We all have one: That friend who insists on striking the same pose for every picture. Looking back through the years, it’s always the same gag, no matter how many times you try to explain to them that “Blue Steel” is so 2001, or that “Duck Lips” have gone the way of the dodo.
In Hollywood, that friend is Sylvester Stallone. Of course everyone loves the guy, but throughout five decades of movies, he has promoted everything from “Rocky” to “Rambo” … to random reality shows by grabbing any celebrity in his vicinity and throwing punches at him.
Someday, perhaps, a future civilization will discover this treasure trove of photos and wonder: Who was this muscular older gentleman who couldn’t walk down a red carpet, attend a photo call or get through a promotional dinner at Buca di Beppo without beating the tar out of everyone else? Why did this violent man continue getting invited to these fancy events?
Now that “Creed” has brought Stallone back yet again for a new onslaught of publicity photos, won’t someone stop his violent spree and fight back against the 69-year-old promotional pugilist? With that in mind — and really, for no other reason — here are 48 photos of Sylvester Stallone beating up famous people. Believe us, we could have run even more.
Punching Bruno and Arnie
Representing an ’80s action star/Planet Hollywood-triad, Sly, the Governator and Bruce Willis go way back. Which means that since the ’80’s, Stallone has been appearing on red carpets punching John McClane and the Terminator in the face.
Punching Dr. Dolittle
Stallone also goes way back with Eddie Murphy, as seen in the photo below. Who says that “The Nutty Professor” was Eddie’s last hit?
If you don’t know who Carlos Slim is, here’s a brief explanation: In 2014, Forbes estimated his wealth at $79.6 billion, making him the wealthiest billionaire in the world.
If most of us normal people met Slim, we’d probably pull out his chair, use the word “sir” a lot and hope that a million dollar bill would get left behind after he finished blowing his nose with it. But Sylvester Stallone? Well, you know what he’d do.
Punching the Raging Bull
Stallone put out a little-seen, even littler-thought-of movie a few years back called “Grudge Match,” which had him playing an aging fighter alongside the legendary Robert De Niro. When it came time to promote the film, Stallone was in his glory, clearly excited to use his signature red carpet pose in a way that actually kinda applies to the film. But c’mon, anyone who has seen “Taxi Driver” knows that De Niro probably has a spring-loaded gun up his sleeve and could take Stallone down before he ever landed the punch.
Punching the Messiah
In 2013, Stallone and Jim Caviezel got together to celebrate the release of their film “Escape Plan” with a lavish party at New York’s Buca di Beppo. If you’ve ever eaten there, you know that Buca has huge portions of pasta, enormous meatballs … and judging by this photo, lots of cheese. Also, call us crazy, but maybe it isn’t the best idea to punch Jesus in the face?
Punching That Escalated Too Fast
When “Twilight” star Kellan Lutz appeared in Stallone’s “Expendables 3,” it was the actor’s first foray into the realm of Stallone, Schwarzenegger and Lundgren. Clearly, he was unaware of Stallone’s long-running red carpet gag — because when Sly went to do his punch thing to publisher Jason Binn of DuJour magazine, Lutz turned it into a full-on brawl.
Punching a Producer
Jerry Bruckheimer is arguably the greatest producer of the last thirty years. The guy brought us the “Pirates of the Caribbean” films, “CSI,” and too many other things to name. So, what does Sylvester Stallone do? Punch the guy in the face.
Punching a Mogul
Mike Medavoy founded Orion Pictures, was chairman of TriStar and was head of production for United Artists. At the red carpet for his trapped-miners drama “The 33,” old pal Stallone swung by to punch him in the face. “Hey Mike, good job on that incredibly-touching true-life tearjerker — and now, I’m gonna slug you in the jaw!”
Some men would say that they would never dare hit a woman. But judging by his red carpet behavior, Sly is an equal opportunity slugger. Even his wife, Jennifer Flavin, took more than a few punches as she accompanied Sly on his awards-season rounds for “Creed.” But don’t worry, Jen, Kathy Griffin has your back.
Seriously, kids? Like, little kids? Yup.
Punching Old Friends
Carl Weathers and Sylvester Stallone used to make magic together; now, they make cheesy red carpet opportunities. Weathers shows up at many of the carpets for Stallone’s films, and Rocky and Apollo Creed are always good for a few punch pictures. We can only hope that after these photos, Weathers went into the party and stuffed his pockets full of finger foods — because, once you do that, you got a stew going.
Part of the fun of looking at these photos is seeing repeat offenders (like longtime Stallone pal Sugar Ray Leonard) laughing delightfully as if Sly just came up with this idea out of the blue. “Wait…you’re gonna punch Magic? That’s hilarious!”
Punching Young Actors
“Hey kid, welcome to Hollywood! Now I’m gonna punch ya in the face, just like Burgess Meredith used to do to me!”
Punching old actors
“Hey buddy! Remember the ’80’s? Now I’m gonna punch ya in the face!”
Punching Dolph Lundgren
Although they keep making movies together, the photos tell the truth: Dolph Lundgren and Sylvester Stallone have a Bloods/Crypts, Hatfields/McCoys, Twizzlers/Red Vines-type rivalry that goes back decades. The duo have been slugging it out on red carpets for years, failing in their attempts to finally just kill the other one. Fortunately, it appears as though Lundgren has learned some evasive maneuvers.
Punching his brother
Through thick and thin, even when Sly was recently robbed of the Oscar everybody thought he was going to win, his brother Frank Stallone has stuck by him. And what does he get in return? Punched constantly — which is cute when you’re little kids, but when you’re approaching your seventies, siblings really need to stop hitting each other.
It’s no secret that Sylvester’s acting career has earned a few more bucks than that of Frank. But if his little brother ever wants to get the last laugh, all he needs to do is sue Sly for repeated battery and mental anguish. As a courtesy, here are plaintiff’s exhibits A, B and C — and believe us, there are plenty more out there.
Kicking Things Up a Notch
Sometimes, a punch to the face just isn’t enough, and Sly needs to up his game. Unclenching his fists, he takes the battle to the next level. That’s assault, brother!
Punching inanimate objects
No famous people around? No problem! Sly has also been known to punch books, major awards, even imaginary friends — you know what? We’re gonna go out on a limb and assume he’s pretending to hit either Dolph Lundgren or his little brother.
Still not sold? Here are more pics of Sly getting punchy, just because.