doesn’t know Rule #1 of “America’s Next Top Model”: The Mighty Shall Fall. How
else to explain her extended remix of self-love back at the mansion? “I am
better than all the other girls,” she smirks. One win after weeks of losing,
and this girl is gonna ride it like its stolen.
picture wasn’t that great, Fo and Aminat grouse. But any further juicy
Sandra-bashing is interrupted by the arrival of Toccara from Cycle 3, one of
the more likeable gals to cruise thru the series. She is there to have one of
those heart talks with the girls about how important personality is in a Top
Model. (Did Naomi Campbell get that memo?) She is sweet and fun, but when she
leaves she admits none of the girls are especially memorable. Ouch.
girls are summoned for a training session … with Benny Ninja! Benny is fun
and dramatic, but homey’s poses are not modeling. Given this show is not
usually about modeling, we’re good: I
love Mr. Ninja. The girls have a pose-off, set to music, which is some mighty cringe-inducing
television. Celia and Aminat redeem themselves, but dang, watching any of the
rest of them was just too painful for words. They’ve got some learning to do.
they’d better do it fast, because that evening they’ll be put to the test. Now,
this test is one of the most bizarre things I have ever seen. “Tonight is an
event for the fashion elite of New York,” Benny exclaims, a suspect statement when
it comes to ANTM. The girls will be dressed in duds from The Blonds: mister and
missus from the looks of it, tho the missus does appear to be a man underneath that
hair and make-up. Next, our aspiring models will have a few seconds to strike a
number of poses on the catwalk while being cheered or booed by the assembled
the competition begins, I wonder if the fashion elite of New York are uniformly
young, handsome gay men dressed in J. Crew and the women who love them (plus a
couple queens seriously bringing the Boy George thing). But we mustn’t linger
on that as the posing begins: a few pleasant surprises, some bombs — hello,
Sandra — and Natalie and Celia as the two finalists. In a pose-off it’s Celia
for the win.
at the house, Tahlia delves deeply into a pity party. She wants to leave. The
competition is hard. She’s not cut out for this. Her dress is too tight. She
is, in fact, one of the biggest downers of all time. Celia declares it would be
a travesty if anyone else got sent home when Tahlia is so clearly out of the
game … foreshadowing! And for once I must amen Natalie when she observes Tahlia
is happy to be there when she’s doing well, but quickly gives up when she’s
not. Way to compete, Tahlia.
photo shoot is cool. The clothes and vibe are Ellis Island-inspired, the camera
is one of those old ones that you need to stay really still for, and the previous
training/challenge actually comes into play.
of the models are learning — Teyona, Allison, and Tahlia — while others are
fading right out of the shot. “Sandra is one of my biggest disappointments to
date,” Mr. Jay snipes. London and Natalie have the foresight to create
characters for themselves, but it’s clear based on Jay’s direction this one
might be rough-going for some of the girls.
commences with 18 minutes left in the show. You know what means? There’s going
to be DRAMA.
looks “like a deer in headlights,” according to guest judge Benny, and he doesn’t
think Kortnie looks like a model at all. Nigel confesses he finds Kortnie super
hot, but the photos just don’t work … Tyra says she needs tension. Everyone loves Allison and her editorial look even
if she can’t pose so well, and Tahlia — yeah, her — blows everyone away with a
hot mamacita photo.
Tahlia’s lucky day: she’s called first while the other girls stare rays of
death at her. Sandra and Kortnie are the bottom two, and Kortnie gets the boot.
We do get a satisfyingly terrified look from Sandra, but victory is fleeting. No
doubt she will have a hundred reasons for why she is number one next week.
Celia steps up and tells the judges it isn’t fair for Kortnie to leave when
Tahlia is the one who has been saying she wants to go home.
cannot describe the look Tyra gives Celia. It’s like channeling Medusa, Sharon
Osbourne and a dragon all at once. “What is truly unfair,” she says slowly, so
even the dumbest among them may understand, “is you saying that to me.” She
rips Celia a short and sweet new one for being a tattletale, and Celia looks
like she might die.
the upside? Kortnie is a very gracious loser. As she leaves she smiles and say,
“hopefully the house won’t be too crazy once I leave.”
Kortnie. Don’t you know ANTM Rule #2? Give crazy unto the viewers. Next week
can’t get here fast enough.
photos: on purpose for once. Though not all the models’ shots were
excellent, I thought the photos were still pretty neat.
photo shoot was gorgeous. She was acting with her eyes; Tyra should have been
is quite the poser. As she got reamed by Tyra there at the end, I was hoping
she would burst into some poses and dazzle TyTy into submission.
Sandra’s attitude is back. Maybe she and Natalie can just keep trading off.
posing training session with the girls was just was brutal. Ouch.
am not condoning Celia stepping up and opening up her mouth about Tahlia. Don’t
be a snitch, Celia. But it’s not so very hard to imagine Tyra might care to
learn such a thing about one of the girls … so when she goes all wide-eyed and
Hannibal Lector on the girl, you just can’t help but feel a little sorry for
her. Was Tyra just mad she didn’t get to confront Tahlia about it first?
So sorry, Nijah, but Tyra could not make you into a supermodel: 53% of you said she needed to skedaddle, and 27% thought she should take Teyona’s old weave with along with her. (We had a bunch of write-ins for Natalie, and I can’t say I blame you.) Let’s rate this week’s drama.