paige is using her speed to dodge Tamina and land quick shots, which is smart. She turns an electric chair into a rollup, but then gets kicked out of the ring by Tamina.
Tamina scoop slams Paige many times, trash talking the audience while she does it. That doesn’t sit well with Paige, so she tackles her out of the ring. However, Tamina answers that by swinging her head-first into the barricade … That one looked like it hurt.
10:10 – Back in the ring, Tamina goes for a top rope Samoan Drop, but Paige reverses. The champ gets a two-count and screams that it wasn’t a three. When in doubt, shout it out.
Tamina goes for a superkick, but Paige gets the submission win when she turns it into a scorpion crosslock.
Backstage, the Wyatts return. He thanks his kid friend, “Little Johnny.” For some reason the kid, who gets his own sheep mask, still has the scary voice. He tells everyone to follow the buzzards.
There’s 45 minutes left and only one match. While a 45-*minute match for Daniel Bryan sounds reasonable, the same can’t really be said for Kane.
Daniel Bryan vs. Kane for the WWE World Heavyweight Championship
Bryan is out first to lots of cheers and “Yes” chants. WWE is back in Chicago next month for “Payback,” let the CM Punk return rumors begin. Bryan rushes Kane as he walks to the ring and their match is on with a good 39 minutes to fill.
Bryan brings the pain early in the match, but it doesn’t take Kane long to exploit his injuries, ramming him into the barricade. The barricade has seen a lot of action tonight. Kane then starts throwing a bunch of chairs in the ring, but Bryan gets his hands on a kendo stick. Kane uses a chair to take him down, though.
Bryan lets his kicks do the talking though and takes control. He starts taking the announce table apart, but Kane finished the job for him.
10:29 – Kane tries to chokeslam him through the table, but Bryan throws him off and hits a tornado DDT onto the floor. It doesn’t take long for the Demon to recover though. He tries to smash Bryan onto the steps, but gets set into the steel post instead. Then Bryan gets his kendo stick back and goes to work.
They fight up the aisle and backstage to gorilla position, where Kane throws a TV at Bryan. It lands on a tub of water, though. Who knows why there’s a tub of water there.Kane throws Bryan around backstage into the parking lot. Luckily for Bryan, he finds a snow shovel to turn things around. They then fight on top of a car. This is every Crash Holly match from the late-90s.
10:32 – Bryan gets lammed on the hood and Kane punches through a window. For some reason, the trunk of the car is unlocked, so Bryan gets a tire iron and hits Kane with it. He then tries to drag him back to the ring, which is impossible.
Oh hey, look. A forklift. Did Bryan watch the empty arena match between The Rock and Mankind recently? He uses the forklift to cart Kane back to the ring and lift him inside of it. This is almost comical. It’s not even almost comical. It’s a good thing Bryan took forklift classes, otherwise he would never know how to operate this thing.
He then climbs the forks on the forklift and dives off of them onto Kane for a huge headbutt. It only gets a two-count. Next, Bryan looks for the flying knee, but Kane reverses into a chokeslam for two.
10:40 – Bryan reverses a Tombstone onto a chair into another DDT for two. He’s had enough, so he just starts beating Kane with the chair. That’ll teach him. Bryan then latches on the Yes Lock, must to Kane’s dismay. The monster crawls out of the ring to break the hold, but Bryan leads out after him. Unfortunately for Daniel, Kane catches him and chokeslams him through the table.
Kane goes back under the ring for a table. He also finds gasoline and a lighter. Are the Dudley Boys here?
Kane sets the table on fire, but Bryan knocks him through it. Men with fire extinguishers quickly jump into action to put the fire out. Kane crawls into the ring and Bryan hits the flying knee to win the match.
Winner: Daniel Bryan
Naturally, Kane is upset and fire explodes from the stage to end the show. That must mean this match is going to happen again next month.
That’s “Extreme Rules” and the show didn’t disappoint. All three main events were entertaining matches to watch, and the rest of the card wasn’t too shabby either. This is definitely a worthy “Wrestlemania” followup.