shenaegrimes 90210 290 '90210' Premiere: Annie, outcast AND murdererTonight on “90210,” the focus shifts back to the kids: missing an adopted kid, sleeping with a man who has kids, and possibly creating a kid in a cabana.

The premiere episode starts on the last day of summer school, which is where everyone landed after Annie blew the whistle on the alcohol-fueled prom party. It takes us through an end-of-summer bash at the Malibu Sands Beverly Hills Beach Club and then school starts. I always thought summer school ended a good few weeks before the fall semester started, but that is really neither nor there.

Naomi & Liam (& Teddy & married guy)
Let’s start with I Moan, shall we? And that’s the last time I will call her that. Naomi has spent the summer schtupping a married man with kids, which she didn’t know until just now. Oops. Once she finds out, she sets her sights on new boy Teddy. Except he used to date Adrianna, so no luck there. Eventually she cries to her girlfriends (Ade, Naomi and Silver are the new 3 Musketeers, apparently) that it’s all because she can’t stop thinking about Liam, who conveniently shows up at school just as she says this.

He tries to talk to her, but she runs off crying. I wonder how that conversation would’ve gone? “So… sorry I’ve been away all summer at military school. I slept with your sister, not your friend Annie. How was your summer?”

Silver & Dixon
Everyone’s favorite 90210 couple has been on the outs all summer, but patches things up at the end-of-the-summer beach party, only to be foiled when new boy Teddy “accidentally” tells Dixon about Silver getting text messages from “Ethan” (and by “Ethan” I mean “some guy in the production department because Ethan is gone”). Dixon tells Silver he’s through with her. Anybody else get the sense that Teddy did that on purpose to get Silver’s silver tongue down his bleached-blonde throat? Just me?

Adrianna & Navid
New good-girl Ade wants to take things slowly and not fall back into her old boozing and drugging and whoring ways. She also gets a little sad when she sees a baby girl at the beach club. Navid TOTALLY understands… that he’ll never get to be a man. He is frustrated, particularly since her first love just came to town in the form of a tennis-playing summer-camp-choreography-knowing-Robert-Redford-type named Teddy. Poor Navid. He even tried to arrange a romantic cabana for their first time together, but ended up tossing the cabana keys to a random drunk dude named Mark when it became clear Navid wasn’t gettin’ any.

Annie & random drunk dude named Mark
Annie gets stranded at the beach party thanks to her jerky brother Dixon. Just as an aside, Dixon can get off his effing high horse and stop demanding that Annie apologize for calling the cops. First of all, I have no sympathy for the underage drinkers. Not saying I didn’t do it, but I knew that if I got caught, I’d get in trouble. Don’t go blaming your sister because you were doing something you shouldn’t’ve been doing.

Secondly, that entire party freaked out on Annie’s ass and practically DARED her to call the cops. After that kind of humiliation? I would’ve called the cops too. Naomi and her band of overprivileged friends can bite me.

Seriously, I don’t love Annie as a character, but I totally side with her on this one over Dixon. She doesn’t owe him squat and he can stop being so self-righteous.

So… Annie gets stranded at the beach party and random senior Mark offers her a drink. Do I smell a drinking problem storyline? Annie partakes because not only is she a social leper but she is also a vehicular manslaughterer, as her hit-and-run victim died in the hospital earlier that day (he had been in a coma).

Anyway, they get drunk and when Navid flips Mark his cabana keys, Mark takes her inside. After a little cajoling, Annie (probably) sleeps with him. We don’t know for sure, but that is what is implied later when Mark shows pictures on his phone of naked Annie to his buddies and Naomi overhears, snatches his phone away and sends the picture to herself.

That Naomi, she’s a keeper.

The Adults
Apparently Grandma Wilson has “a show in Vegas,” whatever that means, which is sad because no more Lucile Bluth. Kelly and Mr. Mathews are MIA and the Wilsons are only there briefly to show us that the Wilson family has moved into a more modest house.

At the very end of the episode, we find out that it was Teddy’s convertible that was behind Annie after prom when she hit John Doe. Was Teddy driving? We don’t know yet.

Thoughts and other Tidbits

  • At the beginning when the three girls went to the club, I applaud Ade for having a healthy-looking body and that’s all I’m going to say about that.
  • Though I will give AnnaLynne McCord some credit: when she was playing tennis, did you see those guns? Holy cow.
  • The episode ends with Naomi, Silver and Ade strutting down the hall in slow-mo, like Heathers or Plastics or Oh-Niners. What should we call them? One-Oh-ers? Eat-a-Sandwich-ers? 16-You’re-23-if-You’re-a-Day-ers?
  • Finally, I like that Annie’s accident has been turned into a mystery. I can only take so much soapy drama for so long before I need something to keep my tuning in. It’s why I enjoyed the pilot of “Melrose Place” more than the pilot of “90210” from last year. There’s a hook to keep me coming back.

What did you guys think?

Posted by:Andrea Reiher

TV critic by way of law school, Andrea Reiher enjoys everything from highbrow drama to clever comedy to the best reality TV has to offer. Her TV heroes include CJ Cregg, Spencer Hastings, Diane Lockhart, Juliet O'Hara and Buffy Summers. TV words to live by: "I'm a slayer, ask me how."