Jordan_bigbrother11_290 Last week ‘Big Brother 11‘ ended with intrigue and excitement and Ronnie finally being booted from the house. Can the start of this week top that?

That depends. How much of a Jeremy Piven fan are you? But I am getting ahead of myself. The show starts as per usual, with the violet tinged montage of the BB that was last week. Including Michele’s dreadful attempt at playing the game, Ronnie naming her the worst person he’s ever met and Jeff winning the “coop dee tah”. Kevin assures Michele that Ronnie was just bitter about her vote being the swing that tossed him from the house, and everyone else wonders who has the mystery power. Chima is the new HoH and Russell prepares to undertake in some superior a$$ kissing.

Meanwhile, Lydia gets prepared to go back on the block, since Chima is aligned with Jessie and Natalie, and Natalie hates her with the white hot burning passion of a thousand suns. Why? Over Jessie. It’s quite inexplicable. Russell apologizes to Chima for blowing up at her and she reminds him that she said if she won HoH, she was sending him home. He tells her to not make her game play a personal issue and that he wouldn’t go after her if the roles were reversed. The difference being that Russell is actually a strong player while Chima is not much of a threat, so her going after his is smart strategy as well as personally fulfilling. 

We get a peak at Jeff and Jordan watching a spider spin a web, sparking this brilliant exchange:

Jordan: What do they make their webs out of?
Jeff: Um. Web.
Jordan: Where does it comes from? I mean, like, does it come out of their butts?
Jeff: Their wrists, like Spider-man.
Jordan: Nu-uh!
Jeff: Yeah. It’s so symmetrical, see?

I think it’s unlikely that Jordan knows what ‘symmetrical‘ means. She goes on to ask how spiders learn to make webs, that she doesn’t think she could learn to do it, and hey – how do spiders “do it”, anyway? Apropos of nothing, she says that horses “do it” from behind. Jeff asks what she spends her days thinking about. Horse sex, apparently. Good luck, Jeff!

There is a strange cut away to Chima, sharing with the other HGs about how she was beaten and raped by a serial killer 10 years ago. I am left to marvel at how much courage she has in telling her story. And how little courage CBS has, since this moment occurred in the house weeks ago. They shoe-horn it in between Jordan being a ditz and Jeremy Piven arriving, with as little gravity as possible, keeping it attached to nothing and taken completely out of context. One of the most difficult things about surviving rape is how it is such an unspeakable topic. CBS did next to nothing to improve that by not allowing the dialog to air in at least some semblance of actuality. Way to go, execs.

So, Jeremy Piven arrives to cross promote his new movie ‘The Goods’. Which I have never heard of. And don’t plan to see based on the trailer. Which is right in line with the fact that I always change the channel when ‘Entourage‘ comes on too. I am starting to think of it as my own personal tradition. Anyway, the winning team for today’s Luxury Competition gets to see ‘The Goods’. And since apparently that isn’t enough to inspire actual competition, they can win $10,000 as well.

The random and self-chosen teams must load up old station wagons with various junk items tagged with numbers and then cram themselves in the car. The team with the highest number wins the movie screening, the chance at the money and are The Haves. Chima is hosting and based on which team she aligns with, she can also reap those rewards. The losing team are the Have Nots. Chima goes with the team that has Jessie and Natalie, Russell and Jordan. Natalie says this is because she knows they are winners – which is amusing, since Natalie hasn’t won a single thing on the show. All the same, thanks to Jordan being unwilling to give up a teddy bear, they do win. And Russell gets the money.

Lydia tries hanging out with Jessie again, only to have Natalie “steal him away” (Lydia’s words). Natalie goes on a tirade at Jessie, about how Lydia will back-stab her in a heart beat and that if he was really true to the alliance he wouldn’t talk to her and if Lydia puts her up on the block she will blame him and it will be “World War V in this place!” I’m guessing history is not a subject Natalie is familiar with. At least she is aware of the fact that we haven’t hit double digits with the world wars yet.

The Nomination Ceremony is as predictable as they come. Chima puts Russell and Lydia up. And Jeff claims that in the end, he’s the one who decides who really goes home… but in this scenario, it would seem that doing nothing would again be in his best interest, sadly.  Which means that we may get another week of predictability, at least. Then again, maybe Lydia can give up more of her snazzy ‘momma bear versus lone wolf’ metaphors.

Let’s imagine Jeff does use his wizard power. Who would you want to see gone? I want Natalie out of the house post haste, personally.

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Posted by:Jessica Paff