We start with our Big Brother 8 previouslys, as always, to assuage any fears you may have had that you missed something. Nick got kissyface, Dustin became HoH, Amber cried, Dick tried to talk to Daniele, Daniele took a ride in the waaaahmbulance, and in the end Dustin put up Jen and Kail on the elimination block. All caught up!

We start with Jen crying because she’s nominated again. Apparently, she thought Nick or Zach would be up against Kail. Perhaps if she were less self involved and had an accurate picture of how unpleasant and snotty she is, this nomination wouldn’t come as a shock. And then I wouldn’t have to watch her sit on the bathroom floor and cry. And correct every person who comes in to comfort her, rolling her eyes and saying "I am NOT crying about the nomination. I’m just hurt" in a tone that is pure exasperation. GOD! Why would someone think she was crying about the nomination? JEEZ.

Dustin talks to Kail and tells her that Zach is his real target. Who is Zach again? Oh right, the one I keep mistaking for a tree. Honestly, Dustin will be happy if Jen, Kail, Zach or Nick goes home, so really he’s just making sure she doesn’t get mad at him, and possibly retaliate later. For whatever reason, Kail appears to buy what he says hook, line and sinker. Which makes no sense to me. If he wanted Zach out, why would he purposefully not put Zach on the block?  Whatever, she admits she’s still nervous about being a pawn because they tend to be sent home quickly.

Amber pulls Dustin aside next and tells him that she thinks Jen faked her crying to play Nick. Dustin counters that he thinks Zach, Nick and Jen are an alliance. As they discuss this, Amber tells Dustin he "might be able to back door Nick" and I have to leave the room.

OK, I’m better now. Just in time for the PoV competition! The three random contestants joining our HoH and nominees are Daniele, Jameka and Jessica with Eric taking hosting duties again. Jameka reveals that she thinks the fact that Jen pulled her name out of the bag is spiritually significant and that it is God’s way of telling her to save Jen from elimination. I’ve heard the phrase "God works in mysterious ways". I didn’t realize He did so on inane reality television.

Jameka and Kail curl up on a lounge in the back and confirm each other’s faith, congratulating themselves on the knowledge that God has already chosen the winner and they are just taking the steps he put in front of them. Organ music swells in the background as Jameka rises to spread the good news. When she tells Dick the outcome of the game is predetermined he asks her exactly what I am screaming at my television: "Then why play?" She pauses and then just repeats herself and he walks away. Jameka camera talks her frustration at not having an answer by saying "He calls himself Evil. Evil? What is THAT?" and according to my dictionary widget, "evil" is either the "profoundly immoral and malevolent" or something "extremely unpleasant." It then gives the example "a bathroom with an evil smell" and now I am wondering if Dick smells bad.

I don’t wonder for long, because Eric emerges from the house dressed in a beret and black turtleneck, handing out similar clothes to our contestants for the PoV competition. In the worst game yet, the HGs will have to look at pictures that are visual representations of Big Brother phrases. If they interpret the image correctly, they earn Big Brother Cash, and if they are wrong, they get eliminated from the game. Whoever ends with the most cash, wins. Daniele starts out strong, correctly interpreting two images made with crayon. Apparently the art department has already blown their budget for the season.

Daniele is soon eliminated and the contestants are given the option to buy a trip for two to Barbados. Which, to the shock of everyone, Dustin does. Yet, he quickly gains the lead, and seems like the sure win … until they are offered the chance to buy $5000 … which Dustin does again. Jen throws the only question she tries to answer, and Jameka wins by default more than anything. Amber immediately starts crying.

The game over, Dick confronts Dustin outside on why he took the cash and prizes, knowing Jameka was going to save Jen. Dustin admits that he was being selfish and we get to see more of Amber sobbing as if some careless driver had just ran over her puppy while on the way to deliver an eviction notice to her house, repo her car and let her know she was fired. I honestly cannot figure out half of what she’s saying. She talks through her tears to Jameka, hoping she won’t save Jen, but Jameka says she’s sticking to her word. Which I totally agree with – your should always stick to your word. But then Jameka adds "You see, God is so gangsta. That’s what I love about Him" and I nearly choke. Really? God slaps the bitches like it ain’t no thing?

Next, Dick confronts Jen. He mocks her for throwing the game and leaving it to Jameka to save her. Which makes no sense, because Jen had no real points and was not likely to win PoV and once Dustin opted for the cash, Jameka was the clear winner. However, Dick contends that her guess on the image interpretation was "retarded." Jen counters that it wasn’t a stupid guess and that she was playing just as hard as she always does. It occurs to me that she is arguing that she is more stupid than he thinks she is.  This moment has encapsulated all that this show is.

Speaking of ‘tards, Jessica is sitting around in Jen’s unitard for some reason, when Eric comes out to start his challenge as America’s Player. He has to get at least three people over the next five days to say "I’d do that for a dollar."  He works it into the conversation about three times, eventually taking tasks that involve him being stuffed into a large pillowcase and drug out into the yard and then jumping in the pool fully clothed. Once outside, he convinces Dick that he’s using the phrase to point out how all Amber’s sayings are annoying and Dick jumps on board, saying it once himself in the course of the evening. Not bad Eric!

The "Late Night Crew" (LNC – Eric, Dick, Dustin, Jameka, Jessica, Daniele) meet up in the HoH room to discuss the nominees. Given that the only people NOT in this group are Nick, Zach, Jen and Kail and two of them cannot be nominated, they are discussing the pros and cons of Nick and Zach. Most of them want to see Nick up on the block, which upsets Daniele. She whines that Jen "sucks at everything" and "lies to people and manipulates to get further in the game" which would matter if Jen could be nominated. Jameka is the only other one rooting for Zach to get the boot. Daniele cries in the confessional about how unfair it is because she has so few people on her side. Because Big Brother is all about community building.

At the ceremony, Jameka asks Jen and Kail to each plead their case and Jen stands up and with her best angelic expression says "I’ve always believed that everything happens for a reason" and I hold my breath waiting for Jameka’s gangster God to backhand her for fronting. Which sadly does not happen. Kail takes her turn and hems and haws about not wanting to say anything against her good friend Jen and I start to feel queasy. In the end, Jameka saves Jen just like she promised. Dustin, for his part, replaces her with Nick, just like he … wait. Never mind. Kail camera talks that she was supposed to be up against Zach and not Nick, the guy everyone loves.

I sigh and wish this episode had contained more Fosse-like dance moves. Perhaps when Kail gets eliminated on Thursday.

Posted by:Jessica Paff