At long last, Beyonce and Jay-Z are set to provide the world with music’s next prince or princess. Considering that the couple’s most recent annual joint earnings came it $72 million, we do not think this baby will want for much. So aside from the obvious (chinchilla fur diapers, Swarovski crystal bottle), here are some bolder predictions for the life and times of baby hip-hop.
- Beyonce will have a water birth — and by that we mean she will give birth on the deck of a yacht.
- If the child is a girl, they will name it Burberry. If the child is a boy, they will name it Burberry for Men.
- At Burberry’s first birthday party, Kanye West will get so jealous for attention that he will blow out all of Burberry’s candles and throw a temper tantrum. Beyonce will give Kanye one of Burberry’s presents and this will calm him down.
- While other kids spend their summer at space camp, little Burberry will fly into actual space on Virgin Galactic.
- Thanks to a wardrobe provided exclusively by Dereon Girls, Burberry is named People Magazine’s Sexiest Kid. People Magazine is promptly placed under arrest.
- Upon turning 15, Burberry will ask for a new car. Jay-Z will not want to spoil the youngster so instead, Burberry will have to settle for a used Bugatti Veyron that Jay had up on cinder blocks in the backyard.
- Despite a sterling 2.3 GPA, Burberry will be rejected from Princeton. A furious Jay-Z will buy the college and rename it “Roc A Fella presents…Princeton: A Higher Learning Joint.” Burberry will graduate “wit honorz.”
- Burberry will meet Maddox Jolie-Pitt at a Source Awards after party. The chemistry is instant and the two marry after only three months of dating.
- Completing the circle of life, Burberry and Maddox will give birth to a child that they name “509” after the long distance country code for Haiti. Every time 509 makes a phone call, $10 will be donated to the American Red Cross.
We welcome any additional prognostications you may have.