americas got talent iluminate peachock 'America's Got Talent': Team iLuminate, Charles Peachock wowWe are down to our last quarterfinal group, “America’s Got Talent” fans. Will it be the best one yet? We can only hope.

1. The Kinetic King

Presumably he has to go first because it takes so long for him to set up, which right away should tell us he is not right for this show. He’d get in like one 15-second act per hour-long show or something. Anyway, tonight (after 36 hours of set up) he sets off his train of tongue depressors and it all goes horribly wrong. Aw, geez. After all that time! That is so sad. Poor Kinetic King. Moving on.

2. Zuma Zuma

They are really playing up the Kenya thing tonight,w ith a video background of the African plains and tribal music and makeup/outfits. The tumbling and pole tricks are pretty amazing. I think they are much more entertaining than the dance troupes that made the quarterfinals and they scream Vegas show, very Cirque du Soleil. Howie and Sharon give them a standing O.

3. Avery and the Calico Hearts

These three are just a little too much Alvin & the Chipmunks for my taste, but we’ll see. Tonight they are dressed in the hip 80s wear that is back now and they are singing a song that it actually takes me awhile to recognize – at first, I think it’s “Wild Wild West” and I’m like, “No. They would not sing that.”, but it’s “I Wish” by Stevie Wonder. Huh. Way to make them “current.” Howie calls them the Chipmunks come to life, which – for me, that’s not a compliment. They’re adorable and can sing, but they need time to mature. Piers says they made him smile, but it’s too early for them, singing-ability-wise. Yes. They just need time.

4. Charles Peachock

So I’m not sure juggling is the right act to go far on this show, but if anybody can do it, it’s this guy. He’s very good. This week he starts off playing the piano with tennis balls, which Sharon buzzes right away! She doesn’t even give him a chance! God, Sharon. He starts playing the Can-Can with the tennis balsl, faster and faster and it’s pretty amazing. Then he gets buzzed by Howie. WTF?! He then goes into “Jailhouse Rock” and I can’t believe they don’t love this. This is incredible. The timing, the rhythm – think about this in the middle of a juggling show that features the fire and the chainsaws, but has a break where the juggler plays the piano with his juggling pieces. Incredible! I’m so shocked at the judges.

Piers says he doesn’t know what the other judges were watching, but he’s never seen anything like this and that it was one of the most talented juggling acts he’s seen. For sure. The other two are stupid. I write them off completely, how can I take them seriously after this? Sharon says it’s slow, but – you have NOT buzzed people who get off to slower start. She then complains about him “turning himself into a Chippendale.” Howie says they’ve seen acts like this before, many acts. WHAT?! Stop talking about Charles not having a shirt on, that doesn’t matter. This was incredible and Sharon and Howie are HIGH. He didn’t just “drop his balls on the piano,” HOWIE. Were you even watching?! I cannot believe it, but I am INCENSED by this. Howie the child then blows an airhorn into his microphone.

I might actually have just been stirred to vote and I never vote for this show.

UPDATE: During Sam B’s performance, I looked up my past recaps. Sharon and Howie didnt’ buzz yo-yo guy, they didn’t buzz Echo the Bird, they didn’t buzz Mauricio. And none of those acts hold a CANDLE to this act. Ooooh, I’m so mad! It’s like they ate an extra helping of B**** Flakes this morning.

5. Sam B.

Sigh. I can’t recap this, this is like Mauricio Herrera without the Tom Jones. (“Why, why, WHYYYYYY, Delilah?”). This is stupid, I’m sorry.

6. Taylor Davis

Taylor’s call tonight is “Falling Slowly” and … yikes. It sounds like he can’t hear the accompaniment? Except he’s playing the only accompaniment at the beginning? The lead-in to the chorus and the chorus get better, but the verse was way too low for him. Piers buzzes him and honestly? Yeah. This is rough. Sorry, Taylor, but no. Piers says he was completely off-key and Sharon shakes her head, but Piers is right. He was not in tune. This performance was pretty terrible.

