bb 13 superheroes 'Big Brother 13': Keith or Porsche, who's out first? And who's the new HOH?Time for the first live “Big Brother 13” episode. Who do you think goes home? I’m predicting Keith, though I wish it was Porsche. She’s annoying and Keith’s manic-ness and paranoia is great TV. Also – I dig Julie Chen’s pink suit. But first …

Pre-Elimination Scheming

Keith tries to be nice to Porsche after Brenchel chooses not to use the POV, but she shuts that down in a heartbeat. Man, she is a not-nice-word. Meanwhile, the Veterans finally take their socks off and start counting and realize that they need to make friends with the newbies to swing a few more over.

Big Bookie! Big Bookie, Big Bookie, Big Bookie

So we now have the Brenchel fight o’ the day – Rachel has some wine and calls Brendon “bookie,” which is her pet name for him. The plinky plunky strains of romance play – I like to imagine it’s Julie Chen just off screen tickling the ol’ ivories. Brendon says her nickname makes their relationship a joke. Uh, no it doesn’t, dude. It’s a pet name. They’re always weird. You’re just embarrassed that now everybody knows Rachel calls you something that rhymes with “dookie.”

The bookie stuff continues into the next day, with Rachel crying and apologizing and Brendon feeling “demasculitized.” Heh. Now, whether I agree with the first half of this statement or not, Rachel nails it when she says, “You have a hot, beautiful fiancee who is in love with you, who is smart, who calls you bookie. If that’s the worst of your problems, then guess what? You don’t have problems.”  Brendon, instead of admitting that he was just embarrassed a little, tries to say it’s because he’s trying to be a medical professional. Um, dude. You’re on “Big Brother” for the second time and “BOOKIE” is what worries you about appearing unprofessional?

Golden Oldies

The Veterans see what I saw at the press day and start targeting Shelly as an alliance member. She’s awesome and smart, they should get her locked up if they want to get some numbers. They also start working off the groundwork Evel Dick laid for Adam. Jeff comes up with the good idea to let Adam name their alliance, which is exactly the kind of thing a fanboy like Adam is going to go nuts over.

Meanwhile, Cassi is campaigning hard to keep Keith because Porsche is going to be a vote for the Veterans. Kalia says what a lot of the newbies are thinking – they’re afraid to go against the Veterans’ vote, despite having the numbers to do whatever they want! Daniele, Jeff, Jordan and maybe Brendon (I’m not sure if he votes) are the only Veteran votes, so the newbies can keep whomever they want to keep! But everybody’s so scared of the Vets. It’s gross.

Evel Dick’s message

So Evel Dick taped a message for the houseguests assuring them all that he and his family and girlfriend are OK. Julie puts Daniele on the spot after the message by like demanding she say “I love you” to her dad. God, Julie! Shut up, lady!

Needless video recap of the luxury competition.

Um, it’s hilarious how Adam acts like casting “someone who likes METAL” is super controversial or something. You’re not a two-headed leper, dude.

The Vote

Keith gives a short speech, Porsche blathers. Dominic votes Porsche, Brendon votes Keith, Jordan votes Keith, Cassi votes Porsche, Lawon votes Porsche, Jeff votes Keith, Daniel votes Keith, Adam votes Porsche, Kalia votes Keith (!) and Shelly votes … Keith! Wow, after Adam went Porsche I thought that would go differently.

Keith’s Exit Interview

Keith is pretty shocked he got eliminated, which – you were on the block and you THREW THE POV, dude. Julie calls him out and poor Keith doesn’t have much to say. He got a crappy partner and he didn’t play a smart game. His goodbye messages from the other houseguests are hilarious. At least Keith’s a good sport. And did Lawon just drop a “BOOM goes the dynamite”? That’s excellent.

Head of Household competition

C’mon newbies! Let’s make it interesting. The HOH comp involves a putting game that the houseguests got a few nights ago, so they could practice. The houseguests are aiming for numbers, the lower the better. Dominic gets a six and leads at first and then Kalia ties him, but Jordan gets the lead with a three and wins HOH. Drats.

So the Veterans are safe for another week. Don’t forget to sign up for the live feeds%name 'Big Brother 13': Keith or Porsche, who's out first? And who's the new HOH? so you don’t miss a moment of “Big Brother” this summer.  

Questions for Keith? Leave ’em in the comments, I send the email questions off to him at midnight PT.

Posted by:Andrea Reiher

TV critic by way of law school, Andrea Reiher enjoys everything from highbrow drama to clever comedy to the best reality TV has to offer. Her TV heroes include CJ Cregg, Spencer Hastings, Diane Lockhart, Juliet O'Hara and Buffy Summers. TV words to live by: "I'm a slayer, ask me how."