The Big Brother 8 house is divided, the LNC is dead, Nerd Herd (the second coming) is kicking, and Jessica is the HoH! She nominated Dick and Daniele for eviction and Dick made it his purpose in life to make everyone hate him to take the heat of hid daughter. Which was unnecessary in the end, because he won the PoV and took her off the block himself. Dustin had volunteered to go up and Jessica took him up on it. Who will be evicted? Let’s find out!
Chen opens the show, looking very beige in what someone undoubtedly told her was "a sexy little off-the-shoulder number!" and in which she actually looks like an extra form Designing Women. We get a look at what happened after the PoV ceremony on Tuesday and listen to Dustin congratulate Daniele on being saved from eviction. She thanks him, but doesn’t thank her dad – the person who saved her skinny butt. That’s gratitude for you!
Dustin camera talks that he almost wishes Daniele were still on the block and that she would get evicted so that Dick would lose his mind. He mock cries "I lost my daughter for the 5th time! Maybe the 6th time! boo hoo!" He sure is empathic. He and Jessica head up to the HoH room, where she apologizes for putting him on he block and he says he knew it was coming. He also confessionals that he cut Daniele’s left leg off when got rid of Nick, and now he’s taking her right leg by evicting her dad. He finishes this by saying "What she got? Bitch got nuthin’!" in what I guess is his God impersonation.
Next up, we see Eric and Jessica in the HoH room, with Eric saying he’s sorry about not talking to her before the PoV ceremony. He’s sticking to his sickness story, which she completely buys, camera talking that she trusts him 100%. Is it really wise to trust anyone 100% in this game?
Zach tries to get on Jessica’s good side by cooking her dinner. That can get you on my good side too. Especially if you cook artichoke hearts. He uses his time with her to discuss strategy as well, noting that the house is likely to come to an even split with her vote being the deciding factor. Since her vote will be known, it could put her on the outs with whatever group she votes against, so to save her that fate he offers to vote whichever way she wants. Good God, he’s not as dumb as he looks!
It’s time for Eric to get his eviction assignment and we’ve pegged Dustin. Because we like making Eric’s job easier. He goes upstairs and crawls into the HoH bed with Jessica. He starts to ask what Zach said but when Jessica sits up and takes her shirt off, he trips over his words and stops making any coherent sense. I wish I could say that I am exaggerating, but I am not. She has a tank top on underneath the shirt and Eric admits he got flustered when it looked like she was getting undressed. She uses this opportunity to point out that they’re boobs. They discuss the options of evicting Dustin or Dick, until Jessica realizes they are no longer discussing her rack and she’s lost interest, so she kicks him out.
Outside, Dick approaches Eric and offers him an alliance. He says that neither he nor Daniele will put Eric or Jessica on the block until the final four if they swing the vote in favor of Dick. Eric promises to think it over, and when next he talks to Jessica he says he thinks they should evict Dustin. She asks why, and he points out that if they align with Dick and Daniele and evict Dustin this week, then the four of them can take out Zach, Jameka and Jen. Again, this line of logic has made way too much sense to me, and I feel a headache coming on.
We get our first live shot with the HGs and ChenBot says that Dick saved his daughter and asks if would have done this in the first week. He points out that in week 2 they were on the block together and she made him promise not to save her. She won the PoV that time and saved herself. Next, Julie robo-turns to Daniele and asks if she would have done the same for her dad. Daniele grins, letting us all immediately know there is no way in hell she would sacrifice herself for anyone, ever, and she stops just short of admitting that herself by saying "Luckily I wasn’t put in that situation … I would like to hope that I would do something like that, but luckily I wasn’t put in that situation." Again, that is not bad editing on my part, she said that twice. Most likely because she really likes saying "I".
ChenBot must be programmed to realize we went an episode without seeing Amber cry, so she asks her if there is anything she wants to say to her daughter. And here come the tears! Incoherency reigns as she says "I have this necklace around my neck and I hope you do well in school", two things which have nothing to do with each other. She rambles on for a few minutes, and then we are given a real treat.
