Tonight on Top Model, we were once again forced to endure an entire episode of un-made-over models. It was pretty rough going, but I managed to ignore Janet’s semi-mullet long enough to enjoy a shouting match, a runway show, and a very random photo shoot. (Fierce spoilers ahead…)

As the girls are hanging out at the house, Kimberly asks Bianca for help walking, and Bianca totally sabotages her with bad tips! Witch! In fact, I’m just going to change the word "Witch" to "Bianca" for the length of this recap. Thus, later, Bianca Biancas about how Heather has it really easy in the competition, since everyone feels sorry for her and her Aspergers-having self. Um, right. I’m not even going to address that. It was heartening to see some of the girls help Heather out with clothes and makeup, though. Not because someone with Aspergers can’t do it themselves or anything, but because it means they’re actually warming up to her. Yay!

The girls are sent to a "fashion madhouse," which is set up to look like an abandoned mental hospital. After scaring them half to death, Miss Jay goes about curing them of their fashion ills. By…putting them in straightjackets and making them walk in heels. I would fall over in, like, two seconds, you guys. Also? I love this show. That really can’t be said enough. Poor Heather doesn’t do so well, while Janet and Saleisha were standouts.

Bianca and Saleisha, it should be noted, have a bit of a rivalry going. Mostly in Bianca’s mind. I have to give the edge to Saleisha, though, who has prior modeling experience (and also isn’t a backstabbing Bianca). It all comes to a head in a bizarre shouting match, which everyone else just kind of laughs at. Which is completely fair, because it was hilarious. Bianca follows it up with an interview that simply must be quoted in full: "I could break these [Biancas] down one by one. I refuse to let these [Biancas] think that I’m not a real model. Don’t let the red hair fool you, [Biancas]. I can be very high fashion, okay?" AMAZING!

Tyra Mail! They’re off meet Roy Campbell, who is putting together a couture fashion show with gowns by Colleen Quen. The winner of the walking challenge will get to walk the runway in her next line’s Paris debut. The dresses are…weird. And mostly very difficult to walk in, though not entirely, which seems unfair. And the runway commentary by Roy Campbell is hilarious: "Imagine molten metal poured all over your body, and you have this curvaceous gown." Ebony and Sarah have a bit of a runway collision, and Roy Campbell points out that it almost looked deliberate on Ebony’s part. Saleisha deservedly wins the challenge, though Bianca also gets praised.

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This week’s photo shoot isn’t quite as life-altering as last week’s. …Unless it’s trying to send some sort of anti-vertigo message. That’s right, they’ll be on a rock climbing wall in high fashion gowns. And crazy makeup. Just because. Lisa is afraid of heights, but does a great job anyway, of course. ‘Cause Lisa’s a pro. Her face was often self-conscious in the film, though. Janet‘s final photo is good, but her film wasn’t consistent. And the judges don’t see her as a model in person. Saleisha needs a bit of a pep talk, but then she really pulls it out with an amazing upside-down pose, even though she’s not really "high fashion." I’m definitely on board the Saleisha train, although the "I’ve modeled before" thing is getting a wee bit old.

Bianca isn’t quite as successful, which is fine by me. Bizarrely, Twiggy loves her in person. Victoria, who really needs to stop talking about how nerdy she is, turns out a very interesting, unique photo. I love it, and the judges like it too, though they want her to appear more confident in person. And, kind of in opposition to that, they want her to stop talking back to them. Ambreal does a great job according to most of the judges, but Twiggy and I are just not feeling it with her. Chantal has some difficulty with posing. In fact, her photo looks totally crazy, and the judges especially aren’t digging the spread eagle pose. However, they seem to come around to it in the end, and she winds up with some pretty heavy praise (undeservedly, in my opinion).

Ebony is worried, but still pulls out an okay picture. The judges aren’t sure she has what it takes to make it in the industry. Sarah‘s photo turns out nicely, and the judges point out how photogenic her face is. They find her awkward in person, though. Kimberly doesn’t have a great photo, but the judges at least like her in person. They worry, though, that she’s overly hoochie in pictures, and show a horrifying casting photo of Kimberly in a vest/corset thing to prove their point. Urgh. Jenah is an expert rock climber and poser, and really rocks (get it?) the shoot. The judges love her photo. Heather also does a great job, and we get to see some of her drawings at judging, which are pretty impressive. The judges love her (as should everyone).

Heather, bless her heart, talks about how hard eliminations are, because she really likes all the girls. Glad to see she’s fitting in better at the house, but some of the other girls do NOT deserve her friendship after all the trash-talking last week. She’s a bigger person than I am, that’s for sure. And she’s Covergirl of the Week, so well-played for the second week in a row, America. Jaslene’s Life as a Covergirl, incidentally, is still loud and monotone-tastic. And yet, she’s been selected as spokesperson for a big anti-abuse campaign. Go figure.

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Back at panel, Jenah gets the first picture, followed by Heather. Yay! Also in are Lisa, Chantal (this early?), Sarah, Ambreal, Victoria, Saleisha (this late?), Janet, and Ebony (who practically rips the photo out of Tyra’s hand). According to Tyra, Kimberly is gorgeous but doesn’t photograph well for high fashion, while Bianca’s photo was unpopular with all the judges but Tyra. Bianca gets to stick around, though, and Kimberly is out. Fair enough, I guess. Next week: MAKEOVERS!!!!!1!

Whose photo was the fiercest this week? Would you have jumped at the chance to send Bianca packing?

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Posted by:Liz Pardue