If you’ve ever awoken to find you’ve been impregnated by a much younger man, you can surely empathize with Billie of Accidentally on Purpose, airing Mondays on CBS. If you’ve never awoken to that, perhaps you can at least sympathize. Then again, you, like us, might just find it funny. No, not in that “I was a Duggar for Halloween!” sort of way, but rather in that “Hey, Jenna Elfman must have studied under Strasberg because she actually looks pregnant” sort of way. So if you find May-December pregnancy as humorous as we do, call your friends and neighbors; we’re throwing an Accidentally on Purpose party!
Setting the scene:
When you mix old and young, man and woman, sharpshooter and bull’s-eye, you’ve got a lot of options, but let’s focus on decorating as if you were, well, you, and that a 20-year-old male college student moved in. That means a guitar, a surfboard, a futon and a basketball. Dirty socks and sneakers are to be strewn across your lovely Pottery Barn furniture, and don’t forget to hook your television up to a Wii – nothing separates the generations like movement and technology. From here you need to decorate in “expectant parent” mode: Get books on everything from birthing techniques to baby names to single parenting, then add lactation pumps, diapers, a stroller and a crib with a big stuffed teddy bear sitting inside. During the night, have quizzes taken from the “Slacker’s Guide to the Universe” blog which features such gems as “sneeze therapy,” “the sit-down shower” and “freezing your underwear.” (We’ve tried all of them and they’re fabulous.) Party favors can include copies of the best-selling memoir by Mary F. Pols on which the show is based, and “Baby on Board” signs for your car (or 10-speed).
Women should come dressed as pregnant professionals if possible, while guys have the option of dressing as adults or slackers in graphic T-shirts, hoodies, jeans and sneakers.
On the menu:
Delivery pizza served from the box. Baby food.
On the hi-fi:
(You’re) Having My Baby by Paul Anka, Hey Nineteen by Steely Dan, When I Grow Up (to Be a Man) by the Beach Boys, Baby Baby by Amy Grant, Maggie May by Rod Stewart.
Sure, Billie’s condition with Zack seems all glamorous and exciting, but we think you might be better off sponsoring a child from a foreign land rather than choosing a father for your baby based on his skills at beer pong. Print out some profiles of available children and have a laptop set up to the Web site. It’s only $35 a month!