Welcome to our special half-hour results show for America’s Got Talent. To recap, I think the following acts should be the Top 10: Donald Braswell, Nuttin’ but Stringz, Eli Mattson, Jonathan
Burkin, Sarah Lenore, the Tapping Dads, SickStep, the Cadence, Xtreme
Dance FX
and then ONE of Queen Emily or Neal E. Boyd, Opera Singer. Hopefully those are the 10 who make it through.

Jerry welcomes us to the show and we say hello to the judges. Sharon is wearing a white sweater! With sparkles! What is going on here? Where’s the black? Weird. We get an unnecessary recap of the first night and then they bring out those 10 to narrow down to 5. WTF? I thought it would be the best 10 out of BOTH nights? Dammit.

The first duo is The Wright Kids and ZOOperstars. Oh man! Neither of these deserves to go on to the Top 10. This is CRAP. Some really good acts from last night aren’t going to make it because last night was stacked with talent and the first night was so crappy. The Wright Kids are through. Good for them. They aren’t good enough. Blech.

The next duo are Neal E. Boyd, Opera Singer and Queen Emily. Well, at least only ONE of them is going through. The one who gets through (Sharon and The Hoff look gobsmacked that there’s only one of them going through) then… wait a minute. Jerry tells us they are both through. Gag me. I’m already so annoyed tonight I could just spit.

Next is the James Gang and Xtreme Dance FX. Aw man. If we’re doing 5 from each night, both of these should be through and the Wright Kids should be going home. And then they are BOTH leaving?!?! WHAT? Holy crap! Ugh, I can’t believe how upset I’m getting about this show, but I really am.

The next duo is Paul Salos and The Cadence. This should be The Cadence, but seeing as how tonight is going… who can say? Then Paul Salos goes through!?! OH MY GOD! What is WRONG with people? WHAT is WRONG with PEOPLE?

So far, not a single act that has gotten through tonight was BETTER than the acts last night. This is disgusting. There are going to be some very good acts from last night going home and the Wrong Kids, Stank Sinatra and Backwards Hat Crier and BBW Crier have no business continuing on. Ugh.

Our last duo from the Sucky Night is Soldier Daniel and No-Daddy’s Girl Jessica. I really don’t care for either of them, I can’t believe one of them gets to stay. Jerry starts with The Hoff, which genuinely seems to catch him off-guard. He chooses (after a REALLY long Word Salad spew of nonsense) Jessica. Sharon votes for Daniel "as a mum," whatever that means. Way to give Jessica a Mom Complex too, Sharon. Piers is the deciding vote. He says he’s going with the act he believes has the talent to compete in the Top 10 and that is Jessica.  Ya know, if Jessica makes it and Sarah Lenore doesn’t, based on the weakness or strength of their respective semi-finals, that is REALLY unfair. Because Sarah is clearly better than Jessica.

Wow, we are getting crunched for time. I hope the judges can shut their yaps for the final choice.

Our first duo from last night is SickStep and Kaitlyn. Hmm. Well, welcome to the Top 10, cutie pie. I hope she wins the whole damn thing, just so the producers have to give a 4 year-old a Vegas show. That’ll teach ’em to stack the deck this way.

The next duo is Donald Braswell and The Tapping Dads. Bye-bye, Tapping Dads. You did awesome last night. Sigh. I’m so annoyed. Donald was good too, though. Nothing against him.

Next we have the Taubls and Nuttin’ but Stringz. I swear to all that is good and holy, if the Taubls get in I will throw my shoe through the TV. And then Nuttin’ but Stringz makes it and YAYAYAYAY! Phew. Thank god.

The next duo is Sarah Lenore and Eli Mattson. NOOOOOOOOOO! NOOOOO! Oh my god, NO! Are you kidding me?!?! Queen Emily, Neal and Jessican are all Top 10 and one of these guys is going home? That is a travesty. And then Eli makes it through. That’s great, I love him, but Sarah going home when Jessica stays is NOT RIGHT.

The judges’ decision comes down to Elvis and Jonathan Burkin. WOW. I cannot believe the Baton Twirler finished 5th or 6th in the voting. That really surprises me. Piers says it’s a hard call because the acts are so different. PIers says he believes there is more to see of Elvis, so he gets the vote. WOW. That is NOT right. Sharon buries her head in her hands (Jonathan looks ready to vomit right on stage) and then gets the names mixed around, finally voting for "Baton boy." Wow, I think Sharon might have dipped into a little of Paula Abdul’s stash tonight. That explains the sparkly shirt, then.

We go to commercial before The Hoff has to decide. They are really cutting it close on time tonight.

By the way, whichever commenter got my hopes up about picking the Best 10 from both nights is on my list [big hairy eyeball].  (Just kidding, but seriously… I was really excited.)

The Hoff votes for Elvis. I am just beside myself. What a [redacting] [redacted][redacted] load of crap.  Ugh.

Posted by:Andrea Reiher

TV critic by way of law school, Andrea Reiher enjoys everything from highbrow drama to clever comedy to the best reality TV has to offer. Her TV heroes include CJ Cregg, Spencer Hastings, Diane Lockhart, Juliet O'Hara and Buffy Summers. TV words to live by: "I'm a slayer, ask me how."