shania twain american idol 'American Idol': Katelyn Epperly, Charity Vance and boob boxing in Chicago“American Idol” heads to Chicago and finds Shania Twain and something called “boob boxing.” Yikes.

There’s a Barack Obama clip to kick things off and then a girl says she’s “America’s next top model” instead of “the next American idol.” Snerk.

Katelyn Epperly kicks it off (she’s from Iowa! Represent, Hawkeye!) and I love her wild curly blonde hair. She sings “Syrup and Honey” and has this great bluesy voice. Shania calls her unique and Randy loves it that she doesn’t sound like Duffy. Kara likes the potential but wants something perkier and Simon agrees. She’s through unanimously.

Broadway Amy Lang is next and I can’t tell from her pre-audition footage if she’s for real or not. Her Ryan Seacrest crush and promise of a “boob thing” scares me. And then she keels over and no one is sure if she actually fainted or not. Her bouncing bosoms during her song get dubbed “boob boxing” and Simon shows her the door. Man, that girl actually has some talent — why did she blow that so badly by doing something so stupid?

A montage of moral support people is set to the “Growing Pains” theme song! Awesome.

Charity Vance is a 16 year-old who sings “Summertime” and I really like her her control and interpretation of the song. Randy rightly calls her voice small but interesting. Shania sees a lot of personal style and Simon loved her version. Totally. She’s through unanimously.

Bad Montage. Apparently the entire cast of the movie “Freaks” plus a scary accordion lady and the Thing That Ate William Hung live in Chicago.

Up next is Angela Martin. This is her third go-round. The first time her dad was killed right before Hollywood Week but her appearance on “Idol” did lead to the Shriners’ Hospital offering to help take care of her daughter with Rett Syndrome. Last year she couldn’t make it to one of the Hollywood days because of a court date for a traffic violation. This year her mom went missing between Angela’s initial audition and Hollywood Week. She sings “Just Fine” and she’s still good. Man, you just really want to see this girl succeed after all the crap she’s been through. She gets 4 yes votes.

Bad Montage. Kangol-wearing Curley Newbern is up with “A Woman’s Work” and… he sorta sounds like when a little girl sings to herself absentmindedly. That could not be serious. NEXT! Alannah Halbert is the next not-so-great singer. Scratch that. She’s tone deaf. Brian Krause brings up the rear in this group. He sings Tiny Tim’s “Tiptoe Through the Tulips” and as I start wiping the blood out of my ears, the judges send him on his way.

We’re still waiting for the first Golden Ticket of the second day of auditions in Chicago. We DO NOT get it with Harold Davis. He has a very nasally voice with terrible tone. When he gets no votes, he… is he actually crying? Or just pretending to cry? Lame. More non-Golden Ticket holders set to Shania Twain’s song “That Don’t Impress Me Much.” Seriously. Chicago is WEAK.

The first ticket to Hollywood FINALLY goes to John Park. Oh, he’s adorable! He sings “I Love You More Than You’ll Ever Know” and he has a great soulful voice with awesome low notes. Shania expresses tha tsame sentiment by saying he has a beautiful bottom end. She then piles it on with nice lips. Is Shania drunk? Rowr. Anyway, John is through with flying colors.

Paige Dechausse is our last audition tonight. She has the sad story of serious asthma (that’s for real, not sarcasm) and she almost died. Anyway, she sings “A Change is Gonna Come” and I don’t love her. She’s not on-key the whole time and this isn’t a great song for her. Simon says she was okay, but indulgent. Randy says she had some pitch problems. Simon says no, but the other three say yes and she’s through.

Good Montage. Right at the end we see Justin Ray, Keith Semple (Heaven), and Marcus Jones get Golden Tickets. I really enjoyed the small snippet we saw of Semple singing “Heaven.” I don’t know why, but I really dig his raspy voice.

So that wraps up Chicago. Only 13 Golden Tickets were given out. I have to say… didn’t love Chicago. I like Angela Martin but it’s hard to tell if it’s from her voice or her sad life. Katelyn Epperly was great, Charity Vance intrigues me and I would like to hear John Park and Keith Semple again.

Also, if they only gave out 13 tickets and we saw 7 of them? That’s a crazy-good percentage for this show, especially in a hour-long episode! Well done, “American Idol!”

What did you guys think? Disappointed in Chicago?

Tomorrow night: Orlando

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Posted by:Andrea Reiher

TV critic by way of law school, Andrea Reiher enjoys everything from highbrow drama to clever comedy to the best reality TV has to offer. Her TV heroes include CJ Cregg, Spencer Hastings, Diane Lockhart, Juliet O'Hara and Buffy Summers. TV words to live by: "I'm a slayer, ask me how."