7. Melissa Villasenor

I thought she was great the first time around. Tonight she starts off with a very mediocre Drew Barrymore impression and not that funny of a joke. Her Owen Wilson is quite good, but her Sharon Osbourne is pretty weak. Her singing Britney is really pretty good, her Mariah is just random runs and her Michael Jackson is terrible. Her Judy Garland isn’t bad, but guess what? I didn’t laugh once. Impressions are cool and she can do some good ones, but she was not funny this time around. Sorry, but you can’t get by on good impressions alone. You also have to have good jokes. Piers is with me and after the Charles Peachock nonsense, I don’t really care what the other two have to say.

8. Scott Alexander

He’s the last magician left standing after a couple suspect judges’ choices the last few weeks. This week, Scott has a gospel choir and “Think” by Aretha Franklin while he bops around for awhile. He then puts the choir into a box on a platform, drops a curtain, bops around a little more and then vanishes the choir. They all appear in a balcony, though I’m not convinced the people in the balcony box are the same as the people on stage. Not bad, but honestly, not as good as Landon Swank. Interestingly, Piers praises his showmanship, but says the trick wasn’t that original. That’s fair.

9. Fatally Unique

The theme tonight is battle, kind of an urban war thing happening. The dancing is very militaristic, which makes it really obvious when someone is not quite in sync with everyone else. But I applaud the outside-the-box thinking. Dancing-wise, this is very good, but it just isn’t as entertaining as Zuma Zuma. They might be in trouble because they are mostly just a dance troupe and how much can watch one of those? They’re like a halftime act.

10. Yellow Design Stunt Team

First off, I love, love, love the Alice in Wonderland theme. That and the music ramps up the interesting factor on this act, which frankly does not have bicycle stunts that are too terribly impressive. It’s also for that reason I don’t think these guys should advance. They’re just OK, but their BMX tricks are nothing spectacular. Of course, Tweedledee and Tweedledum (who buzzed Charles Peachock) think they’re the greatest thing they’ve ever seen. Because they’re dumb. Seriously, these two are dead to me. A BMX act can certainly be in Vegas, but they would have to be much better than these guys.

11. Frank Miles

This guy is an intriguing variety act, but he’s very circus. It’s not something you watch for an entire show, it’s something you stop and watch while walking through the midway. Tonight he fires five subsequent crossbows that go off in a chain reaction. As he explains the trick, he’s decently funny, which is good, because the set-up is kinda slow. He then launches the crossbows and they fire off very quickly, but the last one misses the donut. Honestly – kinda boring. Long set-up, tiny payoff. Sorry, Frank. Tweedledee calls it “very exciting,” but apparently she would be excited by someone flashing a laser pointer around the room so she can chase it like a cat. Tweedledum also says exciting. Piers hurts me by saying it was dangerous and impressive, but it didn’t work. Yes, didn’t work – and snooze-a-palooza. It wasn’t even dangerous – the crossbow was o
bviously aimed well above his head, so even if it doesn’t hit the target, it just sails on by. It’s not like it could have slipped down so much that it hits him in the face or something.

And the difference between Frank and Charles is that Charles demonstrated talent, while Frank just set up some crossbows.

12. Team iLuminate

I think this is a very strong act, especially for this show and this format. It’s Fighting Gravity goes high-tech, which is awesome. Tonight their dance starts off very lyrical but then gets … a little scary, actually. It’s like a man/monster is after the female lyrical dancer, but then he gets her and turns her into an angel? Interesting piece, but whether you liked the story of the dance or not, the act is so cool. Amazing.

So who should advance? Team iLuminate, Zuma Zuma, Charles Peachock and … hmm. Fatally Unique, I think I have to go with. What do you guys think? 

Posted by:Andrea Reiher

TV critic by way of law school, Andrea Reiher enjoys everything from highbrow drama to clever comedy to the best reality TV has to offer. Her TV heroes include CJ Cregg, Spencer Hastings, Diane Lockhart, Juliet O'Hara and Buffy Summers. TV words to live by: "I'm a slayer, ask me how."