Last week on “America’s Got Talent,” we saw Anna Graceman, Sandou Trio Russian bar, Snap Boogie and the Miami All-Stars advance. Who will go through this week? Also – what in God’s name is Nick Cannon wearing tonight? Somewhere Craig Sager is taking notes.
1. Attack Dance Crew
The crew tonight dances in some fun neon and black tracksuit things and their routine is much trickier than I remember them doing in the past. They work the musical cues very well and the stunts are neat, plus everybody is really synchronized in the wide shots. Good start to the show. Not the most amazing thing I’ve ever seen, but very solid. First, Piers rightly calls out Nick on his outfit. Hee. But Piers also says it was a bit of a mess in parts. Hmph. Sharon pans them a bit too. I wonder why I liked them so much. I really think the judges are being a bit harsh. Howie then calls them cheerleaders again. Um, cheerleaders do not do routines like that at all. Maybe, maybe, a high school pom-pon squad, but not cheerleaders, dude.
2. Dani Shay
Talk about someone who has to absolutely kill it. Dani’s audition was great, but Vegas was a trainwreck. For tonight, she performs “Babylon” in a living room set up and … hmm. It’s weird to hear this song in her voice. It’s just OK for the first half, but the ending is nice (except that weak high part). I don’t know if it’s enough, though. I’m leaning towards no, barring seeing how the other acts do. Sharon calls her amazing, Howie advises her to be more current (yes) and Piers says she was off-key at times. Yeah, I don’t know if she’s advancing.
3. Geechy Guy
Uh, he wastes the first like 20 seconds of his time by coming out to “Sing, Sing, Sing” with two girls dressed as whoopie cushions. And then … I don’t really find him funny. Weird one-liners like this have to be delivered better, like Mitch Hedberg did. Meh. Send him home. I won’t even bother with the judges’ comments.
4. Daniel Joseph Baker
I’m excited to see what this guy does, I enjoyed his “Bad Romance” audition. For the live show, his call is a zebra stripe piano and people climbing around some scaffolding like it’s a production of “Rent.” But it totally works with “The Edge of Glory,” the song he chose. After the piano intro, the song busts open with lights and craziness and the dancers going bonkers in their jazzercise outfits. Huh. I would’ve actually preferred him to stay at the piano and keep it low-key, plus he’s out of tune sometimes. Piers asks him how he feels and he’s just so grateful and humble, which is sweet and adorable. Piers also compliments his fire and love of performing, which make up for the bum notes. That’s true. I would like to see him do something OTHER than Gaga next time, though.
5. The Rhinestone Ropers
This is not so much an act for this show as it is another circus act (of which we had about six last week). I mean, it’s neat, but … Anyway, tonight they have a live horse and their first “trick” is that the horse picks up a hat in his teeth. Uh, get to the stunts! I would’ve buzzed already. This is taking way too long to set up. Finally Piers buzzes and then like an hour later the rope tricks start. It’s just a lasso, though. Where are the gun shots and the knife throwing? LAME. You blew your wad on the audition and this is all you had left in your arsenal? Good god. Bleep bleep bleep.
6. Dylan Andre
Dylan is not only a cute boy, but he spins a sob story about his mom’s broken dreams, so I’m sure he’ll advance whether this is good or whether it sucks balls. Sigh. And then his call? Is John FREAKIN’ Mayer’s “Daughters.” Oh barf. Nope, not watching this. He’ll probably advance. Moving on.
7. Landon Swank
This magician has Nick help out with the illusion by writing his first name on a mirror inside a cabinet. The back of the cabinet has a mirror too and Nick writes his last name on that one. An assistant has covered up the signed area on the first mirror with paper. So they twirl the cabinet around and Landon emerges from the “cover” on the front. Piers asks to see the back again once Landon is done, but the back looks just the same. It’s a neat trick. Not super flashy, though, so I don’t know if he’ll advance. Piers does say the art of being a magician is doing stuff where people don’t know how you did it, which he did do. Sharon says she was confused. Howie says the presentation needs work, but the magic was good. Yes.
8. Smage Bros. Riding Show
This act is OK, but again – circus. And on this stage, I feel like they can’t perform to their full potential, not like if they were outdoors. Tonight they have their motorbikes again and they pp wheelies and jump up on stuff. It’s neat, but not mind-blowing or whatever. It’s a talent for sure, but it’s kinda boring. The judges go bonkers over it. Huh.
9. Thomas John
This is a pretty fun act. In his pre-show video, he says, “Along with other legendary risk-takers in the grand American tradition, I will be risking my life doing something dumb for your amusement.” Heee. Advance him just for that.
Thomas is awesomely dressed like Evel Knievel and is really working it, but I could seriously do without the skanky backup dancers. Also, this isn’t funny. His schtick was always funny and this is kinda boring and his mouthing the words to the “Ferris Bueller” song is just distracting. Piers buzzes him. The ending, where he balances on a board and has five pins to juggle, looks like it’s going to be cool, but then he drops all his juggling pins. He claims he threw them away on purpose, but he dropped them. Sorry Thomas, that was really weak. Sharon also buzzed.
10. Steven Retchless
So this is another circus act, but like Sandou Trio Russian bar, it’s so good that it doesn’t matter. I mean, he’s like a Greek god, he’s so in shape and the things he does on the pole are very impressive. And in this case, the backup dancers are not a distraction, they’re an enhancement. I really like it, but for some reason Piers buzzes. Why are his panties in such a twist tonight? I love the Gothic theme and the pointe dancing. Sharon gives him a standing O. For sure. Piers defends his buzz by saying that he’s tried to appreciate this, but there is a reason there are no male pole dancing clubs in America. Seriously, that’s the reason? Piers drools on his tie when those skanky female dance groups perform, but he can’t appreciate this art form? Get bent, Piers.
11. Mona Lisa
The twin sisters choose “God Bless the Broken Road” and … oof. This is not the song for their tone and harmonies, which are not on-key all the time. Yikes. I’m sorry, these girls seem really nice, but this is terrible. Straight-up terrible. The judges love it – are they deaf?!? On TV (which I realize can be very different from in person), it was awful.
I just fell in love with this audition, so hope I they have something cool planned for Hollywood. Their call tonight is “American Pride” and they are dedicating it to people who have served in the military. Well. I mean, that’s awesome, but also a shoo-in. It’s like when Kristy Lee Cook survived on “Idol” after doing “God Bless the U.S.A.”
Anyway. So they incorporate pictures of iconic U.S. scenes and it’s hard to explain, but it’s really neat, especially the Iwo Jima one. I mean, I’m actually getting a little teary-eyed, so if my cold black heart can enjoy this, then you just know they are getting SO many votes. The ghostly Twin Towers was a bit much
. But the judges give them a standing O. Actually, the two Brits stand up and Howie’s like, “Oops, I better get up too so I don’t look like I hate America.”
The judges go bonkers.
So let’s assume Dylan Andre advances because that’s what happens on shows like this. The other three spots? I think Silhouettes, Steven Retchless and either Daniel Joseph Baker or Landon Swank should get the other spots. If it were up to me, those four would advance, but I’m betting the cute straight singer guy nabs a spot.
What do you think, “AGT” fans? See you back here tomorrow night to find out!