ann coulter hates soccer getty Ann Coulter hates soccer because it's foreign, teamwork is important and women can be good at it, essentiallyAnn Coulter’s not for real, right? Surely she’s running some kind of “Colbert Report”-like satire, right? That has to be it, because there is no way her latest column is serious. (Except it is, which is scary.)

With the World Cup 2014 currently taking place in Brazil and airing nearly every day in the U.S., Coulter has decided it’s time for her to weigh-in about the sport of soccer. Her column includes these observations:

“Individual achievement is not a big factor in soccer. … There are no heroes, no losers, no accountability and no child’s fragile self-esteem is bruised. … Do they even have MVPs in soccer? Everyone just runs up and down the field and, every once in a while, a ball accidentally goes in.”

Has Coulter even ever watched a soccer match? Because absolutely none of that is true. Case in point, the spectacular header by Netherlands’ Robin van Persie that everyone was instantly calling one of the best plays of the entire World Cup tournament. Or the USA’s Tim Howard, who was absolutely the MVP of the US-Germany match Thursday (June 26) because he held one of the best teams in the tournament to one goal.

Coulter: “Liberal moms like soccer because it’s a sport in which
athletic talent finds so little expression that girls can play with
boys. No serious sport is co-ed, even at the kindergarten level. … In soccer, the women’s games are as thrilling as the men’s.”

Her observations here about women’s soccer are correct — we’ll confess that soccer is one of few sports that both genders play where the women’s games as exciting as the men’s games. But why is she presenting this as a negative thing? Isn’t that something to be celebrated?

But Coulter really gets rolling in talking about how “foreign” soccer is (and therefore evil).

“If more ‘Americans’ are watching soccer today, it’s only because
of the demographic switch effected by Teddy Kennedy’s 1965 immigration
law. I promise you: No American whose great-grandfather was born here is
watching soccer. One can only hope that, in addition to learning
English, these new Americans will drop their soccer fetish with time.”

We repeat: This woman cannot be real, right?

Posted by:Andrea Reiher

TV critic by way of law school, Andrea Reiher enjoys everything from highbrow drama to clever comedy to the best reality TV has to offer. Her TV heroes include CJ Cregg, Spencer Hastings, Diane Lockhart, Juliet O'Hara and Buffy Summers. TV words to live by: "I'm a slayer, ask me how."