porsche rachel big brother 13 'Big Brother 13': Rachel Reilly or Porsche Briggs, who won the money?So it all comes down to Porsche Briggs, Adam Poch and Rachel Reilly in the “Big Brother 13” house. Who do you think takes it? According to our poll, Rachel is the clear-cut winner in a landslide. We shall see.

Head of Household Competition

In case you don’t follow the live feeds, the show shows us the first round of the HOH – which in an incredible display of weakness, took about 45 minutes. People were joking all over twitter that the next round should be things like who can stay seated the longest or who can sleep the longest. Seriously, this was weak sauce.

But anyway, so Rachel wins. The second round involves placing “Big Brother” contestant heads along a wall in a giant water tank in order they were HOHs. Porsche says it’s a lot harder than it looks, but honestly – that looks pretty hard.

Adam ends up wasting time having to go get his goggles that he took off and threw on the ground. Wow, dude. Really? You couldn’t just hang them around your neck? Anyway, so Porsche wins 3:50 to 6:05.

Porsche and Rachel have a Final 2 deal and they are both counting on that, but Adam knows strategically he’s the better bet to take to the finals, so that’s his card to play.

Jury Discussion

Kalia and Jordan show up after the double eviction week. Jordan is campaigning hard for Rachel to win and they argue about whether she deserves to win. They make good points on both sides for her. The Vets have no reasons for Porsche to win. Jeff and Jordan can’t see how she did anything, yet they think Adam deserves it over her because he was loyal. Well, to you guys. He didn’t do crap in the game. Dani points out that Adam has created a new type of player – the piggybacker. Heh. Then it devolves into Kalia and Jeff yelling at each other. Sigh.

Final Head of Household

Julie’s use of “whom” is distracting. I know it’s proper, but it’s still weird. Like she’s emphasizing her good grammar. Anyway, it’s Porsche vs. Rachel time. Personally, I think either of them would be foolish to take the other to the end. Adam is so beatable.

Anyway, they are given statements made by the jury and get two possible endings. They must decide the ending. MOst points at the end wins. Question 1 is Brendon: “The moment in the house that I’m afraid to have my friends and family see is … A) the moment I was evicted the second time or B) not doing better in endurance competitions. I say B. And so do both girls and we are all wrong. Ha.

Question 2 is Danielle: “Most shocking moment in the house was … A) Brendon being voted back in the game or B) Her dad not coming back.” I say A and so does Porsche. The answer is B, so Rachel gets a point.

Question 3 is Shelly: “The fatal error I made was … A) Turning against Jeff and Jordan or B) Voting to evict Jeff one week too soon.” I say B, but both girls say A. The answer is B, so that’s a point for me.

Queston 4 is Jeff: “Best thing about being in the house was … A) Spending the summer with Jordan or B) Getting rid of Danielle.” I say B and so do the girls, without hesitation, which gets a laugh from the audience. But Jeff says A and we all lose. Ha.

Question 5 is Kalia: “The biggest lie told in the house was … A) Adam was loyal to the newbies or B) Anything that came out of Shelly’s mouth.” I say B and so does Rachel, so she is the final HOH. Sigh.

I admit it. Rachel deserves to win. She played the best game. I just don’t like how unstable and horrible she has been to her houseguests. And if you ONLY watch the broadcasts, you have no idea. Watch the live feeds sometime. Ughhh.

Rachel starts crying really hard and – hey, don’t smudge your gallon of eye makeup, lady.

The Eviction

Porsche and Adam give their speeches, but honestly, Rachel would be stupid to take Porsche. Porsche has a shot at winning. Adam really does not. The hard part is is that based on the feeds, Rachel knows that she has neither of these people votes if she evicts them. Then in her goodbye speech before the eviction, she insists she played the game “100% by [herself].” Um, only with a fiance, who got to come back, plus two other Veterans, plus a Pandora’s Box that helped you! Don’t be ridiculous. See, this is why I can’t stand Rachel. Her lack of self-awareness is maddening.

She blathers on for like five minutes, then finally evicts Adam. Wow. I was sure she would keep Adam because she knows she can beat him. The fact that she didn’t keep him as a sure bet raises her esteem in my eyes.

In his exit interview, Adam insists he would’ve won if he was in the Final 2 and Julie just laughs and laughs. Um, don’t be ridiculous, dude. Nobody wants to hand you $500,000.

The Interrogation

Brendon asks Rachel about her hurtful things that had nothing to do with strategy, giving her a chance to apologize. She says she should be rewarded based on game play. Jordan asks Porsche what she did besides wearing a bikini and cooking. She says she got the Golden Key week one, which was not her choice and she competed in as may competitions as she was allowed to. Good answer and true.

Kalia asks Rachel what she did besides winning competitions. Rachel says she was nominated the most, was on the block five times and that she made big moves in the game. Shelly asks Porsche when she started playing the game and what her big moves were. She says she started playing week one and has made her big game moves since fast forward.

The Speeches

Rachel argues that she was a huge target and had to win all the time, which is a good argument. She was the best player, for sure. But how you treat people is a consideration and she treated people horribly. I don’t enjoy that. There’s lying and strategy and then there’s just being awful.  

Porsche argues that she played a social game, she won four competitions and you can count on her to do something good with the money. Hmm. I’m not sure I would argue that.

The Vote

Brendon says he’s proud of Rachel and loves her as he obviously votes for her. Danielle says she adores Porsche and that Rachel is lucky this is not a personality contest, which is actually true. Jeff goes, “I don’t have anything cute to say.” Heh. Shelly says she’s proud, it’s a game, loves their heart and good luck. Kalia says something weird. Jordan congratulates them, tells Rachel she’s missed her. Adam, who I actually think may be the deciding vote, preens about how he should’ve won and then votes.

The Non-Jury Losers

Evel Dick, Cassi, Keith, Dominic and Lawon are back. Evel Dick is not in love with Danielle’s game play – she does not love his criticizing. Shelly also gets called out by Cassi as being so sneaky, but Jeff chimes in that they have repaired stuff.

The Winner

The votes go Brendon for Rachel, Danielle for Porsche, Jeff for Rachel, Shelly for Rachel, Kalia for Porsche, Jordan for Rachel and she’s the winner. I’m kinda surprised Shelly was for Rachel.

Big hugs, confetti, Porsche runs off and hugs Kalia and Danielle. I wonder who Adam voted for? We find out Adam voted for Porsche. Wow, Shelly. Wow.

The America’s Player prize goes to Jeff. Seriously?! I hate America. Jeff is fine, but if you watch the live feeds, he is not nearly as awesome as he gets an edit for on “Big Brother.” Ugh.

So there you have it. Former houseguests came back and won the game and America’s Play
er. Maybe next year we can get back to NOT bringing back old reality contestants, like this show, “Survivor” and “The Amazing Race” have been doing.

What do you think, “Big Brother” fans?

Posted by:Andrea Reiher

TV critic by way of law school, Andrea Reiher enjoys everything from highbrow drama to clever comedy to the best reality TV has to offer. Her TV heroes include CJ Cregg, Spencer Hastings, Diane Lockhart, Juliet O'Hara and Buffy Summers. TV words to live by: "I'm a slayer, ask me how."