Tonight on “90210,” Annie + Jasper, Silver moves in with Jackie, Ade blows it with Navid and Harry calls Debbie “Kelly.” OOPS.
Kelly, Silver & Jackie
Silver has to tell Kelly about Jackie’s cancer. Kelly balks at first, not wanting to get sucked back into Jackie’s life and drama. Silver goes to see Jackie and finds out she’s got about three months left. Jackie asks Silver to move in with her for the time being.
Kelly goes to see Jackie and tells her about Silver being bipolar and how good they’re doing and that Jackie should leave Silver alone. Silver is mad about Kelly’s meddling and they fight and Silver eventually goes over to Jackie’s house to move in.
Annie & Jasper
Romance is a-brewing and Annie’s sex-photo-taking booty call Mark is actually a bit jealous. Also, what’s with the Columbine joke? It’s like they thought if they dug back 10 1/2 years it wouldn’t be distasteful. What, they didn’t feel they could use “Virginia Tech?” Ugh.
Anyway, Mark asks Annie to hang out with him and SHOCKINGLY she turns down the creepy dude who took a picture of her boobs. He then tells her that Jasper is a psycho who pulled a knife on someone and she should stay away, so Annie gives Jasper the cold shoulder. Et tu, Outcast Annie?
She then thanks Mark for warning her about Jasper, he apologizes to her again and she agrees to hang out with him. Oh gross. He took a topless photo of you, ANNIE! So naturally she goes to the beach with him, he tries to take things too far and Jasper saves her. Oh this is so vintage 90210, I love it! But Annie is an idiot, just for the record. Not only for messing around with skeazy Mark but also for getting involved with the NEPHEW OF THE MAN SHE RAN OVER.
Jasper takes Annie home and tells her the knife story isn’t true. She tells him she’s no longer scared off and appears to move in for a kiss. Later, we see Jasper use a knife to mark up and blow a tire out of Mark’s car.
Jen & Naomi
While riding horses, Jen asks for $100,000 for a lawyer to get money from her French husband. Naomi is all,”No way, you signed a prenup and someone needs to be responsible with money,” so Jen is total bitch to her because that’s how she rolls. Break a leg, Jen’s horse.
Jen makes up with Naomi, telling her she’s moving out temporarily. It’s
another ploy by masterful Jen to make Naomi feel sorry for her. Sigh.
Offfff course Naomi writes her a big fat check and offff course Jen
uses the money to buy a big expensive racehorse. When she reveals “Continental Accent” to Naomi, Naomi looks less than thrilled but Jen says it was a gift.
Ryan & Harry
Jen also manages to be a bitch to Ryan about dating other people and what not, though he’s clearly fallen for her. Gross, Ryan. Speaking of gross, Principal Harry wants to go out for “frosties” with Ryan. Oh dear. They go to a bar and a cute girl chats up Ryan, telling him if his “friend” leaves he can join her and her girlfriends.
Um, maybe it’s just me (and no offense to Eggold) but I’d take Rob Estes over Ryan Eggold every day of the week and twice on Sundays. It goes all the way back to “Silk Stalkings,” baby. They get drunk and Harry won’t stop blathering on about his family problems, it’s hilarious. Then the bartender slips Ryan her number. Who died and made him Brad Pitt? When he gets home all drunk, Harry has trouble making his hangover cure in the kitchen so Debbie helps him and when she hands it to him, he says, “Thank you, Kelly.” OOPS.
Navid & Adrianna
Ade breaks up with Navid before the opening credits roll. Ouch. Navid cries (almost literally) to Dixon and Liam when they hang out at the Boys-Only-No-Girls-Allowed Clubhouse and Ade moves right on to making out with Teddy. Of course, Teddy doesn’t want a relationship with Ade and she runs off, realizing she made a huge mistake. Of course, Navid has turned to his new BFF Teddy for advice and knows what happened between them and he won’t take Ade back.
Dixon & Continued Statutory Rapist Sasha
We see only about 5 seconds of them this weekend, but what we do see is Dixon going over to Sasha’s house for a little sumpin-sumpin.
Next Tuesday is the Halloween episode! Do you suppose there will be an attempted rape like on the original?