The return of JOE!! The Chen asks him what he thinks of how Dustin has been playing the game and he says it’s been entertaining watching the downward spiral take place and see himself proved right, that Dustin is a self involved jerk. We see clips of when Dustin took the prizes, and then a new clip of Zach saying his bunny suit is helping him get his cardio up and Dustin shooting back "Will you look like this when you are done?" And I have to add "not if he’s lucky" under my breath. Sadly, I had high hopes for Joe saying something truly wonderful … but he doesn’t say anything remotely interesting much less truly bitchy. Woe.
Up in the HoH room Chen asks Jessica about her tears before the PoV ceremony, and she admits it was because she started doubting Dustin because of something Jen said. She really does need to stick to Eric because she has no mind of her own. Next, Chen asks if she has romantic feelings for Eric and she replies that she has a great time with him everyday and who knows, maybe outside the house there could be something but right now she is concentrating on the game. This could be our own Jordan and Peter in the making! I hate myself for knowing who those people are.
It’s time to cast votes. As usual, the nominees are given one last chance to state their peace. Dustin goes for the usual platitudes while Dick states that his only regret that Carol isn’t there to give him a "long, deep, wet kiss on my way out the door." Which … eww. She’s younger than his daughter. As the votes come out, only Amber and Jameka vote to evict Dick and when Chen monotones that Dustin is going home, his eyebrows go up and looks like he is about to say "What the hell are you talking about, Julie Chen?!" but thinks better of it and hugs everyone instead.
I take moment to be be grateful that we will not have to see Dustin’s awful grey v-neck shirt again. Or his manpris. Additionally, I am also be grateful that Eric’s fauxhawk is gone. The HGs must be joining me in giving silent thanks because no one is saying anything. At all. Not even Dick, who I would have expected to take this time to yell something inappropriate (yet entertaining!) at Jameka and Amber.
Instead Amber cries and Jameka retreats to bathroom before we go to our shot Dustin meeting ChenBot. He admits that he’s stunned he was evicted instead of Dick and that he regrets volunteering to go on the block. He blames it all on Eric and rightly feels certain that Amber and Jameka accounted for his votes. He also states that Joe is probably ecstatic right now, and I want to know why CBS doesn’t have a live camera on that boy so we can all enjoy the dance he is undoubtedly doing in his living room at this moment?
The best of the goodbye reel is Dick, who simply says "I pulled off biggest coup! HAHA!" Jameka frowns that there are shady people in the group, Eric says he expects to join him in the sequester house soon and Zach tells him like it is by stating his arrogance is a huge negative. Amber sobs and says how much she loves him. I swallow my bile.
It’s time for the HoH competition! Apparently, there were some visitors in the house last week, and we are shown clips of a little person dressed as the Mad Hatter spouting off cliches such as "What a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive", "3 can keep a secret if 2 are dead" and "a stitch in time saves 9 ", which causes Jen to groan "MORE things to remember?" I have to wonder if she’s talking about the cliche or the actual act of stitching time saving 9, and does she really even understand what that means? I somehow doubt it.
The HG’s follow the little man to the backyard where they see a pirate on stilts and a barbershop quartet. There is singing and stomping as the Mad Hatter chases the pirate. They should have gotten one of the cast members of Pirate Master. They aren’t doing much these days. The HGs can’t figure out what is going on, so they file back indoors to find a cage of bunnies with playing cards tied around their necks and a living statue posing in the corner. At this point, I would just go to back to bed.
But all of it plays into the competition, ingeniously named "Strange Visitors". The HGs are asked true/false questions about the visitors and the best thing that happens is during the very first question, when they all answer false, Jen answers true. She is told she’s eliminated from the competition and she whines "Ohmigod! I said false!" Daniele wins it all and as she runs and hugs her dad, we hear more of Jen grousing "But I picked false! I don’t know how it ended up as true!" and I don’t see how the HGs resist the urge to point and laugh at her.
Chen monotones the close of the show, asking Amber how she will feel with Dustin gone. Amber predictably starts crying and warbling something but Chen becomes my personal hero by abruptly cutting her off. Thank you for sparing my ears!