When we last left our favorite 90210ers, Adriana got Carlotta’d right out of the musical by a Phantom called "smack," I Moan and her mom chose to be independent awesome women, and Annie chose not to surrender her V card to Ty because Wicked Awesome Adriana made it seem like he had just slept with her. Is it because Annie is eventually going to give it to Ethan, hopefully while wearing a black dress with gigantic white bows at the spring dance? I certainly hope so.

Adriana gets hauled into the principal’s office, insisting she was just on cough syrup at the musical. Kelly, Brenda, Ryan and Principal Wilson gang up on her, saying if they find out she’s using unprescribed or illegal drugs she will be expelled.  In the hallway, Annie accepts her scads of adoring fans who tell her good job and applaud. Uh, yeah right. Ty approaches her and she asks him not to speak to her again. As she storms off she bumps into Adriana and her mom, who snot at her. Principal Wilson asks Annie to be the bigger person and be nice.

Outisde, Ethan and I Moan discuss her parents’ divorce. I Moan says she just has to Parent Trap her folks into the same place so they’ll get back together. Yes, that is sure to work.  Downtown, we see Mama Wilson has a job! Her Aussie photographer boss Antonio needs someone to help shoot a fashion show. She jumps on the chance and convinces him to let her help. Back at school, Dixon and Silver make-out in front of Navid. He is put out about being the 3rd wheel. Isn’t the expression the ‘5th wheel?’ Ryan, Kelly and Brenda talk about Adriana and how her next stint is probably rehab. They think Brenda did the right thing pulling her from the play. Brenda suddenly gets a cell phone call from Dylan! WOW! He wants to talk to Kelly, and Brenda confirms for Ryan that Dylan is Sammy’s father.

Annie tells Mr. Mathews that for her English assignment she’s going to profile her mom, who is photographing the Pacific Coast Fashion Show. I guess this is a different day? How did she know about the fashion show? He coerces her into letting Adriana come so that she can get a good grade and not fail. A fashion show! Where is Jackie Taylor?!?

After class, Ryan confronts Kelly in her office and it appears to be the same day. What on earth? Did Mama Wilson text Annie as soon as she got the gig helping on the fashion show? I GOT KEWL JOB PHOTOG FSHN SHOW! C U @ HOME!

Anyway, Kelly cools things off with Ryan because of the Dylan thing. Ryan says he can wait because he "has nothing but time and the distinct feeling that women like [her] don’t come around very often." WOW. SMOOTH. I just melted. She tells him not to wait on her. As he leaves, Ryan wonders why Dylan called Brenda if he wanted to talk to Kelly. Hmmm…

Silver and Dixon dish about the modeling industry foisting unrealistic expectations on women. Says the girl who weighs 90 lbs while carrying a 20 lb bag of dogfood. Gag me. Navid bops up and asks to come to the fashion show (how does EVERYBODY know about this by LUNCH?) and says he’s going to bring Annie so he’s not the 3rd wheel. Dixon just laughs. At the Clarks, I Moan is home with her mom, telling her that she’s having dinner with dad and Dirty Mistress that night. I Moan invites Tracy to the fashion show and mom says she’ll go. I Moan then gets the Parent Trap look on her face. Oh wacky divorced-parent hijinks!

Fashion camera tests. Mama Wilson goes all Peter Venkman with her camera (Alright, yeah! Destroy me! Destroy me! Yeah! Destroy me!) A Sleazy Producer spies Silver and asks what agency she’s with, but she turns him down. She’s pretty enough and thin enough, but not really tall enough. Don’t buy it. That night, I Moan has dinner with her Dad and the Dirty Mistress and gets chatty about what a workaholic he is and makes a "dirty little secrets" crack. I Moan then spills the beans about Dad sleeping with Tracy the other night and smugly tells Gail "bye" as Gail leaves. I Moan then downs Gail’s wine. Haha, that was kind of awesome. I wonder when she’ll convince Gail that the way to keep away bears is to smack two sticks together?

At the studio, Antonio tells Mama Wilson that the proofs were fantastic. Papa Wilson shows up and is proud of Annie helping out Adriana. He then spills the beans about Adriana’s substance abuse problem, which Annie already figured out. Way to respect that confidentiality thing, Papa Wilson. In her bedroom, I Moan moans with Ethan, then asks him if he still loves her. She wants to hear him say it, but they are interrupted by Tracy. She’s smokin’ hot in a green dress and knee-high boots and leave for the fashion show. I Moan spills to Ethan about getting her father to the fashion show and Ethan totally STEALS my JOKE by telling I Moan that this isn’t The Parent Trap. Grrr.

