sharonosbourne americasgottalent 290 'America's Got Talent': This show is a jokeTonight on “America’s Got Talent,” I can’t believe which acts are in the finals. It’s terrible.

Well, I actually voted last night. The Fab Five and Arcadian Broad got all my votes. I think the Fab Five should be safe, but I’m nervous about Arcadian. However, I can’t worry about that because I’m too excited about the Muppets and David Hasselhoff performing.

After a needless video recap of last night, we get to some results. The first group is…

1. Arcadian Broad, The Texas Tenors and Drew Thomas Magic
Oh dear. I bet only one got through and it’s probably the effing Texas Tenors. Why do people think they can sing? They cannot. There’s some individual talent, but as a group they are awful. The first group sent home is Drew Thomas Magic. No surprises there, he really dropped the ball last night. The act advancing to the finals is… Texas Tenors. Ugh. Gag me. That is a huge disappointment. Arcadian Broad has more talent in one leg than those guys have put together and the slobbering the judges do over this act is disgusting.

The Muppets
We now have Kermit and Miss Piggy. My boyfriend has a recurring nightmare that a roving band of Muppets are chasing him and trying to kill him. Seriously. Kermie and Piggy sing “Don’t Go Breakin’ My Heart” and frankly, it’s pretty lame. I was so excited for this act but this is terrible. I want Marshall and Lily to do it! I like the singing/dancing chickens, that’s pretty sweet.

Orville Lounge montage
Neat. It’s the tiny, creepy red room they make the artists hang out in and pretend to have a party. Moving on…

2. Grandma Lee, Tony & Rory and Paradizo Dance
Please let it be that all of them are cut, just like last week. Please. None of them deserve to go through. Unfortunately, one of them is through and it is Grandma Lee. Seriously? The Americans who vote for this show are officially on my list after putting through those two stinkers. I’m also just sure one of the last four acts is Kevin Skinner, which means one of my two favorite acts (Acrodunk and Fab Five) did not make it. Grrrrr.

David Hasselhoff Time!
Now, I will say this. A few years ago I found “Jekyll and Hyde” being broadcast on PBS and I stopped because I love that musical. However, I stayed with it because I was mesmerized that none other than David Hasselhoff was playing the lead. I was pleasantly surprised to find out he can actually sing.

Tonight he does “Feelin’ Good” in a pinstrip suit with a fedora and a very Gene Kelly vibe and it’s good. I mean, it doesn’t blow me clean away but it’s entertaining and he sings well. I’m actually surprised he can do so well with all those 19 year-old harlots flailing around onstage with him. He attempts to dance and that’s… unnecessary. But let’s focus on the singing. It’s Hoffly good. I particularly like the ending.

3. Kevin Skinner, Acrodunk, Voices of Glory and Fab Five
What’s going on here? Why are they all stepping forward? Hmmm. The first act advancing is… Kevin Skinner. I am shocked. My jaw has hit the floor. I’m so surprised that dumb Americans would vote for a mediocre singer who has a good sob story. Sigh.

My mom remarks, “This show is a joke.” I agree.  No act that has gone through tonight is really any good and certainly not worth $1 million. Good god in heaven. I’m gonna need two bottles of wine to get through the finals in two weeks.

The next act going home is Acrodunk. That stinks. They are quite entertaining and more Vegas than every act that’s made it so far. Oh well. As long as the judges pick the Fab Five, I’ll be okay.

Voices of Glory is very cute and Nadia has a great voice. She’s young, though. In a few years, that girl is going to be phenomenal. But right now… the Fab Five have to go through.

After the commercial, Sharon refuses to vote. What kind of cheap ploy is this? Are they really going to let 5 acts through so that we have a Top 10 instead of a Top 8? Or is Sharon just being a pill? Well, then David refuses to vote so I know something’s fishy. Piers then explains that they are sending them both through. Shocker. I’m so surprised at their on-the-spot, off-the-cuff spontaneity. I mean, I’m very excited for the Fab Five and Nadia, but seriously. Could you be any lamer, show?

Posted by:Andrea Reiher

TV critic by way of law school, Andrea Reiher enjoys everything from highbrow drama to clever comedy to the best reality TV has to offer. Her TV heroes include CJ Cregg, Spencer Hastings, Diane Lockhart, Juliet O'Hara and Buffy Summers. TV words to live by: "I'm a slayer, ask me how."