bones 902 cheat in the retreat schumakers john ratzenberger fox 'Bones' review: A couple once more in 'The Cheat in the Retreat'

Thank goodness Booth and Brennan are happy again! After the “Bones” season premiere episode — in which the central relationship was terribly strained and uncomfortable — it’s nice to see the couple all functional again in “The Cheat in the Retreat.”

Granted, it takes a murder and the assumption of their Tony and Roxie aliases to truly accomplish this, but we take what we can get. And the results really are quite entertaining.

Plus, there’s a sumo suit. You can’t go wrong with a sumo suit.

Tony and Roxie catch killers!

This week’s remains are discovered by a couple of wisecracking  animal-control officers (did you know a bobcat can be thought of as “a cat named Bob”?). Hodgins finds this all to be very entertaining, especially when they find the victim’s head in a tree.

The scientist is even happy when bobcat poop falls on his face.

Thanks to the presence of an odd disease, the scientists and cops find out the victim was a businessman named Adam Pak. He was supposed to be in Thailand, but nope — he got killed.

Is it just me, or do all two-timing murder victims on “Bones” have brittle-bone issues (see “The Truth in the Lye” from several seasons ago if you don’t believe that)? This is not terribly important, naturally. What is important is that the guy seems to have been killed by not one, but two people.

On a more personal note, Angela is still really angry at Booth over the whole dumping-Brennan thing. She doesn’t understand how Brennan has forgiven either Booth or the Martian magnetic field. Fortunately for all, neither has to be explained in great detail because Booth walks in to make everything awkward. Angela doesn’t stay long after that.

Having dispensed with his hater, Booth informs Brennan that they’ll need to go undercover to find the killer this time. The victim was apparently staying at a couples’ retreat called New Dawn — with a woman who was not his wife. In order to infiltrate the site, Booth and Brennan return to their classic alter egos, Tony and Roxie Scallion.

The Scallions may need New Dawn too. Placed in the “introductory” group (because obviously they can’t handle trust falls), Tony and Roxie learn that one couple — the victim and his mistress, Kelly — is missing. But that absence doesn’t mean a lack of sharing.

Did you know that Roxie/Brennan hates Tony/Booth’s beer hat? Or that Tony/Booth isn’t a big fan of Roxie/Brennan’s “inspirational” fertility statue? Now you do.

Kelly the mistress shows up late and alone, saying that she and Adam had a fight. The group leader, Shaman Little River, fixes this with a super-creepy group hug.

Boxing and the invocation of ancestral spirits bring out the secrets from Kelly and the boys — jealousy and the fact that Kelly knew about Adam’s wife are revealed. Also, there’s sweat. In order to find out that Kelly’s ex also died, Angela and her computers are needed. There’s only so much a sweat lodge can do!

Further insight into the murder occurs when Booth puts on a sumo suit and runs through an obstacle course while blindfolded. It seems that one of the obstacles — big swinging logs — could have caused the death. Shaman Little River insists he is innocent and points the finger back at Adam’s wife, Emma.

The swinging logs didn’t actually kill the guy though. Booth’s sumo suit had no purpose! At least the evidence finally leads to the murder scene. It’s an oak tree with evil tire tracks indicating a car crash.

Hanging out at that retreat can only help so much. What the case really needs is Brennan back at the lab and finding chrome particulates in the victims’ bones. Her discovery leads to … the car owned by the Schumakers, the old couple who are totally perfect.

They’re also robbers who hit the homes of other retreat attendees. When it came out that Adam’s wife was at home, they ended up in a confrontation with the man. One pool ball in a stocking, one karate chop and one quick slam into a tree with their car, and Adam wasn’t a problem anymore.

It’s almost too bad that this happy, murderous couple won’t get to bunk together in prison.


Cam’s identity theft is no fun

Cam and Arastoo get pulled over by a totally racist cop. There’s a decent chance that Vaziri owns the same car as me. Now I’m kind of offended — Cam implies that the vehicle can’t even speed. I can tell you for a fact that this car can speed (not that I would ever do such a thing … hi, law enforcement!).

What actually matters about this is that Cam turns out to have had her identity stolen. This is hardcore identity theft too. Usually, such victims just call their credit card companies. But not Cam! She gets arrested and loses all sources of income. Ouch.

It may be her fault, to a certain extent. She hasn’t done anything about strange financial notices and then refuses help for a really long time.

At least she has Arastoo for moral support, Hodgins for legal advice and Angela for hardcore accounting (apparently) skills. Everything will be OK, eventually!

“It’s easier to find the Higgs boson than it is to recover a stolen identity.” – Angela

Is this good-bye, Sweets?

Over in the episode’s C-plot, Sweets is off his game. He isn’t identifying traits so well and is having an early-life crisis about not helping people. Could we be losing our favorite shrink? Considering that Sweets is taking a leave-of-absence to rediscover his true purpose, it’s a possibility.

But it’s not likely, so don’t worry.

Posted by:Laurel Brown