Lemon hopes to run on the treadmill to fit into her bridesmaid dress for Cerie‘s wedding. Instead, she must run around like a chicken with her head cut off when Tracy announces Grizz‘s engagement, and it becomes clear that the role of best man is in contention. Tracy childishly insists Grizz choose him, even though Grizz wants Dot Com for it.
Tracy finally spills to Lemon that he’s taking a bullet for Dot Com, who is in love with Grizz’s fiancee (And wouldn’t you guess her name’s Feyonce?) Lemon thinks it’s all sorted until Grizz makes her read Tracy and Dot Com a letter expressing his unwavering desire to have Dot Com take on the duties. Seeing Dot Com’s anguish, Lemon ultimately gives Grizz a much-needed, Jenna-inspired pep talk about the wonder and weirdness of love (see below). Dot Com is off the hook, but somehow Lemon manages to rope herself into being the “woman of honor” on the same day as she is part of Cerie’s wedding party.
Jack has his own bird to deal with — a peacock named Argus that Don Geiss bequeathed to him in his will. Argus, you see, was there during all of Geiss and Jack’s bonding moments on Geiss’ veranda. He is the last piece of his mentor that Jack has left. Therefore Jack is damned if the bird will fall ill.
He commissions Kenneth to drop all his other duties and tend to the bird. Kenneth swears he hears Argus cluck out the words senpai and khai, i.e. Geiss and Jack’s Japanese nicknames that translate to “master” and “pupil.” Jack deduces that Geiss has implanted his spirit in the bird. They two old friends share a couple glasses of scotch, remember the good times, and Jack finally says a proper goodbye to his role model.
Jenna, meanwhile, finds herself one odd bird of a boyfriend named Paul (Will Forte). Hoping to avoid the dramatics of the past, Lemon and Pete decide to follow Paul to a dive bar and meet his alter ego, ‘Gina (sounds like “try-nuh”) Baloney. And in case you’ve never met Jenna, clearly she knows about Paul’s nighttime escapades. In fact, she met him at a Jenna Maroney impersonator contest (“…in which I placed fourth,” she brags). Yes, my friends, Jenna has succeeded in the heretofore impossible. Bitch is dating herself …