The

Bones

Sandra

doesn’t know Rule #1 of “America’s Next Top Model”: The Mighty Shall Fall. How

else to explain her extended remix of self-love back at the mansion? “I am

better than all the other girls,” she smirks. One win after weeks of losing,

and this girl is gonna ride it like its stolen.

Her

picture wasn’t that great, Fo and Aminat grouse. But any further juicy

Sandra-bashing is interrupted by the arrival of Toccara from Cycle 3, one of

the more likeable gals to cruise thru the series. She is there to have one of

those heart talks with the girls about how important personality is in a Top

Model. (Did Naomi Campbell get that memo?) She is sweet and fun, but when she

leaves she admits none of the girls are especially memorable. Ouch.

The

girls are summoned for a training session … with Benny Ninja! Benny is fun

and dramatic, but homey’s poses are not modeling. Given this show is not

usually about modeling, we’re good: I

love Mr. Ninja. The girls have a pose-off, set to music, which is some mighty cringe-inducing

television. Celia and Aminat redeem themselves, but dang, watching any of the

rest of them was just too painful for words. They’ve got some learning to do.

And

they’d better do it fast, because that evening they’ll be put to the test. Now,

this test is one of the most bizarre things I have ever seen. “Tonight is an

event for the fashion elite of New York,” Benny exclaims, a suspect statement when

it comes to ANTM. The girls will be dressed in duds from The Blonds: mister and

missus from the looks of it, tho the missus does appear to be a man underneath that

hair and make-up. Next, our aspiring models will have a few seconds to strike a

number of poses on the catwalk while being cheered or booed by the assembled

crowd.

When

the competition begins, I wonder if the fashion elite of New York are uniformly

young, handsome gay men dressed in J. Crew and the women who love them (plus a

couple queens seriously bringing the Boy George thing). But we mustn’t linger

on that as the posing begins: a few pleasant surprises, some bombs — hello,

Sandra — and Natalie and Celia as the two finalists. In a pose-off it’s Celia

for the win.

Back

at the house, Tahlia delves deeply into a pity party. She wants to leave. The

competition is hard. She’s not cut out for this. Her dress is too tight. She

is, in fact, one of the biggest downers of all time. Celia declares it would be

a travesty if anyone else got sent home when Tahlia is so clearly out of the

game … foreshadowing! And for once I must amen Natalie when she observes Tahlia

is happy to be there when she’s doing well, but quickly gives up when she’s

not. Way to compete, Tahlia.

The

photo shoot is cool. The clothes and vibe are Ellis Island-inspired, the camera

is one of those old ones that you need to stay really still for, and the previous

training/challenge actually comes into play.

Some

of the models are learning — Teyona, Allison, and Tahlia — while others are

fading right out of the shot. “Sandra is one of my biggest disappointments to

date,” Mr. Jay snipes. London and Natalie have the foresight to create

characters for themselves, but it’s clear based on Jay’s direction this one

might be rough-going for some of the girls. 

Panel

commences with 18 minutes left in the show. You know what means? There’s going

to be DRAMA.

Sandra

looks “like a deer in headlights,” according to guest judge Benny, and he doesn’t

think Kortnie looks like a model at all. Nigel confesses he finds Kortnie super

hot, but the photos just don’t work … Tyra says she needs tension. Everyone loves Allison and her editorial look even

if she can’t pose so well, and Tahlia — yeah, her — blows everyone away with a

hot mamacita photo.

It’s

Tahlia’s lucky day: she’s called first while the other girls stare rays of

death at her. Sandra and Kortnie are the bottom two, and Kortnie gets the boot.

We do get a satisfyingly terrified look from Sandra, but victory is fleeting. No

doubt she will have a hundred reasons for why she is number one next week. 

Except!

Celia steps up and tells the judges it isn’t fair for Kortnie to leave when

Tahlia is the one who has been saying she wants to go home.

Words

cannot describe the look Tyra gives Celia. It’s like channeling Medusa, Sharon

Osbourne and a dragon all at once. “What is truly unfair,” she says slowly, so

even the dumbest among them may understand, “is you saying that to me.” She

rips Celia a short and sweet new one for being a tattletale, and Celia looks

like she might die.

On

the upside? Kortnie is a very gracious loser. As she leaves she smiles and say,

“hopefully the house won’t be too crazy once I leave.”

Oh

Kortnie. Don’t you know ANTM Rule #2? Give crazy unto the viewers. Next week

can’t get here fast enough.

The

Pretty

Grainy

photos: on purpose for once. Though not all the models’ shots were

excellent, I thought the photos were still pretty neat.

Teyona’s

photo shoot was gorgeous. She was acting with her eyes; Tyra should have been

more proud.

Celia

is quite the poser. As she got reamed by Tyra there at the end, I was hoping

she would burst into some poses and dazzle TyTy into submission.

The

Ugly

Yay,

Sandra’s attitude is back. Maybe she and Natalie can just keep trading off.

Benny’s

posing training session with the girls was just was brutal. Ouch.

Oh,

Tyra, Please.

I

am not condoning Celia stepping up and opening up her mouth about Tahlia. Don’t

be a snitch, Celia. But it’s not so very hard to imagine Tyra might care to

learn such a thing about one of the girls … so when she goes all wide-eyed and

Hannibal Lector on the girl, you just can’t help but feel a little sorry for

her. Was Tyra just mad she didn’t get to confront Tahlia about it first?

The Poll

So sorry, Nijah, but Tyra could not make you into a supermodel: 53% of you said she needed to skedaddle, and 27% thought she should take Teyona’s old weave with along with her. (We had a bunch of write-ins for Natalie, and I can’t say I blame you.) Let’s rate this week’s drama.

Posted by:Lisa B.