Just a few months after the “Pokemon” franchise celebrated its 20th anniversary with a dazzling, big-budget Super Bowl spot, Hollywood seems to have taken notice. As you read this, Warner Bros., Sony and other companies are reportedly in a bidding war over the rights to make the first live-action film starring Ash Ketchum and pals.
But at the risk of sucking up all the enthusiasm as if we’re throwing a Poke-ball into the middle of the news, there are some Pokemon who just can’t successfully be captured by computer graphics. In the now-famous commercial, we see non-speaking versions of Pikachu, Charizard, and a few others and they look impressive. Below, a list of the “Pokemon” characters that will make it difficult for any live-action movie to truly gotta, gotta, gotta catch ’em all.
Arguably the most popular Pokemon behind Pikachu, this humanoid creature looks like a lanky, hairless cat with horns and purple eyes. The result of a gene-splicing experiment gone wrong, Mewtwo is supposed to be something like a T-1000 Terminator mixed with a household tomcat. But its savage heart is balanced by a sweetness — all, very difficult things to capture with computer-generated images rather than hand-drawn. If they aren’t careful, Mewtwo is going to look like a 6-foot-tall Mr. Bigglesworth.
Sure, it’s probably easy to make a CGI seahorse. But a giant seahorse, with a bad attitude — wearing a bandana underwater? Good luck making that look anywhere near realistic. And don’t just say “Lose the bandana,” because that would be taking the easy way out, wouldn’t it?
The biggest Pokemon of them all, Wailord is basically an enormous whale who is more than 47 feet long. Keep in mind, he also needs to be able to believably fit inside a Poke-ball. Good luck with that.
Inarguable proof that whoever invents Pokemons does so after taking drugs in very large quantities, Exeggutor is a nearly 7-foot-tall, walking palm tree thing. It would be strange that it has three heads (which all look stoned) — but then again, it evolved from a monster with five-and-a-half heads, so this looks conservative by comparison. This palm tree grows eggs instead of coconuts, and every time a head gets too big it falls off and becomes its own creature. Oh, and did we mention the loud, annoying shrieks?
In essence, we’re not saying they can’t make Exeggutor in a realistic fashion — just that if they do, it will traumatize an entire generation of children.
It’s a chandelier! And it sucks the living spirit out of others, then burns it as fuel!
Hypnotizing prey by waving its “arms” all over the place, this is truly one weird Pokemon. But if they make it look real … well … then you’ll basically have a floating chandelier chasing after people. That doesn’t sound like the kind of thing you’d pay $10 to see in a movie theater, unless you’re Liberace.