We’re almost there. The networks are nearly finished unveiling their new fall shows and viewers have already had a look at the best of the bunch (“Nashville,” “Last Resort,” “The Mindy Project”). So why not tune in for one of the worst?
It may sound ridiculous to recommend a terrible show in a review, but seriously, The CW’s “Beauty and the Beast” is so bad it has to be seen. So here are four reasons to tune in, or at least set your DVR:
1) The least believable cops in TV history
Former “Smallville” leading lady Kristin Kreuk returns to The CW as urban homicide detective Catherine Chandler. She witnessed her mother’s brutal murder years earlier and decided to devote her life to booking bad guys. That’s plausible, but casting Kreuk? Not so much. It’s a little like asking McKayla Maroney or Demi Lovato to play a tough, savvy detective. Even on a network where Rachel Bilson has dreams of being a cardio-thoracic surgeon, Kreuk’s tough girl act is a stretch. (And at least “Hart of Dixie” is mostly a comedy.) Catherine’s partner (played by Nina Lisandrello) also looks like she’d be more at home on “America’s Next Top Model.” Charlie’s Angels would look at these two and laugh.
2) The best looking “beast” we’ve ever seen
Why bother revisiting (or reinventing, or whatever) the classic “Beauty and the Beast” story if you don’t even want to ugly-up your leading man? The “beast” here is played by New Zealand actor Jay Ryan (you may recognize him from three episodes of “Terra Nova”), and he’s basically your run-of-the-mill CW pretty boy except… he has a scar! A barely noticable, rather badass, scar that could be easily explained from his days in the military, but nonetheless a scar. At least someone was smart enough to truly disfigure Alex Pettyfer in that terrible movie “Beastly.” Not so here. However, there are hints that Ryan’s beast may be more of a, you know, emotional monster. His deep dark secret involves some nefarious military experiments and when he gets angry, he kind of Hulks out. So he may be easy on the eyes, but he’s not always easy to be around. How will love ever overcome such an obstacle!?!
3) It’s only loosely inspired by the late ’80s CBS series, “Beauty and the Beast”
Despite the enduring cult following for the Ron Perlman/Linda Hamilton “Beauty and the Beast,” it’s actually a relief that this one isn’t set in the sewers and inspired by melodramatic romance novels. We’re not saying it’s actually better because of it, but it’s not just a carbon copy, and that’s… something. Also, Linda Hamilton never went all Jason Bourne on three attackers in a subway (and if she had, it would’ve been a lot less hilarious than watching Kreuk do the same).
4) The dialogue is positively Shakespearean
“You have a blind spot for douches!” sounds like a line from “Hamlet,” right?
So, really, what do you have to lose? And if you’re on the East Coast, all the other networks will be busy airing the Vice Presidential debate. Paul Ryan or Jay Ryan? The choice is yours…