Just to get it out of the way … this is is a “Bones” recap, not a gossip post, so I’m going to leave discussion about David Boreanaz’s personal life to the pros. And obviously we have way bigger things to talk about right now, like…
Angela and Hodgins! Angela and Hodgins! I knew there would be a wedding this season, but I kinda assumed it would be Sweets and Daisy! I’ll admit I don’t follow spoilers too closely, but … did anyone see that coming tonight? It was already a fun little episode, but man, that’ll definitely get it into the history books.
Case of the Week: Firefighters out in the woods find a creepy old skeleton in a wedding dress in the remains of a burnt-out house. Brennan doubles their pleasure, doubles their fun by discovering a fresher skeleton, too. Skeleton #1 dates to the Salem Witch Trials, and has been grave robbed. Skeleton #2 is a witch too, but Zephyra was stabbed to death pretty recently. The local coven warns Booth and Brennan that Zephyra performed evil magic for profit, using human relics (like skeleton #1). Ewww.
Sweets — who at the very least must have been in his high school production of “The Crucible” — identifies skeleton #1 (through the type of torture that killed her … ugh) by reading Salem Witch Trial transcripts. Brennan: “YOU identified human remains?” Ha! Next thing you know, Brennan’s going to be talking about Hodgins’ Oedipal complex and analyzing Angela’s dreams… Anyway, seems the witch’s great-great-etc-granddaughter is in the local coven.
Zephyra was stabbed fifteen times with a dagger, the wounds marking the shape of a penatagram. And hey, the local coven has fifteen members! But don’t burn them at the stake yet; they had good intentions, sort of. They were doing a ritual to keep Zephyra’s evil from spreading, but the rye flour they were using was infected with a sort of natural LSD fungus, so they hallucinated and killed her while trying to “restore the balance.” Plus, she dug up one of their ancestors and all. You know, I think I saw that LSD rye fungus thing on “House,” too.
Going to the chapel…: Angela and Hodgins spend most of the episode in a jail cell, locked up by an overzealous sheriff thanks to minor outstanding warrants (speeding tickets, FOIA protest … I’m sure you can guess who each charge belongs to). As they get closer again (like, making sex noises during a backrub closer), they reminisce about the good ‘ol days. Eventually, they get right down to it and discuss the day they broke up, and how they run through the conversation in their heads every day.
Angela wishes she hadn’t left; Hodgins’ biggest regret in life is not stopping her because he had lost faith that he could be happy forever. They compare their relationship to a game of chicken, where they swerved when they should’ve crashed into each other, and then they kiss! About time, man. That breakup lasted waaay too long. The sheriff interrupts them, but before we know it Angela and Hodgins are GETTING MARRIED! In the jailhouse!
Their vows are completely sweet, but it’s hard to focus on them after getting blindsided by a wedding in jail. Seriously didn’t see that coming. Hodgins has kept Angela’s ring in his wallet since their first wedding. Aww! Also, I hope Wendell never finds out about that. “Yeah, bro, I know we’re friends, but I kept your girlfriend’s former wedding ring with me at all times just in case she decided to dump you and get married on the fly.” Which basically happened, so good work Hodgins, I guess! Maybe he was a Boy Scout or something … though I have a hard time picturing that.
Angela can’t claim the same, but she has a ring handy anyway, even if it’s of somewhat less traditional provenance. Um, a ring’s a ring? The uptight sheriff adorably throws flower petals. Can’t wait to see how everyone at the lab reacts to this!
Booth and Brennan: The good/murderous witches give Booth a tiny paper Brennan, telling him that if he burns it in her presence, the wish he makes for her will come true. Despite her protestations, he burns away. Man, he’d better hope those really were good witches who just happened to slip that one time, ’cause otherwise who knows what kind of bad mojo could be in that little paper Brennan — I learned at least that much from the New Orleans episode!
She doesn’t care what he wished for, but he tells her anyway: He wished she could find happiness. Brennan: “I don’t know what that means.” Booth: “Happiness. Love, laughter, friendship, purpose, and a dance.” He’s gotta know that will be with him, eventually. Booth’s the kind of guy with enough confidence to know he can make her happier than Hacker, for example, when she finally lets him. (Note: Hacker and CatFish were nowhere to be seen or heard from tonight.) Brennan thanks Booth, which he interprets as at least a little belief that the wish might come true. And apparently, there are plenty more little paper Brennans where that one came from!
Odds and Ends:
- Zephyra’s skeleton had bright red shoes, and her feet curled up as soon as they found her, Wicked Witch of the East-style. Angela: “Don’t say it.” Hodgins: “I’ve got to. We aren’t in Kansas anymore.”
- I like the idea of balding someone who’s supposedly wronged you. Boils are so last year.
- Sweets’ Wiccan alter-ego is “Lillith82,” and I’m wondering if this isn’t the first time he’s used it.
- Okay, at first it kind of made sense that Booth and Brennan spied on the Wiccan ceremony, but as soon as the clothes come off, peeping from behind the bushes is just creepy.
- I loved that Clark was sorta trying to be Hodgins with his experiment, but obviously didn’t want to get sucked all the way down the slime and muck rabbit hole.
- Sooo interested to find out what Angela’s real name is…
- Sweets: “Listen, I’ve been thinking about dead cats.” Bones: “That doesn’t seem like a very good use of your time…”
- Angela: “Thank you, God!” Hodgins: “God’s a little formal; Hodgins is fine.”
- Cam: “It was like arguing with one of our Founding Fathers.”
- Booth: “You want to spy on witches?” Bones: “No, Wiccans. And I want you to spy on them while I study them anthropologically.”
- Booth: “Okay, why is it when things like this happen, they always happen with people you don’t want to see naked?”
- Clark: “So you expect me to deal with dirt … great.”
- Sheriff: “This thing may not be state of the art, but we got the internets.” Hodgins: “Sure, let’s throw some coal in that thing and fire it up!”
Angela and Hodgins! Discuss.