american-horror-story-season-4-info-FX.jpgWas this the weirdest “American Horror Story: Coven” episode to date? It was certainly one of the bloodiest, but a lot of the small touches also made it super weird.

The Corporation

Fiona and Marie set up a meeting with the Delphi Trust members, who honestly appear to be there to negotiate in good faith, offering the witches a 100-year truce. But the witches are having none of it and the Axeman dispenses of the men in short order, blood spurting every which way but loose.

Except for Hank’s papa, whom Fiona gets to kill herself in an axe blow to the jugular. More blood! Hooray?

The Coven

Turns out Queenie was able to heal herself and reassemble Madame LaLaurie, so now Queenie’s back and she thinks she’s the next Supreme (because of these new powers). Queenie gives Cordelia what-for about Delia being so weak, so Cordelia decides she should stab out her own eyeballs in order to get “the sight” back. That’s hardcore.

Speaking of Madame LaLaurie, she kind of narrates the episode — but only in small spurts, so that’s one of the weird things happening. But there is much attention paid to her backstory, so there’s more torturing and killing of slaves/servants that makes it onto the screen and we also find out that Delphine got her start torturing animals.

So Delphine isn’t just a sadistic racist, she’s actually a straight-up psychopath. That’s … great. Can’t have enough disembowelment on TV, we say.

Anyway, Delphine wants her revenge on Marie, so the spirit of Spalding the butler, creepily hanging out in his attic o’ dolls, tells her that Benadryl can kill Marie — Delphine thinking, of course, that the Benadryl capsules are magic because how would she know they’re something you can buy at the local Walgreens?

Spalding really just wants to get Marie “out of his hair,” so he tricks Delphine into drugging her so he can conk Marie over the head. He advises Delphine to bury Marie somewhere from which she cannot escape.

The Lovebirds

Myrtle gives Zoe “two tickets to Epcot” (another weird touch and not a euphemism) and a precious piece of jewelry that she can pawn for money. Myrtle means for Zoe and Kyle to escape and start over together, since Madison is basically ready to slit Zoe’s throat out of jealousy over their shared man (who doesn’t want to be with Madison anymore).

Kyle doesn’t want to run away, though, because he’s afraid he’ll hurt Zoe or someone else, but she convinces him she loves him and that they can make it work. The two lovebirds run through the bus terminal, holding hands and grinning like idiots. So, that should end well.

Thoughts & Tidbits

  • Did Delphine put poop in the soup? Poop soup? That’s amazing.
  • Will Cordelia have “the sight” again or will the eye-stabbing all be for naught? That would be kind of a neat (and cruel) twist, not being able to give yourself “the sight.”
  • Will Nan be back? The witches buried her, but no one seems to stay dead on this show unless they were cremated.
  • It’s always a bummer when Misty Day isn’t twirling her way through an episode. Since there are only two left, we’re guessing that next week somebody finds where Madison buried her alive.
  • We thought for sure that when Kyle and Zoe got on the bus, Madison was going to flip it over into a fiery crash, mirroring what she did to her rapists in the premiere episode. Perhaps that’s coming next week as well.
  • Did anybody else think that Spalding was going to do something to the baby Marie stole? The way this episode had been going, we thought for sure he was going to hurt it. Compared to the rest of the episode, the fact that the spirit of the creepy butler merely rocked the baby in his attic o’ dolls was downright sweet.
  • As we wind down “AHS” Season 3, we’re left wonder what the final two episodes look like now that the Corporation is gone. Will it be Fiona vs. the coven now, as the new Supreme tries to rise and Fiona tries to stop it? Will anyone be willing to help Marie Laveau if Delphine can in fact bury her somewhere she can’t escape from?

Best Lines:

Madison: “You think you can just throw me away for some junior varsity mallrat?”

Myrtle: “Madison, you are the worst kind of Hollywood cliche — a bubble-head with crotchless panties.”
Madison: “And you’re a dried up old Hot Pocket, but I don’t judge.”

Madison: “Crotchless panties for everyone!”

Crotchless panties for everyone, indeed. What did you think of “Protect the Coven”?

Posted by:Andrea Reiher

TV critic by way of law school, Andrea Reiher enjoys everything from highbrow drama to clever comedy to the best reality TV has to offer. Her TV heroes include CJ Cregg, Spencer Hastings, Diane Lockhart, Juliet O'Hara and Buffy Summers. TV words to live by: "I'm a slayer, ask me how."