Despite a series of horrific recent events that may suggest otherwise (we’re looking at you, face-eater), the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention wants to set the record straight: Zombies aren’t real.
“CDC does not know of a virus or condition that would reanimate the dead (or one that would present zombie-like symptoms),” writes agency spokesman David Daigle in an email to The Huffington Post.
All the zombie paranoia seemed to start on Saturday (May 26) when Rudy Eugene was shot and killed by a Miami police officer after eating almost the entirety of a homeless man’s face off. Then on Tuesday, Maryland college student Alexander Kinyua allegedly confessed to killing his roommate and eating his heart and brain.
And the cannibalistic acts weren’t only limited to the states. Canadian porn actor Luka Rocco Magnotta is wanted for allegedly killing and eating the flesh of his victim.
Gawker also points to further proof of the coming zombie apocalypse: a “mysterious rash” among students at a Florida high school and a New Jersey man who supposedly cut out his own intestines and threw them at police officers.
Rather than ask if you really believe in zombies — because that’s just silly, right? — we’ll ask: What’s your plan for the zombie apocalypse?