Previously on America’s Next Top Model, the models were required to memorize lines and speak on camera, which is always a delightful trainwreck. We’re down to Elina, Marjorie, Sheena, Analeigh, Samantha and McKey. I have to say, I generally like all the girls left except Sam, so I hope she goes home.

We kick it off with our Sexy Six heading to Amsterdam. Daphne Deckers, the host of Holland’s Next Top Model, greets them at the airport. Wait, there are versions of this show all over the world?  Huh. She tells them to pick a partner and the first duo to complete a series of tasks and get to the house first will share 50 extra frames in the next shoot. It’s like ANTM meets Amazing Race. I like it. Can Phil and/or his dad make a cameo please?

The teams are Sheena/McKey, Majorie/Analeigh and Elina/Samantha. We see the following: models trying to use American money, models trying to navigate the trains, Elina running barefoot through a train station (hope her tetanus is up-to-date), the joys of using a foreign telephone, and finally Elina/Sam are first. So… what was the series of tasks? Take a train and use a telephone? No kung-fu fighting on the side of a building? This is not the Amazing Race-esque thing I was looking for.

At the house, Elina, Marjorie and Analeigh immediately hop into the tub all nekkid and have a va-jay-jay shaving party. Wow, maybe the Elina-lesbian-hookup thing I’m looking for is finally going to happen! The next day, the ladies head out to the Red Light District of Amsterdam (Roooooooxanne!) and Sheena interviews that she’s nervous about her hooch-factor being on overdrive in this challenge.

The girls are greeted by the Jays, who explains about a project in place to convert brothels into fashion display houses. They divide the girls into pairs (Sheena/Marjorie, McKey/Sam and Elina/Analeigh). They will compete against each other in modeling in the windows of these shops. McKey and Sam get a doll’s house theme. Sam astutely comments, "The fact that you can, like, sell women is, like, very degrading to me." Yeah well, the fact that you say "like" so much is degrading to ME. Elina and Analeigh get outfits that are romantic gowns that turn into jackets so the women can sit on bicycles. Oookay. Sheena and Marjorie get kind-of a Blade Runner-punk-rock look.

Analeigh has a helluva time, getting her dress caught on the decorations in her window. McKey and Sam do a nice job coveying the "doll" look and interact well together. Marjorie kills her poses, being edgy and ugly and contorted. Sheena doesn’t commit quite as much, looking a little too prostitutey. The winning team gets to walk in Amsterdam Fashion Week shows. The designers pick… McKey and Sam. Back at the house, Elina and Sam get into a stupid fight about prostitution. It’s dumb and barely a blip on the radar.

For the photoshoot, the girls are wearing mid-century dress and being photographed on a boat. McKey is up first and her make-up is terrifying. Her eyes look like black holes in her face. Samantha is, like, WHOA (her words, not mine) and wears a fugly plaid jacket. Sheena stradles the boom, which is not a euphemism. Elina looks gorgeous in a black dress and has a terrific presence in the shoot. McKey and Sheena talk about her on the sly about how she’s ugly on the inside. Well, what are you for talking about her, hmm?  Analeigh makes some AWESOME poses from drawing on her figure skating background. Finally, Marjorie takes some great constructive criticism and has some very cool poses.

At panel, Tyra is sporting some real springer spaniel hair. Eek. Elina is called first, looking very Slutty Sandy from Grease. Her best shot has the best blue sky in the background and it makes her eyes really pop. It’s a great picture, though. Next is Sheena, whose picture is not great. Her face is nice but the pose is terrible. I fear for Sheena. Third is Analeigh and her picture rules. Billowing dress, strong arms… except for her face. I don’t love the expression on her face.

Fourth is Mckey and… is she wearing a chainmail vest? Does she fear being challenged to a joust at panel? Anyway, her picture is awesome. Her legs look six feet long, her face looks beautiful and her eyes DO NOT look like soulless holes in her face. Fifth is Marjorie, whose picture is great. Her body is bent over and powerful and her expression is gorgeous. Last is Samantha. Ugh, I hate her. She wears a pink sweater and a mini-skirt to panel and it’s bad. Mr. Jay ends up taking his pants off to try to help her. Yikes. Moving on, her picture is crazy. She’s profile, with kind-of a swooping bat pose. I don’t like it, but the judges do. I fear for Sheena.

The judges discuss the girls. Elina gets good reviews in general. Sheena gets mixed comments. McKey and Analeigh both get raves. With Marjorie, they like her change from Bambi in real-life to amazing model in pictures. Samantha gets good comments on her picture, but they don’t like her in person because she’s too commercial.

Judgment time. Tyra calls McKey first, which is awesome. She wanted to get First Picture and she did! Next is Analeigh, no big surprise. Third is Marjorie and fourth is Samantha. Noooooo! Noooooo! I like both Sheena and Elina, that is so disappointing! Samantha sucks! Booooo, ANTM! Tyra tells Elina that she takes a pretty picture but that they don’t see a model in front of them, plus she’s so stiff in photos that her good shot ends up being luck. Tyra then tells Sheena that she’s awesome in person but her photos have been hit or miss. The one who stays is… Elina. Aww. What a bummer! I like Sheena, she adds some attitude and vibrancy to the show. She is gracious in going home and hugs Tyra sincerely. That’s cool.

Next week, Tyra is the photographer. Heh heh.

Posted by:Andrea Reiher

TV critic by way of law school, Andrea Reiher enjoys everything from highbrow drama to clever comedy to the best reality TV has to offer. Her TV heroes include CJ Cregg, Spencer Hastings, Diane Lockhart, Juliet O'Hara and Buffy Summers. TV words to live by: "I'm a slayer, ask me how."