Fashion Show: everybody looks hot and Mama Wilson is all professional photographer lady. Then an agent’s girlfriend recognizes Annie from Spring Awakening and asks her to come read for a Beverly Hills cheerleader slasher flick. Annie introduces Adriana, then gets the woman to invite both of them to audition. Saint Annie to the rescue!

Kelly’s house. Brenda is off to the fashion show with Ryan to keep an eye on Adriana. Kelly snarks, "Old habits die hard with you." She wonders why Dylan called Brenda today and not herself. She wants to know if there is something going on with Brenda and Dylan. Brenda says they’ve been emailing from Africa and Brenda told him that if he was ready to seriously reconnect he needed to contact Kelly himself. Kelly snots at her again about taking Dylan for herself. As Brenda tries to leave, Kelly apologizes and Brenda says she and Dylan are ancient history. They hug. I wonder if they’ll be hugging after Brenda hooks up with Ryan… In the car, Brenda permanently deletes Dylan from her phone and looks sad. Awww.

Fashion Show After Party: Dixon tries to convince Silver to try modeling. Navid immediately gets hit on by some models, who like that he’s Persian. Um, okay. Ryan and Brenda hang out and she says that as great as Kelly is, Ryan just dodged an epic bullet. He calls her "sassy." Woo woo. Also: throw your friend under the bus much?

Adriana laments with Annie that her mom isn’t awesome like Annie’s mom. Man, Silver and Adriana could start an I Love Mama Wilson club. Adriana thanks her for the in with the producer and then confesses about the Ty Hotel Room shenanigans and apologizes. Annie storms off and Adriana goes to take a hit of smack (I’m assuming). Annie tells Ryan and Brenda that Adriana might be on drugs and Adriana overhears and shoves Annie, then storms off.

I Moan gets her parents together and they are both mad at being set up. Papa Clark screams at his daughter and she starts to cry. Ethan looks uncomfortable and I Moan runs off.  Ryan and Brenda walk by and Brenda says she might go visit Brandon and "his family." Huh. Ryan offers her a ride home, saying he’s heading in her direction. She wonders how he knows which direction she’s heading and he says, "I don’t." WOW. They leave together.

The producer approaches Silver again, lavishing her with compliments and trying to convince her to model. He wants her to come back to his house and jacuzzi with him, saying that age is more of a state of mind. When sleazy producer touches Silver, Dixon pulls him off her. Mama Wilson rushes up and defends her son, as Sleazy Producer makes a racist remark. Dixon then punches him. YEAH! Which causes the producer to fire Antonio and Mama Wilson.

Silver cries to Dixon about almost starting to believe the Sleazy Producer. Dixon reassures her that she’s not an idiot and she is the most beautiful girl there tonight. Awww. Navid is entertaining a crowd of models with their pig prank story but they don’t get it. Snerk. Ty shows up, saying that Adriana texted him and came clean. She apologizes and he’s kind of a jerk to her. Don’t fall for it, Annie! She tells him she’s not ready and he says they can be friends, which she says is what she needs. Hmm. I’m suspicious.

Antonio is not mad at Mama Wilson and tells her how talented she is. Yay for not being fired! In the parking lot, I Moan whines to Ethan and he says that some people just aren’t meant to be together while he gazes longingly at Annie. She equates sex with emotion and feeling and he shoots that notion down. They break up "for good this time." We’ll see. Maybe a parking lot BJ for the road?

Silver comes home to Kelly and Kelly says she and Sammy are going to visit Dylan. Look at the two actresses, it really is striking how they kind of look alike. It’s blonde/dark eyes versus dark/blue eyes, but there are similarities. Kelly tells Silver she’s going to live with her dad, but Silver balks and says she’ll stay there and take care of the house. Kelly agrees and they hug and say "I love you." Awww, more Silver and Kelly scenes!

On a random street corner, Adriana gets picked up by a skanky dude drug dealer. Here comes our sexual favors in exchange for drugs storyline. Yikes.

Posted by:Andrea Reiher

TV critic by way of law school, Andrea Reiher enjoys everything from highbrow drama to clever comedy to the best reality TV has to offer. Her TV heroes include CJ Cregg, Spencer Hastings, Diane Lockhart, Juliet O'Hara and Buffy Summers. TV words to live by: "I'm a slayer, ask me how."