It’s time for the second eviction on “Big Brother 14,” though it will actually be the fourth person to leave the house in like two weeks. Kind of ridiculous, that. Who do you think is going home, JoJo or Danielle? We would have said Danielle after the last aired episode, but now after watching the live feeds, we think it’s JoJo leaving. She’s gotten kind of ugly in her week on the block, not the least of which is her calling Danielle fat, essentially. Which is pretty gross (and not true).
The showmance narrative is now JoJo and Shane instead of Shane and Danielle. He’s actually not really having a showmance with anyone. But Ian’s crack that Shane’s trying to “board the Staten Island Ferry” actually made me laugh out loud. That was excellent.
And when Danielle gets wind of Shane flirting with JoJo, she is unhappy. Of course, since nobody is really showmancing anybody yet, this is all kind of absurd. Speaking of absurd, Ashley the Dingbat’s commentary about “emancipated” Shane, who is now so skinny he’s started to get “introverted” is also laugh-out-loud funny, though not in the same way as Ian’s good joke.
However, the Shane/JoJo talk gets back to Janelle and she is on it — because showmances are dangerous.
Britney tells JoJo she needs to play it cool and not smack talk about ANYBODY this week. Which of course means JoJo turns around and starts calling Danielle fat. Because JoJo is dumb.
The Willie Debrief
Let’s stop acting like Willie snapped and stabbed Joe or something. And Joe needs to stop yelling. He is obnoxious. And for crying out loud, Julie asks Ian about “being in the bathroom” in the same tone of voice you might ask someone about “being in the Towers” or “being on the grassy knoll” or some such actual tragedy. This is kind of gross.
The Will Insight
We love us some Dr. Will, but this is kind of dumb. What he says about Dan is hilarious, though. And the Ian prediction is not a terrible one, though we aren’t sure he won’t overthink everything a little farther into the game.
JoJo’s “love me or hate me” shirt is so apropos — did you ever notice how people who say that people either love them or hate them generally are not very well-liked? It’s like that’s what they tell themselves because they have no friends. Oh my god, why is Danielle dressed like a beauty queen? She is so, “I’d have to say April 25th. Because it’s not too hot, not too cold. All you need is a light jacket.”
The votes almost go unanimously to evict JoJo — Shane is the only one who goes the other way, which is actually kind of dumb because the reason he got targeted this week was for going against the house. In this case, though, we suppose a pity vote so it wasn’t unanimous is understandable.
JoJo’s Exit Interview
She seems to operate under the delusion that doing third- or fourth-best in a competition makes her more deserving than Danielle. Certainly, challenges are important, but you also have to be likable and social, not obnoxious and abrasive. Shane’s goodbye message about their “making out conversations” and “good dreams” really makes him look like a meathead. Stop it, Shane. You’re better than that.
The HOH Competition
It’s one of those games where they try to get the highest score after shooting one shot, this one has an ice hockey theme. The scores go Ashley 4, Joe 3, Jenn 0, Ian 9, Wil 2, Shane with a great bank shot into the 20 and Danielle 12. Wow, way to go Shane! That was impressive.
Gosh, it’s fun to speculate about who he targets. We would have to think it’s like Wil and Joe. He promised not to nominate Frank, though that was in exchange for Frank not putting Danielle up as a replacement nominee, so perhaps that is out the window. If that’s the case, then Wil and Frank would be good targets.
What do you think, hamster fans? Are you going to vote for the coaches to enter the game? Frankly, we don’t want them to because it’s what CBS always wanted all along and maybe that’ll teach them about dumb twists, but on the other hand — they’re running out of players. Maybe if everybody votes “no,” they’ll bring back some of the evicted players instead. Or maybe CBS will add the coaches regardless of how “America’s Vote” comes out.