Click here for part one of night one.

Previouslys. Not liveblogging them. It was only an hour ago, for frak’s sake. Hmmm, check Twitter feed, ponder putting the kettle on, check DVR…

(As always, these liveblogs are not meant to be overtly spoilery,
but if you’re either extremely clever or a really good guesser, you
might want to leave right now. You’ve been warned.)

Oh, OK, The following takes place between 9 a.m. and 10 a.m. (on the day of the California presidential primary. Events occur in real time. Do I do this every episode? You betcha.)

Bad (Global) Air tries to place a call. An airport guy gets it. That’s not good. Somebody else called first. Airport Boss knows it’s the McGuffin.

Soul Patch changes course. Mother hugs child. FBI Boss knows it’s the McGuffin. FBI Babyface Boy has no answers.

FBI Chick’s on the walkie, then drops the bad news on FBI Boss. He’s … hmmm, interesting reaction. Jack Bauer connects the dots … right back to the home office.

Jack Bauer decides to believe. FBI Chick need a workaround,  but she doesn’t want it from Jack Bauer. In the car, Jack Bauer.

He’s in there. Oh, so you think you’re so smart, eh, FBI Chick? I know Jack Bauer, and you’re no Jack Bauer.

FBI Garafalo freaks out; FBI Babyface Boy finally says something useful. Airport Guy can’t place the call. An F-16’s been scrambled. Airport Boss connects some dots of his own.

Uh-oh, that shade of green is never good. Soul Patch has a plan, and nobody’s making their connection today. Airport Boss gets a call. Wow, that really doesn’t look good. OMG! Scramble emergency!

No, Soul Patch, no! Don’t do it! Aaaaaaaaahhhhhhh, no, no, pull up! Pull up! Aaarrrrrggghhhh! Yowzah!

Airport Boss may need a new pair of Dockers. Soul Patch makes his point.

Split-screen clock!

Sneaky Shooter checks the perimeter.

Hawk Nose Guy calls Nick from "The X-Files," who tells Soul Patch, who wants to get the McGuffin ready. Sorry, Toast Dad!

Soul Patch shows the McGuffin to Hawk Nose Guy, who’s pleased. He’s not so pleased about Jack Bauer, and tells Soul Patch he doesn’t need to know.

Chief Adviser briefs PressSec, who’s rocking a French Twist. Things are even worse in FAN, and President Not Hillary makes a persuasive case and meets with FAN’s Rightful Leader. President Not Hillary has no reservations; Rightful Leader isn’t too sure about the niceties. President Not Hillary lays down the law, literally. Rightful Leader shakes on it.

Chief Adviser reports flight delays to President Not Hillary, says it’s Soul Patch. You’ll find out soon enough.

President Not Hillary wants Soul Patch unplugged.

Nick gets a call, Sneaky Shooter needs an out. There are FBI four-by-four, but Soul Patch tells Sneaky Shooter how to be five-by-five.

FBI Driver gives the love to Jack Bauer, who thinks it’s better if it all comes out. FBI Driver still gives him the love, and he’s not alone.

Sneaky Shooter pulls a gun, but hey, it’s just an old friend. Jack Bauer connected the dots correctly.

FBI Chick buys it. Jack Bauer gets some air, connects more dots. The Sharpie strikes again.

Jack Bauer knows the right move. FBI Chick goes along and gets a car.

Split-screen clock!

Bad green screens, fake news makes Hawk Nose Guy’s guys very happy. Toast Dad got cleaned up and is moved out.

Bad African Guy plans to charge a very steep price.

President Not Hillary gets the bad infrastructure news from Other Adviser and learns a good McGuffin is hard to find, and a bad McGuffin can make it very dark and very dry.

Other Adviser has no good news. Chief Adviser gets a call from CSSA, who gives him the 411 on Mr. First Not Bill and Lingerie Girl. Chief Adviser has a cow.

President Not Hillary calls out the Guard. FBI Boss doesn’t care about his gut feeling, but FBI Garafalo has a question. Oops, whither FBI Chick? Whither Jack Bauer?

Sneaky Shooter on the move; hitting heavy traffic. Yeah, right, heavy traffic on "24," like that ever happens. FBI Boss has a cow. FBI Chick lies like a rug. It’s a trust thing.

Dammit. FBI Chick feels dirty. Jack Bauer is OK with that.

FBI Garafalo gets shirty with FBI Boss, who’s having trust issues, and I don’t know what other kind of issues.

FBI Chick checks Jack Bauer’s parameters. FBI Chick, you are not fit to measure Jack Bauer’s parameters. She wants justification. Jack Bauer is done, so man up and pipe down, FBI Chick. Is that going to be a problem?

Split-screen clock!

Mr. First Not Bill doesn’t believe the rumors. Lingerie Chick gets a call. Uh-oh. So far, this season is all about women with long hair (sometimes red, sometimes dark) in button-down shirts and sometimes tailored jackets. Just a fashion note, there.

Mr. First Not Bill knows about the moolah. Lingerie Chick lays it out. It’s a family thing. Mr. First Not Bill isn’t on board with that in a big way.

Sneaky Shooter rings Soul Patch, who wants the 411. I’m so shocked –Sneaky Shooter drives to the docks. As the Almighty is my witness, it’s always the docks in season premieres! What’s with the docks?

FBI Chick hooks up Jack Bauer with her throwaway. Way to go, FBI Chick! Jack Bauer gets the drop on him.

FBI Chick says forget Soul Patch. She wants the McGuffin. Jack Bauer improvs. Soul Patch has an inkling.

Cover me! Jack Bauer and FBI Chick find their rhythm. Uh-oh, big delete! That doesn’t look good.

Check the bathroom, Jack Bauer! Check the Pilot House, Jack Bauer! Bingo!

Soul Patch, stop! Sorry, Jack Bauer. Jack Bauer takes the leap. Soul Patch takes a punch. Where is it?

Uh-oh, FBI Boss is on the case and in the air. We’ll have to catch up later.

Jack Bauer, very sad.

End clock!

Posted by:Kate O'Hare